As a polite warning, this blog contains shocking levels of self-indulgence and crude language. For those that nevertheless dare to ride, hang on to your bums… because it’s about to get spicy.
*********
We were somewhere around West Bromwich on the edge of the Birmingham when the best hook in the whole musical began to take hold. “Oh well! I never was there ever! A cat so clever as magical Mr. Mistoffelees!", we sang chaotically (though without much care to that). Spirits were high, and rightly so. This trip to Blackpool (our very first) was first arranged to celebrate Mrs. Nitefly’s birthday…. ~18 months ago. Amazingly, BPB had honoured our park tickets for a new date of our choice - now a night of ‘late riding’ - and our hotel had likewise agreed to shuffle along our room booking too. We would be staying for two nights and having two days at the park (one evening and one full day). Oh, boy!
We had opted to stay at the Boulevard Hotel, which is the newest of the two ‘on-site’ offerings. “Take that, Cedar Point”, Mrs. Nitefly quipped as the Big One rolled into view against the sombre grey skyline and the seemingly abandoned promenade. The car park for the hotel sits right next to The Big One’s lift hill. Driving in, we was a little taken aback at how much was going on across the skyline. Being BPB virgins, it all looked truly amazing.
Our room at the hotel was excellent, with a superb view of BPB:
Look at that lift hill, woweeee!!!
Wait, hold the ****ing phone; is that a Snorlax?! My eyes narrowed:
".... mother ****er!!!", I thought (in my very best 'Marcellus Wallace' voice). Could this trip be the one where I finally win this coveted prize...?
Strong accents were a theme of our trip to BPB. “Aye, yoo oot to av aye goot eve, eye ron brew?”, said the Scottish security guard on the turnstiles, with a smile. “….. yes”, I guessed. He then said something completely undecipherable, evidently expecting a reply. We smiled awkwardly in silence until he sensed that he was no fun to be had and waved us through, but nevertheless in a genuinely warm and kind manner (which was echoed by all BPB staff throughout the trip).
Our first stop was the Pasaje del Terror scare maze attraction, as that was due to close imminently. We queued quietly amongst the large and very loud group of neighbouring guests, some of them in matching tracksuits but all of them conversing between each other without hesitation or fear. 'Speaking to people that you don't know?! What is this sorcery?!', I thought, wondering whether I had become truly socially inept as a result of a pandemic. Eventually, one group took it upon themselves to strike up a conversation with me. I bantered as best as I could, but once again the clash of accents thwarted communications; I could not fully understand what they were saying. It didn’t matter though. My perception from that point (unchallenged for the whole trip) was that all at BPB were there to have a great time.
Pasaje del Terror was really rather fun and I would recommend it, if you like goofy horror. The actor interactions included some dialogue and many 'set pieces' from famous (albeit presumably unlicensed) horror franchises, including the Exorcist, Halloween and the Nun. The scares were typically far more aggressive than the halloween scare mazes at, say, Alton Towers. With the scares came big laughs and our group left the attraction giggling at the silliness.
I’m absolutely delighted to report that we then had possibly the most enjoyable suite of back-to-back rides in memory. Our first stop was the Flying Machines. Nowhere was the ‘salt-of-the-earth’ nature of the BPB staff more apparent than here. “I’m afraid you’ll have to drink your beer before you get on - I mean, I would let you, but, there’s cameras watching, ya know?”, said one member of staff to a guest. Meanwhile, I observed the ageing wooden platform and how the rockets rested against it - how charming! The cycle was long and pleasant. We laughed and people-watched in our own private rocket, debating how far we would go if the rocket became detached from the wires. We spiralled round and took great enjoyment at nothing in particular.
From Flying Machines, we spotted Derby Racer which looked adorable in the now-dusk lighting. We took our horses and started spiralling once more, with a practically full carousel. Everywhere I looked, people were having fun. It was almost as if the unadulterated, childish joy of the few was causing a wider joy that grew and grew amongst the many - a feedback loop, of sorts. It was all very contagious and there was no doubt any more. We all pulled on our reigns, cheered and flew! Round and round, we went, to the organ. Mrs. Nitefly cheekily claimed she was in the lead. Not a chance! I pulled on the reigns, more and more until I was certain I was in the lead, punching the air with a fist of victory! "Yeeee harrrr!". I turned to Mrs. Nitefly, who was laughing and cheering on her horse. I was laughing too. We all left Derby Racer with big grins and looked for our next ride. There was something quite… special, about that ride. I now can’t help but feel rather sentimental about it.
