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Rank the Alton Towers coasters

Matt N

CF Legend
Have you ever watched Big Bang Theory?

For me it was a combination of irony. That you were nice enough to take the time to type that whole explanation up. Despite me pointing out that I knew you were too nice to be sarcastic in the original post.

And then this made me chuckle, reminded me of somebody :)
Funny you should say that, because we actually recently finished watching the entirety of Big Bang on Netflix, and have now moved on to its brilliant spin-off Young Sheldon! If you’re going to compare me to Sheldon; you’re far from the first one to make that comparison, and I’ll admit I can definitely see some notable similarities. However, I hope I don’t annoy everyone around me as much as he seems to annoy everyone on there, as that certainly isn’t my intention…

Cheers for clearing that up, though; the fact I’m autistic means I often struggle with getting this sort of thing, especially over the internet.
P.S. I realise I’m drifting off-topic here; sorry about that, mods… I’ll get to doing the poll and restore the on-topic discussion!
 

Nicky Borrill

Strata Poster
I hope I don’t annoy everyone around me as much as he seems to annoy everyone on there, as that certainly isn’t my intention…
Absolutely not Matt!!! You’re far from annoying!!! If any comparisons were made, it would be to his qualities! (personally I absolutely love him!)
 

Will

Strata Poster
If you’re going to compare me to Sheldon; you’re far from the first one to make that comparison, and I’ll admit I can definitely see some notable similarities. However, I hope I don’t annoy everyone around me as much as he seems to annoy everyone on there, as that certainly isn’t my intention…!
Yeah... you're not the only one who gets compared to him ;) I've long since learned to take it as a compliment :)
(Will from the ****ing Inbetweeners on the other hand...)

This post was also brought to you by: having nothing to do with rollercoasters :)
 

Nicky Borrill

Strata Poster
Yeah... you're not the only one who gets compared to him ;) I've long since learned to take it as a compliment :)
(Will from the ****ing Inbetweeners on the other hand...)

Honestly don’t see how it could be anything else, the guy is a genius after all! And extremely likeable!

This post was also brought to you by: having nothing to do with rollercoasters :)

I mean… Closed season 🤷🏻‍♂️ If nobody went off topic the forums would be extremely quiet in Winter!

That being said, the thread probably has been off the rails (like what I did there ;) ) for too long…

So here’s my defunct list…

1) Corkscrew
2) Thunder looper
3) Black Hole
4) New Beast
5) Beastie
6) Mini Apple
 

Matt N

CF Legend
Sorry to double post, but the results are in, and they sure are interesting!
Current
In total, 33 members have pitched in their opinions on the current lineup since this thread was started, and here are the overall results based on their lists:
  1. Nemesis (Final Score 0.05 recurring)
  2. Wicker Man (Final Score 0.1020408163)
  3. Oblivion (Final Score 0.1101928375)
  4. The Smiler (Final Score 0.118 recurring)
  5. Thirteen (Final Score 0.1643709826)
  6. Galactica (Final Score 0.1662075298)
  7. Rita (Final Score 0.1982421875)
  8. Spinball Whizzer (Final Score 0.2195629553)
  9. Runaway Mine Train (Final Score 0.257 recurring)
  10. Octonauts Rollercoaster Adventure (Final Score 0.64)
Former
In total, 5 members have pitched in their opinions on the defunct lineup since this thread was started, and here are the overall results based on their lists:
  1. Corkscrew (Final Score 0.32)
  2. Black Hole (Final Score 0.5625)
  3. Thunderlooper (Final Score 0.75)
  4. Beastie (Final Score 1.125)
  5. Alton Beast (Final Score 1.25)
  6. Mini Apple (Final Score 2)
  7. 4 Man Bob (Final Score 3)
  8. Alton Mouse (Final Score 5)
Here's the spreadsheet, if you're interested:

Hope you guys like the results; if you have any questions or concerns about how I calculated them, fire away!
 

Peet

Giga Poster
Nice one Matt! That ranking is pretty close to my own, with Nemesis in a league of its own at the top, then WM, Smiler and Obliv all quite close (interchangeable for me).

Then below that we have the dissapointing period 2002-2010 of 3 major investments in a row which, let's face it are just not great (Air, Rita, Thirteen).
 

