LD Relationships.
- Thread starter Artichoke
- Start date
Nemesis Inferno
Strata Poster
Tbh, there's no point posting in here because quite simply in comparison mine and Nicky's isn't long distance in comparison to Artichoke's and Taylor/Brad's...
However, they CAN work, they just require a lot of effort to keep it going...
However, they CAN work, they just require a lot of effort to keep it going...
Nemesis Inferno
Strata Poster
^But if you can't see each other with any form of regular basis... It's extremely hard...
Not seeing your other half for just two weeks feels a lot longer than that...
Relationships aren't all wild flowers and daffodils... Even in right person ones...
Not seeing your other half for just two weeks feels a lot longer than that...
Relationships aren't all wild flowers and daffodils... Even in right person ones...
nealbie
CF Legend
Yes, you're right, it IS difficult. But there's no over-riding need to man-manage the situation to 'make it work'. It's an awful pain not being able to physically see your other half for two weeks, a month (any length of time really); but you still hold those deep-rooted feelings, so other than an irritation it's inconsequential to your emotional attachment.
And no, they're not all flowers, again you're right - ESPECIALLY if they want to be 'the one' there's no BLOODY flowers and excessive luvvy dovey vomit-fuel.
.....Steering back to the original post a bit, give thought to what I've said, your feelings for one-another can never be broken by a lack of phsyical interaction on a regular basis if they really are the person you're going to be sharing the rest of your life with. You should love them unconditionally, and they in return. But yes, it IS bloody annoying when you can't see them daily!
Have a nice day, y'all.
And no, they're not all flowers, again you're right - ESPECIALLY if they want to be 'the one' there's no BLOODY flowers and excessive luvvy dovey vomit-fuel.
.....Steering back to the original post a bit, give thought to what I've said, your feelings for one-another can never be broken by a lack of phsyical interaction on a regular basis if they really are the person you're going to be sharing the rest of your life with. You should love them unconditionally, and they in return. But yes, it IS bloody annoying when you can't see them daily!
Have a nice day, y'all.
Artichoke
Mega Poster
That's the thing. We've never seen each other, and it's been six months :?
So with that, and not talking like we used to... I worry. I love him to death. It just doesn't feel like he puts much of an effort into it. I kind of feel like I'm alone in the whole thing.
Thank you for your comments. It helps a lot.
So with that, and not talking like we used to... I worry. I love him to death. It just doesn't feel like he puts much of an effort into it. I kind of feel like I'm alone in the whole thing.
Thank you for your comments. It helps a lot.
That goes against everything that has ever been written about LDRs. Every article I've read says that they require more effort. Simple companionship & connectedness is often the core of a relationship & both can be hard to maintain with many miles & long periods of time apart. Then there's the whole physical aspect of a relationship that requires further effort to maintain when distance creates long periods of separation.nealbie said:
Edit. Neal posted that it is difficult while I was writing this, so I guess he does think it requires some effort.
Artichoke - You say you've never seen each other? Building a new relationship is a whole lot harder than maintaining an existing one. Communication is a big part of it, but some guys just think that a call every now & then is enough. Do you text each other or write emails?
Artichoke
Mega Poster
We've never seen each other. I'm supposed to be going to see him in August. But, what happens next? In the beginning, it was great. It was more than I expected. But things have changed.
We used to talk all the time. Now, it's a text here and there. It's hard deciding on what to do.
We used to talk all the time. Now, it's a text here and there. It's hard deciding on what to do.
Ollie
CF Legend
I thought I had a long distance relationship with Maddie being in north England and me being almost as south as you can get. 
Hard to believe we've almost been together a year already.
They are a good thing. If you love someone then you love someone. You've got to try and overcome the obstacles which can be tough sometimes.
Communication is really important when you're far apart. We text alot and talk to each other on Skype almost every night so technology has helped alot in making that easier.
We try and see each other at least once a month and when we do we visit for at least a week to make it worthwhile. The cost of travel is another thing that gets in the way, but usually if you can plan in advance and book the tickets it's slightly cheaper.
When I first started seeing Maddie I had to take the National Express coach to Hull which was horrible. I had to take a 2 and a half hour coach to London and then a 6 hour coach to Hull. Spent the whole day travelling but it was worth it. Since then I've got a Railcard so it means I can get the train from London which is just over 2 hours which is much better.
But yeah it is hard. Obviously the distance between us is nothing compared to yourself or Taylor and Brad but we're still far apart and it can be tough sometimes and feel like forever in the gaps that you're apart. Like Benin said, 2 weeks can seem to take forever.
I'm also lucky that when I start uni in September I'll be a lot closer so that'll help alot.
Anyway I've babbled on enough. But yeah, long distance relationships aren't a bad thing. You've got to communicate daily and try to see each other as often as you can.
Hard to believe we've almost been together a year already.
They are a good thing. If you love someone then you love someone. You've got to try and overcome the obstacles which can be tough sometimes.
Communication is really important when you're far apart. We text alot and talk to each other on Skype almost every night so technology has helped alot in making that easier.
We try and see each other at least once a month and when we do we visit for at least a week to make it worthwhile. The cost of travel is another thing that gets in the way, but usually if you can plan in advance and book the tickets it's slightly cheaper.