We meandered along and by chance encountered Alice in Wonderland (or whatever it is formally called). From the outside, this looked wonky… a little bit crispy! But again, charming. Like old children’s books in your nan’s loft, you know?
We boarded our Cheshire Cat, which happened to be one that had the Mad Hatter sat in the back-seat. Now, I factually know this ride is rather dank (my nose immediately informed me of this) but for whatever reason, I ****ing loved it. Oh god, I loved it. There was just so much **** everywhere. Weird, old, neon ****, all over the place. The Cheshire Cat paraded us around unusually fast for a dark ride, or if not actually fast, really darn close to what we were supposed to be looking at (quite unlike other rides that give you opportunity to take things in). Would you like some time to look at this neon ****? No Sir, not for you!!! Perhaps that was for the best. I was particularly delighted to hear that the soundtrack for the inside section was “I have a golden ticket” from Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory, which incidentally is the tune for the mindless song we sing at our cat, Togepi, when he comes home (which is always an event, because he is never home). “They call him Togepi!”, we sang at the ominous neon nightmare. “They-call-him-****-ing-To-Ge-Piiiiiiiiii”. Maybe one day I'll figure out why Togepi stays out of the house so much.
We left the ride in a happy daze; numerous animated Disney-birds tweeted alongside as we laughed heartily and skipped along without care nor worry. Sure, our joyous mannerisms were bound to annoy the absolute **** out of everyone who saw us (or anyone reading this blog, for that matter). But you know what, **** it, I’m banking it. It’s not every day you have such a nice time, right?
Next up was the ‘River Caves’ - oooooo a mysterious wild card. We’d never ever heard of this one. Like Alice, this looked shonka-donka. To great amusement, the operator vacuumed water out of our ‘log’ before we got in it. We then saw the corny “tunnel of love” sign and smirked at the goofiness. I would smirk further every time I saw that sign for the rest of the trip, as the phrase "tunnel of love" has absolutely nothing to do with the ride experience, which was a surprisingly long slow boat journey against various 'worldly' scenes. Again, I loved River Caves, perhaps because I had absolutely no idea what I was in for. But I'm always a sucker for an unexpected dino. How nice to have some actual dark rides in your park. The boats were nicely spread out so we really did feel quite alone on our journey. We entered the ice cave section at an ambient break in the looping music and, you know what, it was perfect. It just was.
But we didn't travel all this way just for the whimsical. We’re here for some coasters. Bring it on. We therefore headed onto our first coaster of the trip, the Big Dipper. Neither of us knew the layout of this one, nor really anything about it, apart from the fact it was really old. We ended up on the penultimate row. “We need to keep off the wheel seats”, I instructed Mrs. Nitefly, who nodded. “It’s what my friends on the Internet forum said.”
The seats were so funny. Fabric?! Fabric seats! Must be a nightmare to clear vom off of these. The train lurched and crunched its way out of the station, in an 'aged' manner that felt very unique. This was by far the oldest coaster I have ever been on and, as we chugged around towards the lift hill, I was feeling a little apprehensive about how brutal it was going to be. But oh, what a sight. Here we were, smack bang in the middle of several other coasters. Joyful shrieks from the surrounding rides. Smiles everywhere. Yes.
Down the first hill we went. Wow, super duper airtime - surprising! Bums completely in the air and both holding onto the extremely loose bar to stay in the car. Then, bang, massive airtime again on the second hill. Oh, my! We rattled our way around the track uncomfortably, but laughing at the absurdity of it. What an absolute crisper! The train applauded as it pulled into the station, as did the people sitting on it (all amazed that the train itself could applaud).
What I learned from the Big Dipper is more about my airtime preferences. I like it comfy. If the airtime/restraint combo makes it somewhat painful, it’s just not ideal. Sure, the Big Dipper is a rough ride, but in isolation the airtime was great.