Hixee

Flojector
Staff member
Administrator
Moderator
Social Media Team
Also interesting that only Corkscrew and Blackhole would have made it into the overall Top 10 (unless they're being calculated separately, so not a fair comparison?).

Otherwise, yeah, @Peet sums it up pretty well.
 

Matt N

CF Legend
Also interesting that only Corkscrew and Blackhole would have made it into the overall Top 10 (unless they're being calculated separately, so not a fair comparison?).

Otherwise, yeah, @Peet sums it up pretty well.
With regard to the bolded, I did calculate the defunct coasters separately, so comparing the two like for like may not produce fully accurate results.
 

DelPiero

Strata Poster
Went at the weekend as did the half marathon and it was super quiet, multiple re-rides on the stuff we wanted to.

Nemesis was running incredibly, we got an Oblivion train to ourselves, Wickerman is a new coaster, absolutely brilliant ride. Smiler was closed, the way I like it.

After that day I'm considering putting Wickerman up to 2nd in my rankings at AT, but lets see how it runs next season before I do. I know @Mushroom will agree with me.
 

Matt N

CF Legend
Went at the weekend as did the half marathon and it was super quiet, multiple re-rides on the stuff we wanted to.

Nemesis was running incredibly, we got an Oblivion train to ourselves, Wickerman is a new coaster, absolutely brilliant ride. Smiler was closed, the way I like it.

After that day I'm considering putting Wickerman up to 2nd in my rankings at AT, but lets see how it runs next season before I do. I know @Mushroom will agree with me.
With regard to the bolded; I'm guessing you're no Smiler fan? While compiling the poll results, I did notice that both it and Rita were mysteriously absent from your most recent list... I did wonder whether you simply hadn't ridden either of them, but is it just that you find both so awful that you didn't deem them worth ranking?
 

Will

Strata Poster
I can only guess (and compare with psyke underground) but I reckon Thunderlooper would be higher if a larger number of our more senior members had voted. I reckon it'd at the very least make the Top 5 for me, if it were still standing today.
 

Nicky Borrill

Strata Poster
I can only guess (and compare with psyke underground) but I reckon Thunderlooper would be higher if a larger number of our more senior members had voted. I reckon it'd at the very least make the Top 5 for me, if it were still standing today.
I liked it a lot… Although I always preferred the Missile (a Vekoma boomerang!!!) more… So not sure what that means for it’s placing today?

I just felt that the boomerang did more, and was more intense, I don’t remember the Thunder Looper’s party trick, the launch, being particularly forceful! Plus, the Missile was unique to me, the only boomerang I rode until well into the next millennium!!!
 

DelPiero

Strata Poster
With regard to the bolded; I'm guessing you're no Smiler fan? While compiling the poll results, I did notice that both it and Rita were mysteriously absent from your most recent list... I did wonder whether you simply hadn't ridden either of them, but is it just that you find both so awful that you didn't deem them worth ranking?
That was intentional my friend.
Although Rita might make it back in there when I ride it again, couldn't justify a half hour queue for it the other weekend when everything else was walk on.
 

Rob Coasters

Hyper Poster
1) The Smiler - 2 rides
2) Oblivion - 4 rides
3) Wicker Man - 2 rides
4) Nemesis - 2 rides
5) Spinball Whizzer - 1 ride
6) Th13teen - 1 ride
7) Galactica - 2 rides
8) Rita - 2 rides
9) Runaway Mine Train - 1 ride

I have explained far too many times in my enthusiast-on-social-media lifetime why I rank Nemesis so low compared to, well, anything else.

If you want a short answer it was a combination of not allowing myself to be excited for the ride, setting my expectations way too high, and the discovery that riding stuff while absolutely exhausted from the gardens walk can significantly shrink the 'mark' a ride leaves. My experience on a near-forceless evening ride on Inferno earlier (and why it happened) is explained by me in this thread from @Matt N himself. I used to think I didn't like Nemesis all that much because I expected too much of the ride, and rode in the back instead of the front.

That Inferno ride made me realise why I found my Nemesis rides to not be as great as I'd hoped - because somehow a not-positive mood can detract from a ride's intensity. Somehow? I would absolutely love to go back to Towers to 'correct' my opinion on Nemesis such as going in with a better mindset and picking the front row, but the place is simply too far and too hard to get to to justify a visit there.

