Rank the Alton Towers coasters

[Matt N]

Have you ever watched Big Bang Theory?

For me it was a combination of irony. That you were nice enough to take the time to type that whole explanation up. Despite me pointing out that I knew you were too nice to be sarcastic in the original post.

And then this made me chuckle, reminded me of somebody

Funny you should say that, because we actually recently finished watching the entirety of Big Bang on Netflix, and have now moved on to its brilliant spin-off Young Sheldon! If you’re going to compare me to Sheldon; you’re far from the first one to make that comparison, and I’ll admit I can definitely see some notable similarities. However, I hope I don’t annoy everyone around me as much as he seems to annoy everyone on there, as that certainly isn’t my intention…

Cheers for clearing that up, though; the fact I’m autistic means I often struggle with getting this sort of thing, especially over the internet.
P.S. I realise I’m drifting off-topic here; sorry about that, mods… I’ll get to doing the poll and restore the on-topic discussion!

 

[Nicky Borrill]

I hope I don’t annoy everyone around me as much as he seems to annoy everyone on there, as that certainly isn’t my intention…

Absolutely not Matt!!! You’re far from annoying!!! If any comparisons were made, it would be to his qualities! (personally I absolutely love him!)

 

[Will]

If you’re going to compare me to Sheldon; you’re far from the first one to make that comparison, and I’ll admit I can definitely see some notable similarities. However, I hope I don’t annoy everyone around me as much as he seems to annoy everyone on there, as that certainly isn’t my intention…!

Yeah... you're not the only one who gets compared to him I've long since learned to take it as a compliment
(Will from the ****ing Inbetweeners on the other hand...)

This post was also brought to you by: having nothing to do with rollercoasters

 

[Nicky Borrill]

Yeah... you're not the only one who gets compared to him I've long since learned to take it as a compliment
(Will from the ****ing Inbetweeners on the other hand...)

Honestly don’t see how it could be anything else, the guy is a genius after all! And extremely likeable!

This post was also brought to you by: having nothing to do with rollercoasters

I mean… Closed season If nobody went off topic the forums would be extremely quiet in Winter!

That being said, the thread probably has been off the rails (like what I did there ) for too long…

So here’s my defunct list…

1) Corkscrew
2) Thunder looper
3) Black Hole
4) New Beast
5) Beastie
6) Mini Apple

 

[Matt N]

Current coasters done... just going to quickly do the defunct lists now!

 

[Matt N]

Sorry to double post, but the results are in, and they sure are interesting!
Current
In total, 33 members have pitched in their opinions on the current lineup since this thread was started, and here are the overall results based on their lists:

1. Nemesis (Final Score 0.05 recurring)
2. Wicker Man (Final Score 0.1020408163)
3. Oblivion (Final Score 0.1101928375)
4. The Smiler (Final Score 0.118 recurring)
5. Thirteen (Final Score 0.1643709826)
6. Galactica (Final Score 0.1662075298)
7. Rita (Final Score 0.1982421875)
8. Spinball Whizzer (Final Score 0.2195629553)
9. Runaway Mine Train (Final Score 0.257 recurring)
10. Octonauts Rollercoaster Adventure (Final Score 0.64)

Former
In total, 5 members have pitched in their opinions on the defunct lineup since this thread was started, and here are the overall results based on their lists:

1. Corkscrew (Final Score 0.32)
2. Black Hole (Final Score 0.5625)
3. Thunderlooper (Final Score 0.75)
4. Beastie (Final Score 1.125)
5. Alton Beast (Final Score 1.25)
6. Mini Apple (Final Score 2)
7. 4 Man Bob (Final Score 3)
8. Alton Mouse (Final Score 5)

Here's the spreadsheet, if you're interested:

CoasterForce's Favourite Alton Towers Rollercoasters

Raw Data (Current) Username,Post on Page,#1,#2,#3,#4,#5,#6,#7,#8,#9,#10 Jamesss,1,Wicker Man,Nemesis,Oblivion,Galactica,Thirteen,Runaway Mine Train,Spinball Whizzer,The Smiler,Rita,Octonauts Rollercoaster Adventure Howie,1,Nemesis,Oblivion,Wicker Man,The Smiler,Galactica,Runaway Mine Train,Spinb...

docs.google.com

Hope you guys like the results; if you have any questions or concerns about how I calculated them, fire away!