We wondered around some more, not really knowing where to go, nor caring. We found ourselves in Nickelodeon Land and had a merry ride on the Krusty Krab drop tower. “I’m not sure you’re tall enough?” joked the 'salt-of-the-earth' operator, before he carefully loaded the ride up with children, wishing them well. Everyone here really seems to love their job, I thought, at least the more senior folk.
Time for another coaster, Blue Flyer. This was a station wait, so we both enthusiastically ran onto a seat together, before realising it was impossible for us to sit down. “You'll have to sit in separate seats", laughed the operator. Even with Mrs. Nitefly in her own seat, I still couldn’t fit in. Two ride ops came over to assist and recommended a way to sit down. Never had that problem before! Still, my knees were rammed on metal parts of the train and I quickly realised that I was potentially going to get broken knee caps if the train jerked around. I spent the ride in a terrified embrace, simply to avoid injury, so unfortunately can’t say I enjoyed this at all - but Mrs. Nitefly liked it. If you’re above 6’, you may well struggle with Blue Flyer.
The biggest surprise of the night was our next ride: Nickelodeon Streak. The sun had gone and we were truly on the night rides now. It was also drizzling quite a bit at the time and we were on the back row, which was perhaps the explanation... but this ride absolute monstered around the track. We were being buckaroo’ed all over the place. I was shocked. The true stamp of a wild ride was given: Mrs. Nitefly screamed (this is rare). Genuinely, some of the most aggressive and surprising airtime we’ve ever had. I mean, I couldn't believe it. Nickelodeon Steak…. really?! The ride was certainly a rough one and after all of those woodies we were definitely craving something a little… smoother.
Into the final hour, we managed to get onto Avalanche. Perhaps the drizzle affected matters but this was a really wild ride and I was actually concerned that the car might fly off the track… not a possibility in reality, but that was the ferocity of it in its final moments. This was one of our favourites.
Then… one of the most anticipated rides of the trip… the Big One. Now we're talking!!! I have wanted to go on this since '94. We queued up for the front row, for this was a special event. It was such a wonderful joy, climbing that lift hill and seeing the park lit up. I was quite emotional at the sight. Of course, with a big climb like that comes a big fall… although unfortunately for us in more ways than one. By the time we had reached the turnaround near the park entrance, I was really quite desperate for the Big One to end. What a rattler. “R-r-r-r-r-r-r-r-r-r-r-r”, said the young woman behind me, mocking the roughness. We hit the break run with long faces and immediately expressed our mutual disappointment. What a let down… terrible, really. We decided we would give it another chance the following day.
With less than half an hour before park closing, we jumped on Steeple Chase, which had a very short queue. We have both wanted to get on this for years. It’s just looks so cute! Unfortunately, it was really quite jolty. “Ooof”, said Mrs. Nitefly, disapprovingly, many times. It was OK but, again, quite a disappointment, certainly so in the sense that we didn't feel compelled to ride it again. After this, we were well and truly rattled/jolted-out.
There was then just enough time to march over for a ride on the 'main event'…. Icon. At this point, I must say that the park was looking rather glorious:
We had a back row ride on one of the final trains of the evening. I’ve read a lot of middling reviews on Icon so I had quite low expectations, which were easily exceeded. It was smooth, forceful and really just a whole heap of fun. When the ride ended, I could barely believe that others had said it was sluggish. Sure, it wasn’t the most intense ride…. But sluggish? No way, not even at the end (although I had previously thought it looked quite slow from some POVs). In respect of airtime, I found there to be quite a bit throughout the layout. But the restraints did jank into my thighs a little bit (particularly off the top-hat, as you would expect). If airtime is going to throw you up like that, I definitely prefer to have restraints like Lech Coaster. Lech is super aggressive with the airtime, far more so than Icon, but it's soooo comfortable by comparison, as the pressure is taken off your legs by the body restraint. Nitpicking aside though, I was very impressed. Mrs. Nitefly and I exchanged our glowing thoughts and we looked forward to getting a second ride on Icon the following day, to then properly judge whether this was a Nemesis-beater or not.
We meandered out of the park slowly, taking in the sights. What a truly excellent evening. Well played BPB, well played *claps*
To find out where Icon sits in the rankings (and whether I finally won that Snorlax), you’ll have to stay tuned for part 2 of this blog, where Mrs. Nitefly and I have a full day at BPB, complete the coaster collection and experience many of the other offerings.
