"Checking Out" People While You're in a Relationship

[Dave]

There's nothing wrong with 'admiring' celebrities as a crush, as it's unlikely that you will meet them, or even talk one on one with them. Only downside would be a ridiculous crush where the posters are all over the wall, massive shrine to said celebrity and constantly talking about them.
Long as it isn't someone in your social circle, as that's a minefield of a conversation...

 

[furie]

On that, I can honestly understand where Taylor is coming from in terms of "respect for your other half" (though what respect you show each other is entirely between each other), but I don't see the issue with finding somebody else in your social group attractive.

For me, when I enter a relationship it's based not just on looks. There has to be a level we meet personality wise and intellectually. There has to be a "click" in all three areas. In the same way you may keenly watch a show each week for an attractive character/actor in a show, meeting an attractive friend can be the same. You can even mention it as long as everyone is very secure in themselves and their relationships. It's about knowing each other and knowing why you're together...

 

[Snoo]

^That and this:

I understand that people have different ways of dealing with the way they are and that relationships are built differently for each couple. If you're both happy and it doesn't cause an issue, then so what? Each to their own.

But I do think that her point of going too far, as in "I would bang her all over the planet" would be over the top, no matter the relationship, still reigns true. While my personality leads me to be a bit vulgar and loud, going TOO far doesn't really fit into my vocabulary. There is a happy medium of course.

 

[furie]

Sorry Snoo, I wasn't interested in the dirty washing being hung up, so I skipped most of the posts... :lol:

 

[LiveForTheLaunch]

Thanks for unlocking it Furie . Apologies for the clogging of the topic with the personal digs .

Anyway yah as I said, finding someone attractive is completely natural and if it's mentioned occasionally then it's fine, but I don't SEE the point really. Brad and my ex would never have done it to me because they know I'm sensitive about that, even though I know they both like/liked me for more than just my looks. But, because I can be self conscious in thinking that people will leave me for someone else, I always get a bit concerned when someone points out someone pretty. If it's a randomer on the street it's obviously less concerning, but if it's someone they regularly associate with then I become concerned. Maybe it's a trust issue or something to do with being self conscious, I dunno, but I just don't like it or think it's necessary to do. I do trust Brad obviously, but I just don't see the point of pointing someone out. It serves NO purpose whatsoever.

As for celebrity crushes, they're just ridiculous. Thankfully there's not one male celebrity I find that amazing or attractive to care. When someone writes love letters to Bon Jovi or something though, then there's a problem.

 

[Smithy]

Which goes back to something I went to say but stopped as it was overstepping the mark; the only reason there's an issue with it stems from an already existing or previously existant insecurity within the person who finds it such an outlandish trait. If you've had trust issues, or self asteem issues previously, then you're going to have a different view on it being acceptable or not.

 

[furie]

Just a quick question Tay... Do you think people do this out of "respect", or "fear of their girlfriend turning into a psycho-hose-beast"?

I often find that respect and fear are pretty close bedfellows

 

[LiveForTheLaunch]

^ Well, I do it out of respect personally. I know Brad wouldn't care if I pointed out a hot guy, but I just don't find it necessary whatsoever. What good does it do and what's the purpose? I don't turn into a psycho-hose-beast if he said a girl was pretty, but even so, he only does it when I ask and even then I'll say whether I agree or not. I don't get angry really, unless he got hung up on one girl and never shut up about her, which he doesn't ever do.

Overall it's just not really necessary regardless of whether your significant other has trust or self esteem issues. There isn't much good that can come out of it, only bad, so it's pointless to do in the first place.

 

[furie]

Don't get me wrong, I agree, just playing devil's advocate a little.

I'm also really intrigued by the strength of feeling you have about it in other couples to be honest. I don't do it and Madame_Furie doesn't, but we've not got an issue if others in another relationship can have a healthy relationship and partake in the activity :lol:

 

[LiveForTheLaunch]

^ Oh I don't really, I was just being a bitch and was expressing my dislike for it . But if neither party minds, then I suppose it's okay, but it's just because I don't see the purpose of it whatsoever. Obviously I don't represent the feelings of every person in the world, but I find it disrespectful even if both parties are okay with it, if that makes sense. Whether or not they're perfectly fine with it, there's no reason for it.

 

[Antinos]

"fear of their girlfriend turning into a psycho-hose-beast"

This was my problem. I had a cute girlfriend and I was glad I dated her. I chose her over other girls for various, unrelated reasons. But there were many other fish in the sea, or as Marcus would put it, fine pieces of ass. She had trust issues, so she thought that if I so much as looked at another girl, I'd leave her for said girl. I personally don't think there's a problem with it - I feel that it's fine to be on a diet and still read the menu. It becomes a problem when the significant other feels threatened, whether it's "I wanna bang her all night" extreme or "she's cute" and your girl automatically assumes that you place the other girl on a higher pedestal.

 

[LiveForTheLaunch]

^ Yah but why not take the time to compliment your girlfriend, rather than pissing them off or making them feel bad by pointing out a complete randomer?

 

[Uncle Arly]

^ But the problem is, if the guy/girl has issue like that, even if you DO compliment them, they'll still feel like you don't mean it, and want someone else.

 

[furie]

^ But the problem is, if the guy/girl has issue like that, even if you DO compliment them, they'll still feel like you don't mean it, and want someone else.

The only way around that is to constantly request sex from your other half, but then apparently "you're too demanding" - you just can't win

 

[Uncle Arly]

Exactly, Furie!

 

[Dave]

^ Yah but why not take the time to compliment your girlfriend, rather than pissing them off or making them feel bad by pointing out a complete randomer?

But you go "oh she's nice" when your out and about, and when your are together privatley that whole "you my one and only (for now)" rubbish starts? Am I just on my own about this one? I still find this perfectly alright, long as you don't follow it up.

If they don't agree then a Tim Minchin song says this right;

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IeZMIgheZro[/youtube]

 

[LiveForTheLaunch]

^ No, how about "you're my one and only" whether they're in public or in private?

 

[Dave]

Because I've been there, said that before, and I'm single. So therefore those words seem somewhat irrelevant to me?

 

[LiveForTheLaunch]

^ So basically your logic is that you've tried to be nice to someone and make them your "one and only" and now you're single, so because your relationship didn't work out, everyone should make their significant other feel insignificant in comparison to other people? Great logic, Dave!

 

[Dave]

"Checking Out" People While You're in a Relationship

I didn't say it should be followed by everyone, I said 'me' at the end. Therefore it is of my opinion about my views on the subject. Happy?