 

[Peet]

Nice one Matt! That ranking is pretty close to my own, with Nemesis in a league of its own at the top, then WM, Smiler and Obliv all quite close (interchangeable for me).

Then below that we have the dissapointing period 2002-2010 of 3 major investments in a row which, let's face it are just not great (Air, Rita, Thirteen).

 

[Hixee]

Also interesting that only Corkscrew and Blackhole would have made it into the overall Top 10 (unless they're being calculated separately, so not a fair comparison?).

Otherwise, yeah, @Peet sums it up pretty well.

 

[Matt N]

Also interesting that only Corkscrew and Blackhole would have made it into the overall Top 10 (unless they're being calculated separately, so not a fair comparison?).

Otherwise, yeah, @Peet sums it up pretty well.

With regard to the bolded, I did calculate the defunct coasters separately, so comparing the two like for like may not produce fully accurate results.

 

[DelPiero]

Went at the weekend as did the half marathon and it was super quiet, multiple re-rides on the stuff we wanted to.

Nemesis was running incredibly, we got an Oblivion train to ourselves, Wickerman is a new coaster, absolutely brilliant ride. Smiler was closed, the way I like it.

After that day I'm considering putting Wickerman up to 2nd in my rankings at AT, but lets see how it runs next season before I do. I know @Mushroom will agree with me.

 

[Matt N]

Went at the weekend as did the half marathon and it was super quiet, multiple re-rides on the stuff we wanted to.

Nemesis was running incredibly, we got an Oblivion train to ourselves, Wickerman is a new coaster, absolutely brilliant ride. Smiler was closed, the way I like it.

After that day I'm considering putting Wickerman up to 2nd in my rankings at AT, but lets see how it runs next season before I do. I know @Mushroom will agree with me.

With regard to the bolded; I'm guessing you're no Smiler fan? While compiling the poll results, I did notice that both it and Rita were mysteriously absent from your most recent list... I did wonder whether you simply hadn't ridden either of them, but is it just that you find both so awful that you didn't deem them worth ranking?

 

[Will]

I can only guess (and compare with psyke underground) but I reckon Thunderlooper would be higher if a larger number of our more senior members had voted. I reckon it'd at the very least make the Top 5 for me, if it were still standing today.

 

[Nicky Borrill]

I can only guess (and compare with psyke underground) but I reckon Thunderlooper would be higher if a larger number of our more senior members had voted. I reckon it'd at the very least make the Top 5 for me, if it were still standing today.

I liked it a lot… Although I always preferred the Missile (a Vekoma boomerang!!!) more… So not sure what that means for it’s placing today?

I just felt that the boomerang did more, and was more intense, I don’t remember the Thunder Looper’s party trick, the launch, being particularly forceful! Plus, the Missile was unique to me, the only boomerang I rode until well into the next millennium!!!

 

[DelPiero]

With regard to the bolded; I'm guessing you're no Smiler fan? While compiling the poll results, I did notice that both it and Rita were mysteriously absent from your most recent list... I did wonder whether you simply hadn't ridden either of them, but is it just that you find both so awful that you didn't deem them worth ranking?

That was intentional my friend.
Although Rita might make it back in there when I ride it again, couldn't justify a half hour queue for it the other weekend when everything else was walk on.

 

[Rob Coasters]

1) The Smiler - 2 rides
2) Oblivion - 4 rides
3) Wicker Man - 2 rides
4) Nemesis - 2 rides
5) Spinball Whizzer - 1 ride
6) Th13teen - 1 ride
7) Galactica - 2 rides
8) Rita - 2 rides
9) Runaway Mine Train - 1 ride

I have explained far too many times in my enthusiast-on-social-media lifetime why I rank Nemesis so low compared to, well, anything else.

If you want a short answer it was a combination of not allowing myself to be excited for the ride, setting my expectations way too high, and the discovery that riding stuff while absolutely exhausted from the gardens walk can significantly shrink the 'mark' a ride leaves. My experience on a near-forceless evening ride on Inferno earlier (and why it happened) is explained by me in this thread from @Matt N himself. I used to think I didn't like Nemesis all that much because I expected too much of the ride, and rode in the back instead of the front.

That Inferno ride made me realise why I found my Nemesis rides to not be as great as I'd hoped - because somehow a not-positive mood can detract from a ride's intensity. Somehow? I would absolutely love to go back to Towers to 'correct' my opinion on Nemesis such as going in with a better mindset and picking the front row, but the place is simply too far and too hard to get to to justify a visit there.