Thanks for reading.
*********
We were somewhere around West Bromwich on the edge of the Birmingham when the best hook in the whole musical began to take hold. “Oh well! I never was there ever! A cat so clever as magical Mr. Mistoffelees!", we sang chaotically (though without much care to that). Spirits were high, and rightly so. This trip to Blackpool (our very first) was first arranged to celebrate Mrs. Nitefly’s birthday…. ~18 months ago. Amazingly, BPB had honoured our park tickets for a new date of our choice - now a night of ‘late riding’ - and our hotel had likewise agreed to shuffle along our room booking too. We would be staying for two nights and having two days at the park (one evening and one full day). Oh, boy!
We had opted to stay at the Boulevard Hotel, which is the newest of the two ‘on-site’ offerings. “Take that, Cedar Point”, Mrs. Nitefly quipped as the Big One rolled into view against the sombre grey skyline and the seemingly abandoned promenade. The car park for the hotel sits right next to The Big One’s lift hill. Driving in, we was a little taken aback at how much was going on across the skyline. Being BPB virgins, it all looked truly amazing.
Our room at the hotel was excellent, with a superb view of BPB:
Look at that lift hill, woweeee!!!
Wait, hold the ****ing phone; is that a Snorlax?! My eyes narrowed:
".... mother ****er!!!", I thought (in my very best 'Marcellus Wallace' voice). Could this trip be the one where I finally win this coveted prize...?
Strong accents were a theme of our trip to BPB. “Aye, yoo oot to av aye goot eve, eye ron brew?”, said the Scottish security guard on the turnstiles, with a smile. “….. yes”, I guessed. He then said something completely undecipherable, evidently expecting a reply. We smiled awkwardly in silence until he sensed that he was no fun to be had and waved us through, but nevertheless in a genuinely warm and kind manner (which was echoed by all BPB staff throughout the trip).
Our first stop was the Pasaje del Terror scare maze attraction, as that was due to close imminently. We queued quietly amongst the large and very loud group of neighbouring guests, some of them in matching tracksuits but all of them conversing between each other without hesitation or fear. 'Speaking to people that you don't know?! What is this sorcery?!', I thought, wondering whether I had become truly socially inept as a result of a pandemic. Eventually, one group took it upon themselves to strike up a conversation with me. I bantered as best as I could, but once again the clash of accents thwarted communications; I could not fully understand what they were saying. It didn’t matter though. My perception from that point (unchallenged for the whole trip) was that all at BPB were there to have a great time.
Pasaje del Terror was really rather fun and I would recommend it, if you like goofy horror. The actor interactions included some dialogue and many 'set pieces' from famous (albeit presumably unlicensed) horror franchises, including the Exorcist, Halloween and the Nun. The scares were typically far more aggressive than the halloween scare mazes at, say, Alton Towers. With the scares came big laughs and our group left the attraction giggling at the silliness.
I’m absolutely delighted to report that we then had possibly the most enjoyable suite of back-to-back rides in memory. Our first stop was the Flying Machines. Nowhere was the ‘salt-of-the-earth’ nature of the BPB staff more apparent than here. “I’m afraid you’ll have to drink your beer before you get on - I mean, I would let you, but, there’s cameras watching, ya know?”, said one member of staff to a guest. Meanwhile, I observed the ageing wooden platform and how the rockets rested against it - how charming! The cycle was long and pleasant. We laughed and people-watched in our own private rocket, debating how far we would go if the rocket became detached from the wires. We spiralled round and took great enjoyment at nothing in particular.
From Flying Machines, we spotted Derby Racer which looked adorable in the now-dusk lighting. We took our horses and started spiralling once more, with a practically full carousel. Everywhere I looked, people were having fun. It was almost as if the unadulterated, childish joy of the few was causing a wider joy that grew and grew amongst the many - a feedback loop, of sorts. It was all very contagious and there was no doubt any more. We all pulled on our reigns, cheered and flew! Round and round, we went, to the organ. Mrs. Nitefly cheekily claimed she was in the lead. Not a chance! I pulled on the reigns, more and more until I was certain I was in the lead, punching the air with a fist of victory! "Yeeee harrrr!". I turned to Mrs. Nitefly, who was laughing and cheering on her horse. I was laughing too. We all left Derby Racer with big grins and looked for our next ride. There was something quite… special, about that ride. I now can’t help but feel rather sentimental about it.