But I come back to what my friend once said: "If you really want it THAT much, you'll get yourself out there and just do it." And that might give me the energy to power back to Towers. Via public transport. From London.
 

Matt N

CF Legend
Unsurprisingly, my list has changed again after my most recent visit to Towers…
(Moved rides in italics)
  1. Wicker Man (10/10, #5/91, no change)
  2. Oblivion (9/10, #9/91, no change)
  3. Thirteen (9/10, #11/91, +2) - This was running brilliantly on my most recent visit! I got multiple moments of surprising airtime on both rides, and I just found it so much fun! Yes, Thirteen may not be the most intense coaster out there, but I think it’s hugely fun, and it always puts a smile on my face; it’s grown on me a lot! I love the twisty bits and airtime of the outdoor section, and the indoor section with the drop track and backwards section are always a laugh and never fail to disappoint! It’s also blissfully smooth, as well!
  4. Rita (8/10, #15/91, no change)
  5. Nemesis (7/10, #22/91, -2) - I do enjoy Nemesis, don’t get me wrong, but I’m sorry to say that it doesn’t really strike a chord with me like some of the rides higher up do. I find myself appreciating it for what it is, but not really clicking with it. Don’t get me wrong, there’s a lot to like about it; it has a very creative layout, it’s very masterful in how it weaves itself in and out of the terrain, and it’s an enjoyable ride. However, it just a lacked a certain spark for me this visit, for whatever reason. It might not help that the ride seemed a little rougher on many of my rides this visit, with a couple of sections of slight headbanging and a definite judder in the train, but for whatever reason, it just didn’t really do it for me to the same extent as some of the park’s other rides. It might not help that inverts in general are not my favourite ride type nowadays, but even something like Nemesis Inferno seems to click with me discernibly more, so I’m not sure it’s that.
  6. Runaway Mine Train (6/10, #36/91, no change)
  7. Galactica (6/10, #44/91, +1) - I’m still not the biggest fan of this, but I seemed to enjoy it slightly more this visit. I don’t find the flying position particularly comfortable, and I’m not a fan of sustained “on your back” manoeuvres that this ride type seems to love (e.g. the fly to lie), but I’ve got to say that it is very smooth and bits of the layout are quite good fun; I particularly like the first drop and the ending sequence with all the little hops, bumps and turns! I’m afraid that the inherent discomfort of the flying position does keep it from going any higher, though.
  8. The Smiler (4/10, #60/91, -1) - I so sorely want to like Smiler. I go on it with an open mind every time, really hoping it’ll blow me away. I love the idea of the layout, there are some great moments (I like the two airtime hills; the second in particular is sublime!), and I do rather admire it as a feat of engineering. But as a ride? I’m afraid it doesn’t really do it for me. Both rides this visit seemed rather rough compared to some of my other recent rides on Smiler, but even putting aside the roughness, I’m not a huge fan of it. I find the layout slightly nauseating, and dare I say, the ride feels a tad boring; it just feels like I’m going through the motions on it for the most part, and the nausea I get from it doesn’t have much pay off. For some reason, the inversions and layout on this feel less interesting to me than on other multi-looping rides I’ve done, even though I actually rather like the layout on paper. I think I’ve finally put my finger on why I’m not a huge fan of Smiler, and I think it’s because the layout almost feels like a flat ride on coaster track, with the ride sensations and forces almost inducing a repetitive motion feeling like you get on a flat ride. I’m not huge on flat rides, so that might be why Smiler doesn’t appeal to me as much as it does to a lot of people. Smiler is admittedly an intense ride, but I’m sorry to say that it’s not one that overly appeals to me. I apologise if that’s controversial, but I just don’t really warm to it, I’m afraid.
  9. Spinball Whizzer (3/10, #73/91, no change)
  10. Octonauts Rollercoaster Adventure (3/10, #77/91, no change)
 

Hixee

Flojector
Staff member
Administrator
Moderator
Social Media Team
Nemesis below Rita and Thirteen should be a ban-able offence.

Smiler is turd though, you at least got that bit right. ;)
 
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