Rate the joke above

[Airtime Cadet]

2/10
Not really that funny. Still, Inversionperson's are worse.

How many Drunks does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

Two - one to hold the lightbulb in place, with the other to drink whisky until the room spins.

 

[Hixee]

6/10

My flight was being served by an obviously gay flight attendant, who seemed to put everyone in a good mood as he served us food and drinks. As the plane prepared to descend, he came swishing down the aisle and told us that Captain Marvey has asked me to announce that he’ll be landing the big scary plane shortly, so lovely people, If you could just put your trays up, that would be super.”

On his trip back up the aisle, he noticed this well-dressed and rather Arabic looking woman hadn’t moved a muscle. “Perhaps you didn’t hear me over those big brute engines but I asked you to Raise your trazy-poo, so the main man can pitty-pat us on the ground.”

She calmly turned her head and said, “In my country, I am called a Princess and I take orders from no one.” To which (I swear) the flight attendant replied, without missing a beat, “Well, sweet-cheeks, in my country I’m called a Queen, so I outrank you. Tray-up, Biatch.”

 

[Airtime Cadet]

hehe 7/10

while we're on the suject of aircraft;

After a really rough landing in the middle east , the passengers were leaving the plane. Last off was a little old lady, who stopped at the exit door and shakily said to a flight attendant:
"Can I ask you a question?"
"Sure"
"Did we land or were we shot down?"

 

[cpdude2]

6/10

How do you turn a dishwasher into a snowblower?


....


Give her a shovel.

(please no one take offense to this, it is meant only as a joke, and I am NOT a sexist!)

 

[Ollie]

5/10

Q. What do you call a deer with no eyes?
A. No eye deer

Q. What do you call a deer with no eyes and no legs?
A. Still no eye deer

Q. What do you call a deer with no eyes and no legs on top of another deer?
A. Still no F*cking idea

 

[cpdude2]

8.5/10

So there are three people and the pilot on an airplane when it starts to crash. The pilot jumps out with his parachute.

The three people left on board are a teacher, A librarian, and a marine.

The three people each decide to drop one thing that means something to them before the jump for good luck.

The teacher drops and apple, the librarian drops a book, and the marine drops a bomb (don't get ahead of me here)

They all end up safely on the ground with their parachutes. They all get up and start walking into the nearest town when the teacher sees a little girl crying. the teacher asks "why are you crying, little girl?"

the girl replies "an apple fell out of the sky and killed my cat."

The librarian comes across a little boy crying and asks him "why are you crying, little boy?"

to which he replies, a book fell out of the sky and killed my dog.

The marine comes across a little boy laughing histerically and asks "why the Hell are you laughing so hard?"

To which he replies "My mom farted and the house blew up!"

 

[Ollie]

9/10 made me chuckle.

Why did the chicken cross the road?
SCREEEEEEEEEACH THUMP!!! We shall never know.

 

[10WaTT]

^ 3/10

I like the mum farting and the house blowing up one lol!

Whats the fastest fish in the sea?

A motorpike! :?

 

[Matt]

^ 3/10 mehh

2 Vampire lesbians, one says to the other, "See you next month"

 

[cpdude2]

2/10 lame

Why did the snowman take off his pants?


The snowblower was coming...

 

[Ollie]

Funny but only worth a 4/10.

Ian. :lol:

 

[furie]

He's a bad joke :lol:

2/10

Count Dracula is on the pull in Glasgow. He spends the night drinking Bloody Mary's in various clubs and biting on unsuspecting women's necks.

He is heading for home, wandering along Argyle street sometime before sunrise. Suddenly he is hit on the back of the head. He looks round and sees nothing. He looks down and sees a small sausage roll.

"Mmmm," he thinks. "What's going on here?"

A few yards further on and...

BANG.

Smacked on the back of the head again! He whirls round as quick as he can, nothing. Again he looks down and there is a small triangular sandwich lying on the ground. How odd!! A few yards further along the street and...

CRASH.

Smacked on the back of the head again!! He whirls round as quick as he can, nothing. He's getting really angry now. Again he looks down and there is a cocktail sausage lying on the ground.

He stands and peers into the darkness of the night. Nothing.

He walks a few yards further on when he gets a tap on the shoulder.

With a swirl of his cape and a cloud of mist he turns as fast as he can. He feels a sharp pain in his heart. He falls to the ground clutching his chest, which is punctured by a small cocktail stick laden with a chunk of cheese and pineapple.

On the ground dying, he looks up and sees a young female. With his dying breath he gasps.

"Who the ***k are you?"

She replies.
"My name is........... Buffet the Vampire Slayer!"

(Highlight to see)

 

[danielmopgs]

^
Lol, that was quite funny: 8/10

Father Christmas goes to the doctor and says i have a problem; i think i have a mince pie stuck up my bum. So the doctor says ok Mr.Claus bend over and let me have a look. So Father Christmas bends over and the doctor replies "Indeed you do have a pie stuck up your bum but don't worry you are in luck because i have some cream for that!"

 

[lol]

4/10 - can be told much more briefly and quick jokes are funnier.

Why did the baker have brown hands?




He needed a poo.

 

[Dom]

Immature.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EP-84G6PqYE

 

[Slacky]

OK, here's mine.

What do you call Ainsley Harriot putting on a condom?

Ready Steady F**k.

 

[Ollie]

0/10 rubbish, and you didnt rate the joke above you.


A beautiful blonde in Economy Class of a plane flying to Cape Town gets
up and seats herself in a vacant seat in First Class.
The flight attendant asks for her ticket, then tells the blonde that
she's paid for Economy and that she will have to return to it.
The blonde: "I'm blonde, I'm beautiful, I'm going to Cape Town and I'm
staying right here!"
The flight attendant tells the captain that a blonde bimbo with an
Economy Class ticket has seated herself in First Class and refuses to
move back to her seat. The co-pilot goes to the blonde and explains that
because she only paid for Economy she is only entitled to an Economy
seat and she will have to return to it.
The blonde: "I'm blonde, I'm beautiful, I'm going to Cape Town and I'm
staying right here!"
The co-pilot advises the captain that his effort was unsuccessful, and
that the police should be alerted to arrest the blonde when they land.
The captain: "I may be able to handle this; I'm married to a blonde, and
I speak Blonde!"
He goes to the blonde, whispers something to her, and she says "Oh, I'm
sorry! I had no idea" gets up and moves back to her seat in Economy. The
flight attendant and co-pilot are amazed and ask him what he said to
make her move without fuss.
The captain: "I told her First Class isn't going to Cape Town

 

[Slacky]

10/10, that was the best joke I've read so far.

What's the worst thing you could ever here on holiday?

Welcome to Butlins.

 

[Ollie]

^I like Butlins. 3/10

Oh my joke... urm.........urm.....urm.....

Whats the newspaper in France?

The daily snail.

Best I could do at short notice.

 

[Anonymous]

5/10


my joke a blonde got fired from a banana plantation the other day for throwing out all the bent ones