We meandered along and by chance encountered Alice in Wonderland (or whatever it is formally called). From the outside, this looked wonky… a little bit crispy! But again, charming. Like old children’s books in your nan’s loft, you know?
We boarded our Cheshire Cat, which happened to be one that had the Mad Hatter sat in the back-seat. Now, I factually know this ride is rather dank (my nose immediately informed me of this) but for whatever reason, I ****ing loved it. Oh god, I loved it. There was just so much **** everywhere. Weird, old, neon ****, all over the place. The Cheshire Cat paraded us around unusually fast for a dark ride, or if not actually fast, really darn close to what we were supposed to be looking at (quite unlike other rides that give you opportunity to take things in). Would you like some time to look at this neon ****? No Sir, not for you!!! Perhaps that was for the best. I was particularly delighted to hear that the soundtrack for the inside section was “I have a golden ticket” from Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory, which incidentally is the tune for the mindless song we sing at our cat, Togepi, when he comes home (which is always an event, because he is never home). “They call him Togepi!”, we sang at the ominous neon nightmare. “They-call-him-****-ing-To-Ge-Piiiiiiiiii”. Maybe one day I'll figure out why Togepi stays out of the house so much.
We left the ride in a happy daze; numerous animated Disney-birds tweeted alongside as we laughed heartily and skipped along without care nor worry. Sure, our joyous mannerisms were bound to annoy the absolute **** out of everyone who saw us (or anyone reading this blog, for that matter). But you know what, **** it, I’m banking it. It’s not every day you have such a nice time, right?
Next up was the ‘River Caves’ - oooooo a mysterious wild card. We’d never ever heard of this one. Like Alice, this looked shonka-donka. To great amusement, the operator vacuumed water out of our ‘log’ before we got in it. We then saw the corny “tunnel of love” sign and smirked at the goofiness. I would smirk further every time I saw that sign for the rest of the trip, as the phrase "tunnel of love" has absolutely nothing to do with the ride experience, which was a surprisingly long slow boat journey against various 'worldly' scenes. Again, I loved River Caves, perhaps because I had absolutely no idea what I was in for. But I'm always a sucker for an unexpected dino. How nice to have some actual dark rides in your park. The boats were nicely spread out so we really did feel quite alone on our journey. We entered the ice cave section at an ambient break in the looping music and, you know what, it was perfect. It just was.
But we didn't travel all this way just for the whimsical. We’re here for some coasters. Bring it on. We therefore headed onto our first coaster of the trip, the Big Dipper. Neither of us knew the layout of this one, nor really anything about it, apart from the fact it was really old. We ended up on the penultimate row. “We need to keep off the wheel seats”, I instructed Mrs. Nitefly, who nodded. “It’s what my friends on the Internet forum said.”
The seats were so funny. Fabric?! Fabric seats! Must be a nightmare to clear vom off of these. The train lurched and crunched its way out of the station, in an 'aged' manner that felt very unique. This was by far the oldest coaster I have ever been on and, as we chugged around towards the lift hill, I was feeling a little apprehensive about how brutal it was going to be. But oh, what a sight. Here we were, smack bang in the middle of several other coasters. Joyful shrieks from the surrounding rides. Smiles everywhere. Yes.
Down the first hill we went. Wow, super duper airtime - surprising! Bums completely in the air and both holding onto the extremely loose bar to stay in the car. Then, bang, massive airtime again on the second hill. Oh, my! We rattled our way around the track uncomfortably, but laughing at the absurdity of it. What an absolute crisper! The train applauded as it pulled into the station, as did the people sitting on it (all amazed that the train itself could applaud).
What I learned from the Big Dipper is more about my airtime preferences. I like it comfy. If the airtime/restraint combo makes it somewhat painful, it’s just not ideal. Sure, the Big Dipper is a rough ride, but in isolation the airtime was great.
We wondered around some more, not really knowing where to go, nor caring. We found ourselves in Nickelodeon Land and had a merry ride on the Krusty Krab drop tower. “I’m not sure you’re tall enough?” joked the 'salt-of-the-earth' operator, before he carefully loaded the ride up with children, wishing them well. Everyone here really seems to love their job, I thought, at least the more senior folk.
