I think that swans are one of the most sinister animals/birds on the planet. Yes, there may be a few QI siren moments in this explanation, but bear with me.
Firstly they tend to mate for life. There’s nothing wrong with monogamy per se, but they are ****ing animals and this is the 21st century. I think anybody that has just one partner and settles down with them a bit strange.
A paedophile swan, yesterday.
Swans are also property of The Queen. When a prisoner is incarcerated, he is at “Her Majesty’s pleasure”. What crime must have some swan committed many moons ago in order to be at Her Majesty’s pleasure? We don’t know, so there’s obviously some cover up. Treason perhaps? Trying to overthrow a monarch. That’s well sinister.
A scheming swan, yesterday.
When swans swim, one leg is tucked under their wing. So that’s like Heather Mills swimming and we all know how evil she is.
It’s also truth that a swan can break a mans arm with just their wing! Amazing. What other birds do you know that could do that?
They even look like they are wearing a mask! What do they have to hide?
A swan looking shifty, yesterday.
This is probably a myth, but apparently mute swans only make a sound when they are dying. Call me suspicious, but any creature that spends his life in silence, just to talk when he’s about to croak is a bit selfish. Imagine you’re by a lake and you hear a swan, you know that it’s about to die. That swan has made sure that you feel concerned about it and it will play on your mind.
Still not convinced that swans are sinister? Then here’s my trump card…
A black swan in da hood, probably plotting a drive-by, yesterday.
EDIT: I've found out some more facts:
Swans have far more neck vertebrae than mammals, with 24 or 25 vertebrae; most mammals only have seven.
Swans in general have the largest eggs of any flighted bird.
So, do you think swans are sinister?
Firstly they tend to mate for life. There’s nothing wrong with monogamy per se, but they are ****ing animals and this is the 21st century. I think anybody that has just one partner and settles down with them a bit strange.
A paedophile swan, yesterday.
Swans are also property of The Queen. When a prisoner is incarcerated, he is at “Her Majesty’s pleasure”. What crime must have some swan committed many moons ago in order to be at Her Majesty’s pleasure? We don’t know, so there’s obviously some cover up. Treason perhaps? Trying to overthrow a monarch. That’s well sinister.
A scheming swan, yesterday.
When swans swim, one leg is tucked under their wing. So that’s like Heather Mills swimming and we all know how evil she is.
It’s also truth that a swan can break a mans arm with just their wing! Amazing. What other birds do you know that could do that?
They even look like they are wearing a mask! What do they have to hide?
A swan looking shifty, yesterday.
This is probably a myth, but apparently mute swans only make a sound when they are dying. Call me suspicious, but any creature that spends his life in silence, just to talk when he’s about to croak is a bit selfish. Imagine you’re by a lake and you hear a swan, you know that it’s about to die. That swan has made sure that you feel concerned about it and it will play on your mind.
Still not convinced that swans are sinister? Then here’s my trump card…
A black swan in da hood, probably plotting a drive-by, yesterday.
EDIT: I've found out some more facts:
Swans have far more neck vertebrae than mammals, with 24 or 25 vertebrae; most mammals only have seven.
Swans in general have the largest eggs of any flighted bird.
So, do you think swans are sinister?