But I come back to what my friend once said: "If you really want it THAT much, you'll get yourself out there and just do it." And that might give me the energy to power back to Towers. Via public transport. From London.

 

[Matt N]

Unsurprisingly, my list has changed again after my most recent visit to Towers…
(Moved rides in italics)

1. Wicker Man (10/10, #5/91, no change)
2. Oblivion (9/10, #9/91, no change)
3. Thirteen (9/10, #11/91, +2) - This was running brilliantly on my most recent visit! I got multiple moments of surprising airtime on both rides, and I just found it so much fun! Yes, Thirteen may not be the most intense coaster out there, but I think it’s hugely fun, and it always puts a smile on my face; it’s grown on me a lot! I love the twisty bits and airtime of the outdoor section, and the indoor section with the drop track and backwards section are always a laugh and never fail to disappoint! It’s also blissfully smooth, as well!
4. Rita (8/10, #15/91, no change)
5. Nemesis (7/10, #22/91, -2) - I do enjoy Nemesis, don’t get me wrong, but I’m sorry to say that it doesn’t really strike a chord with me like some of the rides higher up do. I find myself appreciating it for what it is, but not really clicking with it. Don’t get me wrong, there’s a lot to like about it; it has a very creative layout, it’s very masterful in how it weaves itself in and out of the terrain, and it’s an enjoyable ride. However, it just a lacked a certain spark for me this visit, for whatever reason. It might not help that the ride seemed a little rougher on many of my rides this visit, with a couple of sections of slight headbanging and a definite judder in the train, but for whatever reason, it just didn’t really do it for me to the same extent as some of the park’s other rides. It might not help that inverts in general are not my favourite ride type nowadays, but even something like Nemesis Inferno seems to click with me discernibly more, so I’m not sure it’s that.
6. Runaway Mine Train (6/10, #36/91, no change)
7. Galactica (6/10, #44/91, +1) - I’m still not the biggest fan of this, but I seemed to enjoy it slightly more this visit. I don’t find the flying position particularly comfortable, and I’m not a fan of sustained “on your back” manoeuvres that this ride type seems to love (e.g. the fly to lie), but I’ve got to say that it is very smooth and bits of the layout are quite good fun; I particularly like the first drop and the ending sequence with all the little hops, bumps and turns! I’m afraid that the inherent discomfort of the flying position does keep it from going any higher, though.
8. The Smiler (4/10, #60/91, -1) - I so sorely want to like Smiler. I go on it with an open mind every time, really hoping it’ll blow me away. I love the idea of the layout, there are some great moments (I like the two airtime hills; the second in particular is sublime!), and I do rather admire it as a feat of engineering. But as a ride? I’m afraid it doesn’t really do it for me. Both rides this visit seemed rather rough compared to some of my other recent rides on Smiler, but even putting aside the roughness, I’m not a huge fan of it. I find the layout slightly nauseating, and dare I say, the ride feels a tad boring; it just feels like I’m going through the motions on it for the most part, and the nausea I get from it doesn’t have much pay off. For some reason, the inversions and layout on this feel less interesting to me than on other multi-looping rides I’ve done, even though I actually rather like the layout on paper. I think I’ve finally put my finger on why I’m not a huge fan of Smiler, and I think it’s because the layout almost feels like a flat ride on coaster track, with the ride sensations and forces almost inducing a repetitive motion feeling like you get on a flat ride. I’m not huge on flat rides, so that might be why Smiler doesn’t appeal to me as much as it does to a lot of people. Smiler is admittedly an intense ride, but I’m sorry to say that it’s not one that overly appeals to me. I apologise if that’s controversial, but I just don’t really warm to it, I’m afraid.
9. Spinball Whizzer (3/10, #73/91, no change)
10. Octonauts Rollercoaster Adventure (3/10, #77/91, no change)

 

[Hixee]

Nemesis below Rita and Thirteen should be a ban-able offence.

Smiler is turd though, you at least got that bit right.

 

[Matt N]

Given how attracted I once was to this thread, I surprisingly haven’t updated my Alton Towers coaster ranking in a good while; my last post in here was in June 2022!