When I first started seeing Maddie I had to take the National Express coach to Hull which was horrible. I had to take a 2 and a half hour coach to London and then a 6 hour coach to Hull. Spent the whole day travelling but it was worth it. Since then I've got a Railcard so it means I can get the train from London which is just over 2 hours which is much better.
But yeah it is hard. Obviously the distance between us is nothing compared to yourself or Taylor and Brad but we're still far apart and it can be tough sometimes and feel like forever in the gaps that you're apart. Like Benin said, 2 weeks can seem to take forever.
I'm also lucky that when I start uni in September I'll be a lot closer so that'll help alot.
Anyway I've babbled on enough. But yeah, long distance relationships aren't a bad thing. You've got to communicate daily and try to see each other as often as you can.
It sounds like things need to improve with your communication before you will feel comfortable about going to see him. In this case it might be a good thing that there is a lot of time between now & then for things to get back to the way they were. You might want to consider letting him know how you feel about how things have changed. If he feels as strongly about you as you do of him, then he should make the effort needed to make you feel comfortable about your relationship again. A good relationship, no matter the distance, has to go both ways.
Artichoke
Mega Poster
Nope. Never have seen him. Like I said before, the beginning was awesome. We talked and texted all the time. Now... I'm lucky if I get a text at all. I've talked to him about how I feel more than once, and again today. He hasn't really responded to it. I kind of feel like I get the cold shoulder at times. All he's said is that he thinks it'll work. And then I don't hear from him again.
It would be so much easier if I lived a bit closer, which we've talked about before. But, he thinks I should stay where I'm at.
It would be so much easier if I lived a bit closer, which we've talked about before. But, he thinks I should stay where I'm at.
Call me old fashioned, but a online friendship with somebody you've never met is not a relationship! From a bloke's point of view, perhaps talk about relationships and whatnot may have scared him away.
From my one and only experience of a LDR. It was 2001, I was already in a relationship but met a lovely Yorkshire girl at a team building day for a company I was temping for. She (and her colleagues) had come down from the Rotherham office and was staying in Southampton. Afterwards we went out for a few drinks and I ended up spending the night with her.
For a few weeks afterwards she would call and we'd have phone sex, but I soon realised that it wasn't going to work. I was not prepared to travel up to Yorkshire every week to see here when I had companionship at home.
Unless you're both prepared to make a sacrifice (for want of a better word) then any long term relationship is doomed.
From my one and only experience of a LDR. It was 2001, I was already in a relationship but met a lovely Yorkshire girl at a team building day for a company I was temping for. She (and her colleagues) had come down from the Rotherham office and was staying in Southampton. Afterwards we went out for a few drinks and I ended up spending the night with her.
For a few weeks afterwards she would call and we'd have phone sex, but I soon realised that it wasn't going to work. I was not prepared to travel up to Yorkshire every week to see here when I had companionship at home.
Unless you're both prepared to make a sacrifice (for want of a better word) then any long term relationship is doomed.
I have had 2 long distance ones and I have always found the same as you. At 1st its text after text and call after call and then it all slows down.
You call at arranged times and there is no answer and you have no idea where they are, you go on msn and they are there but no reply when you try and talk.
So from my experience they do not work after a while, mine lasted about 2 years. They require a lot of trust and money, trust is the biggest issue most people have even with someone near them so for an LDR its even worse.
But unlike you I did see them nearly every weekend and when we could, talking on line though like Ian said is not a relationship really in my view as well. I would also add a 50 mile distance is not a LDR mine was me in Ilford him in Wales at uni but he was from Essex.
You call at arranged times and there is no answer and you have no idea where they are, you go on msn and they are there but no reply when you try and talk.
So from my experience they do not work after a while, mine lasted about 2 years. They require a lot of trust and money, trust is the biggest issue most people have even with someone near them so for an LDR its even worse.
But unlike you I did see them nearly every weekend and when we could, talking on line though like Ian said is not a relationship really in my view as well. I would also add a 50 mile distance is not a LDR mine was me in Ilford him in Wales at uni but he was from Essex.
EnigmaHyena
Hyper Poster
Long distance relationships are awful and not even worth starting in my opinion.
I've only done one, but that was enough to make me realize "Yeah...this isn't going anywhere. Long distance relationships suck". It was in 2007 and I started dating a girl from Switzerland who I'd known since 2005 through various art websites. We managed to keep it going for 4 months, but by that point the pain and torture of not being able to see eachother got too much and we decided it'd be best if we went back to being 'just friends'. Luckily we're still very, very close friends and she even flew over to London to visit me in 2009, so it's all good.
So in general I'd say LD relationships are a big no-no. The love may be there, but there's only so long you can simply stick to only speaking by text/online. It's not easy, so I understand what you're going through Artichoke (I don't know if my London-Switzerland distance was as long as yours though).
I've only done one, but that was enough to make me realize "Yeah...this isn't going anywhere. Long distance relationships suck". It was in 2007 and I started dating a girl from Switzerland who I'd known since 2005 through various art websites. We managed to keep it going for 4 months, but by that point the pain and torture of not being able to see eachother got too much and we decided it'd be best if we went back to being 'just friends'. Luckily we're still very, very close friends and she even flew over to London to visit me in 2009, so it's all good.
So in general I'd say LD relationships are a big no-no. The love may be there, but there's only so long you can simply stick to only speaking by text/online. It's not easy, so I understand what you're going through Artichoke (I don't know if my London-Switzerland distance was as long as yours though).