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Beans

Beans

Hyper Poster
Not Bad 5/10



A little boy goes to his father and asks "Daddy, how was I born?"
The father answers: "Well son, I guess one day you will need to find out anyway! Your Mom and I first got together in a chat room on Yahoo. Then I set up a date via e-mail with your Mom and we met at a cyber-cafe. We sneaked into a secluded room, where your mother agreed to a download from my hard drive. As soon as I was ready to upload, we discovered that neither one of us had used a firewall, and since it was too late to hit the delete button, nine months later a little Pop-Up appeared that said:





'You got Male!'"
 
jayjay

jayjay

Giga Poster
Haha, 7/10

Two men were standing at a window on the 40th floor of a building. The first man says

"I've heard that the wind round here has the power to blow you round the building and throw you back in this window!"

The other man doesn't believe him, so he says "Watch me."

He climbs out of the window and flies off to the left. Not before long, he appears from the right and lands back in the building. The other man says "cool, let me try."

He climbs out of the window and jumps out, plunging 40 stories to his death.

A guy walks up to the one at the window and says "you know, you can be a real git when you're drunk Superman."
 
A

Almost

Hyper Poster
0/10

Short, skinny little guy goes into an elevator, looks up and sees this huge hulking hillbilly standing next to him.

The big guy sees the little guy staring at him, looks down and says: '7 feet tall, 375 pounds, 20 inch private, 3 pound testicles, Turner Brown.'

The little guy faints and falls to the floor.

The big guy kneels down and brings him to, shaking him. The big guy says: 'What's wrong with you?'

In a weak voice the little guy says, 'What EXACTLY did you say to me?'

The big dude says: 'I saw your curious look and figured I'd just give you the answers to the questions everyone always asks me..... I'm 7 feet tall, I weigh 375 pounds, I have a 20 inch private, my testicles weigh 3 pounds each, and my name is Turner Brown.'

The small guy says: 'Turner Brown?!...Sweet Jesus, I thought you said, Turn around!'
 
Beans

Beans

Hyper Poster
7/10 didn't have me howling but liked it.



Interesting Year 1981
1. Prince Charles got married
2. Liverpool crowned soccer Champions of Europe
3. Australia lost the Ashes
4. Pope Died

Interesting Year 2005

1. Prince Charles got married
2. Liverpool crowned soccer Champions of Europe
3. Australia lost the Ashes
4. Pope Died


Lesson Learned? - The next time Charles gets married, someone warn the Pope
 
Ollie

Ollie

CF Legend
0/10

Two packets of crisps are walking home. A bus sees them and pulls up asking if they wanted a lift.
'No thanks' said the one of the crips 'we're walkers'.
 
D

danielmopgs

Roller Poster
Slacky07 did you get this from 'The Vicar of Dibley' because i am sure i have heard it on there...

One day, Superman was flying over New York and on one the skyscraper's, he saw WonderWoman lying stark naked.

So in the blink of a eye, Superman goes down and gives her one.
This was so quick that Wonderwoman said ''What the Hell was that''
And the Invisible Man said ''I don't know but it bloody hurt my back''
Click to expand...
 
LiveForTheLaunch

LiveForTheLaunch

CF Legend
Two packets of crisps are walking home. A bus sees them and pulls up asking if they wanted a lift.
'No thanks' said the one of the crips 'we're walkers'.
Click to expand...

^Walkers are a brand of crisps. They're basically the U.K's version of Lays.
Click to expand...

Oh haha, I get it! I guess it deserves a 7/10.

I'm loving the Superman joke as well, so 8/10 for that one.
 
Leighton

Leighton

Mega Poster
A man is walking through a crowded supermarket , when he sneezes, he pulls out his p*nis wipes it with a tissue, puts back in his jeans and continues his shopping, a few minutes later the same thing happens.
A distressed shopper approaches him 'Excuse me, would you mind not doing that in public, its disturbing.' To which the man replies 'I can't, I have a disorder that causes me to orgasm every time I sneeze.' The woman turns sympathetic 'Oh, that must be terrible. Are you taking anything for it?' The man replies 'Yes, Pepper!'


Meh lol.
 
B

Ben

CF Legend
magic_mountainer said:
^Walkers are a brand of crisps. They're basically the U.K's version of Lays.
Click to expand...

You could have an American version of the joke where they get on the bus because they're Lays(e).
 
A

Anonymous

Guest
Ehh...? :?

Okay, I'll just make a joke and await its rating seeing as none of the last few have made ANY sense at all...

Joke:
I'm not racist, I have colour TV.

hmmm....
 
10WaTT

10WaTT

Hyper Poster
:shock: 5/10

Three men go on holiday abroad together. The tourist office informs them that there is only one hotel in town with vacancies. The lads go along there, only to be told by reception that there is just one available room left in the hotel. They are not keen, but as it is their only option, they take the room for one evening and share its only bed.
That night, they all enjoy a good night's sleep. In the morning, the guy on the right side of the bed says,
"I dreamt I had the best w.a.n.k last night".
The guy on the left side says,
"That's funny, I had the exact same dream!".
The guy in the middle says, "I dreamt I was skiing".
 
Rush

Rush

Giga Poster
HAHA! That's pretty funny. 8/10

Alright this one is quite dirty and long.

A man is going on a, long week business trip. However, his wife is extremely h*rny and cannot stand not having sex every night. So her husband decides to go to a w*ng shop and purchase a toy for her.

However none of them appear to be suitable for the woman, however he notices something on the counter by the shopkeeper. It has 'Voodoo P*nis' written on the side of a box.

'What's that,' asks the man.
'That's a voodoo p*nis sir, for your wife's needs,' the shopkeeper replies.
'That's great, how does it work.'

The shopkeeper opens the box and says,'Voodoo P*nis, out of box.'
Then the w*ng flies out the box.
The keeper then says, 'Voodoo p*nis, to the door.'
The voodoo p*nis then starts having sex with the door.
Finally, the shopkeeper says, 'Voodoo P*nis, into box.'
It then goes back to the box.

The man then buys one and shows it to his wife and tells her what to do. The wife does not like the look of it.

The husband is now on his business trip and the woman is desperate for sex so she gives the voodoo p*nis a try. She says, Voodoo P*nis, out of box, Voodoo p*nis to my crotch.'
Then the voodoo p*nis starts having sex with her and she loves it.

However after sustaining a long orgasm, she begins to get tired of it but her husband forgot to tell her how to take it out, she tries pulling it and nothing happens. So she decides she needs some help. So she puts on some clothes and heads outside for help. Still the voodoo p*nis is her.

On the street, she spots a policeman and she goes up to him saying,'Help me help me, there's a voodoo p*nis stuck in my crotch.
The policeman then looks sarcastically and slightly annoyed before saying:

'Yeah sure, Voodoo P*nis, my arse...'
 
S

Sam

Giga Poster
Lol, that's not bad 7.5/10..... your grammar is awful though.

What's the only animal with an arsehole on its back?

A Police Horse.
 
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