Today, I decided to sit down and rejig my coaster rankings a tad following my most recent visit to Alton Towers last weekend. Do bear in mind that I only rode 6 of the 10 coasters on my most recent visit; I have not ridden Thirteen and The Smiler since March 2023, I have not ridden Spinball Whizzer since August 2022, and for obvious reasons, I have not ridden Octonauts Rollercoaster Adventure since June 2019.

I should preface this ranking by saying that I like my coasters to be fun, thrilling and rerideable. Intensity is not necessarily everything for me; don't get me wrong, there are many intense rides that I absolutely love, but I sometimes find that too much intensity can be counterintuitive and make me enjoy the ride less. I definitely have things I enjoy that enhance these, but my general criteria for a good coaster are simply that it's fun, thrilling and rerideable.

My current ranking of Alton Towers’ coasters, as of 28th March 2024, is as follows:

1. Wicker Man - I know it's not a typical choice, but this one just had to sit on top for me, particularly after having what were possibly two of my best ever rides on it last weekend! There are so many things I love about it; the first drop is brilliant, there's tons of excellent airtime, it's fast, it's got some really fun twists and turns, it's smooth, and overall, I just find it a phenomenal amount of fun and always hit the brake run with a huge grin on my face! Yes, it's not the most intense coaster on the planet, but it's just so incredibly fun and has so much brilliant airtime and speed that it has to be top for me! And after my recent brilliant rides leaving me in absolute hysterics and making me realise just how much I love it, I have to say that I'd controversially declare Wicker Man not only my favourite coaster at Alton Towers, but my favourite coaster in the entire UK! 10/10, #8/111 overall
2. Oblivion - Oblivion may be a one-trick pony, but I think it does that one trick phenomenally well, personally! In my early years of riding, I wasn't initially that huge on it, but it's grown on me massively over the years and I now absolutely love it! The sustained airtime on the first drop is absolutely sublime, and I love how you just seem to float out of your seat for seconds and seconds! I also love the absolutely awesome sense of speed you get through the tunnel; I know that Oblivion isn't the fastest coaster I've ridden, but based on the raw sensation of speed in that tunnel, I could firmly believe that it was if I didn't know any better! On the whole, I absolutely love Oblivion; it may be a one-trick pony, but it delivers that one trick impeccably! 9/10, #11/111 overall
3. Nemesis Reborn - Nemesis is the typical enthusiast favourite, and while it's not quite my favourite, I have to say that it is still an absolutely cracking coaster, and it is great to have it back in the lineup! The same great ride has returned with a vengeance, with the ride riding smoother, faster and quite possibly better than ever for me! The retrack has not drastically changed my opinion of Nemesis, but it has definitely given me a newfound appreciation for it in numerous ways, most notably for some of the more unique aspects of its layout design. For instance, that opening sequence where the speed suddenly just builds and builds out of seemingly nowhere is just awesome, and I generally love the way that the ride keeps up the excitement right to the end, with that whippy final corkscrew ensuring that the ride ends on a high! While I may not rate Nemesis quite as highly as most do, I have to say that I still find it to be an absolutely fantastic coaster! 9/10, #14/111 overall
4. Rita - Rita is often maligned by enthusiasts, but I have to say that I don't quite agree with the hate. I always love the punchy launches on these hydraulic launch coasters, and while it's no Stealth, Rita's still doesn't disappoint in this regard! The ride also has some surprisingly excellent ejector airtime, and it maintains a fast pace throughout its layout! However, I do have to concede that the layout is a little bit more on the basic side by modern standards, and that the rattle and restraints do very minorly take away from it. I don't find it hideously rough and uncomfortable like some seem to (and indeed, like I used to), but those OTSRs and cars definitely aren't the most comfortable on Rita's twisted layout. Nonetheless, I don't find it overly rough or uncomfortable by any stretch of the imagination (the rattle and restraints are definitely a minor niggle rather than a deal breaker), and the launch and airtime moments are always good fun! 8/10, #25/111 overall
5. Thirteen - Again, Thirteen is often maligned by enthusiasts, but I don't think I dislike it quite as much as most. The drop track and backwards section are always a good laugh, and on the back, the first drop is surprisingly excellent, with a really good bit of airtime to be had! However, that initial outdoor section definitely lacks... something. It's very good fun, and has some fun twists and turns, but feels like it could do a little bit more. Aside from the first drop (and that only really does anything on the back), there's very little airtime, and there's not a huge amount of force or much of a sensation of speed either. Like I say, it's perfectly good fun, but feels like it could do more; I've often heard people say that the outdoor section mostly feels like filler to get you to the drop track, and I do understand that criticism. Nonetheless, it's still a good, fun family thrill coaster; the outdoor section is good fun, and that drop track and backwards section are definitely big highlights! 7/10, #31/111 overall
6. Runaway Mine Train - Runaway Mine Train is a definite guilty pleasure of mine! Yes, it may "only" be a powered coaster, but I think it definitely punches above its weight in terms of fun factor! The ride has a nice speed to it for a powered coaster, and that helix in particular is surprisingly intense for a coaster that only goes 22mph! And in general, I just think it's a very feel-good ride that has an overall fun and cheery feel. Choo Choo! 6/10, #40/111 overall
7. The Smiler - The Smiler is a tough one for me. I really want to rate it highly, and it does have numerous good attributes, but it never quite gels with me. Don't get me wrong, it's not a bad ride by any means; the layout is very creative, it's fast, and I do love the two airtime moments, with the second in particular providing an awesome bit of ejector airtime! However... it's not quite consistently good enough for me to rate it especially highly on this list. It's very, very inconsistent, and from my experience, even two rides in the same trip can provide quite different experiences. It can provide a decent ride; my best ride ever on Smiler, in March 2023, was a very good front row ride, that was fast, floaty, not too nauseating and reasonably smooth. If based on that ride alone, the ride would probably sit somewhere in the 20s overall and possibly as high as 4th in this list. However, it doesn't show its best side nearly often enough. It can sometimes be pretty rough and rather on the nauseating side; sometimes, the ride's inversion-heavy layout provides a spinning flat ride-style sensation that I'm not the most keen on. At its worst, I'd possibly say it would rank as low as the 60s or 70s overall. To be fair, my last experience on it wasn't too bad at all, so it is currently ranking a little bit higher, but it was still a little bit rough and a little bit nauseating, and less roughness and nausea would definitely have improved it. So overall then, I find The Smiler a tough one to place, as it can vary a lot between visits. It can provide a really decent ride, but I just don't think it shows its best side nearly often enough for me to rank it any higher. 6/10, #44/111 overall
8. Galactica - While Galactica is smooth, has reasonable speed and has some interesting elements, I'm sorry to say that I'm not massively keen on it. And that entirely comes down to that flying position and the fact that I simply find it, by its inherent nature, pretty uncomfortable. Simply put, I'm just not a massive fan of being led on my front and having all my weight rested on a restraint while I ride a roller coaster. I felt very similarly about Manta at SeaWorld Orlando on my return to that park last June. I'm also not huge on the fly-to-lie element on Galactica; while I find it less unbearable than the horribly intense pretzel loop on Manta, I still don't find the flow of g-forces to my head massively pleasant. Overall, then, I appreciate the novelty of Galactica, but it's just not really my thing. 4/10, #78/111 overall
9. Spinball Whizzer - I can see why people like Spinball, but it's not really my thing. Really spinny rides aren't my favourite, and Spinball can spin a lot. I also found it horribly jolty and jerky last time I rode it. It really banged and bashed you around, to the point where I'd consider nominating it as Alton's roughest coaster... overall, I'm sorry to say that I'm not a huge fan of Spinball at all. 3/10, #90/111 overall
10. Octonauts Rollercoaster Adventure - It is what it is, really. It's not a bad first coaster for the kids by any means, but that's all it will ever be, and I think its appeal is pretty limited outside of the young children's demographic. 3/10, #95/111 overall

 

[Rob Coasters]

1) The Smiler
2) Oblivion
3) Wicker Man
4) Nemesis
5) Spinball Whizzer
6) Th13teen
7) Galactica
8) Rita
9) Runaway Mine Train

1) Smiler
2) Nemesis Reborn
3) Oblivion
4) Wicker Man
5) Rita
6) Galactica
7) Spinball Whizzer
8) Th13teen
9) Runaway Mine Train
10) Octonauts

Overdue for some rerides on Rita and 13, but finally got my redemption rides in on Nemesis.

 

[ScottLann]

1. Nemesis Reborn
2. Wicker Man
3. The Smiler
4. Oblivion
5. Thirteen
6. Rita
7. Spinball Whizzer
8. Galactica
9. Runaway Mine Train
10. Octonauts