Time for another coaster, Blue Flyer. This was a station wait, so we both enthusiastically ran onto a seat together, before realising it was impossible for us to sit down. “You'll have to sit in separate seats", laughed the operator. Even with Mrs. Nitefly in her own seat, I still couldn’t fit in. Two ride ops came over to assist and recommended a way to sit down. Never had that problem before! Still, my knees were rammed on metal parts of the train and I quickly realised that I was potentially going to get broken knee caps if the train jerked around. I spent the ride in a terrified embrace, simply to avoid injury, so unfortunately can’t say I enjoyed this at all - but Mrs. Nitefly liked it. If you’re above 6’, you may well struggle with Blue Flyer.
The biggest surprise of the night was our next ride: Nickelodeon Streak. The sun had gone and we were truly on the night rides now. It was also drizzling quite a bit at the time and we were on the back row, which was perhaps the explanation... but this ride absolute monstered around the track. We were being buckaroo’ed all over the place. I was shocked. The true stamp of a wild ride was given: Mrs. Nitefly screamed (this is rare). Genuinely, some of the most aggressive and surprising airtime we’ve ever had. I mean, I couldn't believe it. Nickelodeon Steak…. really?! The ride was certainly a rough one and after all of those woodies we were definitely craving something a little… smoother.
Into the final hour, we managed to get onto Avalanche. Perhaps the drizzle affected matters but this was a really wild ride and I was actually concerned that the car might fly off the track… not a possibility in reality, but that was the ferocity of it in its final moments. This was one of our favourites.
Then… one of the most anticipated rides of the trip… the Big One. Now we're talking!!! I have wanted to go on this since '94. We queued up for the front row, for this was a special event. It was such a wonderful joy, climbing that lift hill and seeing the park lit up. I was quite emotional at the sight. Of course, with a big climb like that comes a big fall… although unfortunately for us in more ways than one. By the time we had reached the turnaround near the park entrance, I was really quite desperate for the Big One to end. What a rattler. “R-r-r-r-r-r-r-r-r-r-r-r”, said the young woman behind me, mocking the roughness. We hit the break run with long faces and immediately expressed our mutual disappointment. What a let down… terrible, really. We decided we would give it another chance the following day.
With less than half an hour before park closing, we jumped on Steeple Chase, which had a very short queue. We have both wanted to get on this for years. It’s just looks so cute! Unfortunately, it was really quite jolty. “Ooof”, said Mrs. Nitefly, disapprovingly, many times. It was OK but, again, quite a disappointment, certainly so in the sense that we didn't feel compelled to ride it again. After this, we were well and truly rattled/jolted-out.
There was then just enough time to march over for a ride on the 'main event'…. Icon. At this point, I must say that the park was looking rather glorious:
We had a back row ride on one of the final trains of the evening. I’ve read a lot of middling reviews on Icon so I had quite low expectations, which were easily exceeded. It was smooth, forceful and really just a whole heap of fun. When the ride ended, I could barely believe that others had said it was sluggish. Sure, it wasn’t the most intense ride…. But sluggish? No way, not even at the end (although I had previously thought it looked quite slow from some POVs). In respect of airtime, I found there to be quite a bit throughout the layout. But the restraints did jank into my thighs a little bit (particularly off the top-hat, as you would expect). If airtime is going to throw you up like that, I definitely prefer to have restraints like Lech Coaster. Lech is super aggressive with the airtime, far more so than Icon, but it's soooo comfortable by comparison, as the pressure is taken off your legs by the body restraint. Nitpicking aside though, I was very impressed. Mrs. Nitefly and I exchanged our glowing thoughts and we looked forward to getting a second ride on Icon the following day, to then properly judge whether this was a Nemesis-beater or not.
We meandered out of the park slowly, taking in the sights. What a truly excellent evening. Well played BPB, well played *claps*
To find out where Icon sits in the rankings (and whether I finally won that Snorlax), you’ll have to stay tuned for part 2 of this blog, where Mrs. Nitefly and I have a full day at BPB, complete the coaster collection and experience many of the other offerings.
Thanks for reading.
Last edited:
