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Mickey De Gaul (France - May 2012)
- Thread starter Will
- Start date
Will
Strata Poster
ANYWAY…
Firstly, I’m going to agree and sympathise with Kim – 7AM this morning was really not a sight I wanted to see, and I was still very much in holiday mode – had to apologise to my favourite colleague (I’ve MISSED her this week, but I don’t think it’s mutual!!) at least once as I was still talking to her with my CFer head on. Oops. Either way, I’m looking forward to a decent night’s sleep tomorrow night!
Monday
So, readers, when you left my charmless story, I was recovering from a severe ice cream overdose in an Ibis hotel in Vallee d’Europe, so we’ll pick up there at 8AM on bank holiday Monday. Richard’s finally desisted making a mildly annoying mouth-closed snoring noise, and Mark’s insisted we meet a lot earlier than I’d like in the reception. Following on from this, most of us decided to walk to the park entrance to pick up our tickets. Happily, the train station had a shop where I could FINALLY grab some cheap fags and a severely needed coffee and croissant while we waited for the ticket gates to open – we’d been warned to expect an hour wait, but actually it was only a minute or so… except that Sue had been a burden and left her confirmation at the hotel – we ended up waiting anyway, but she was uncharacteristically efficient.
Fast-forwarding an hour or so where nothing that doesn’t include being tired, other people fanboy/girling or pleasingly clean toilets, and you find us inside the studio park, next to a giant and extremely smug looking Buzz Lightyear, with an unsettling habit of occasionally shouting in French. We tolerated his company entirely too long for my liking. However, there was method in our madness as our standing place meant we were in pole position when RC Racer, the first credit of the day eventually got involved, and thus we avoided what looked like a stressful queue, however nicely it may have been decorated; I DID enjoy the attention to detail in the Toy Story area. And yet more giant dinosaurs of JOY. As for RC Racer itself, I really enjoyed it for the few seconds it operated for, but whoever compared it to Rush at Thorpe was spot on – just as it was gaining some height and starting to become enjoyable, it STOPPED. I also didn’t much like Disney’s policy of taking bags on EVERYTHING, this was the first of many rides where it got in the way rather a lot!
After a bit of Toy Story based faff, during which time the Disney fantasy vs. harsh reality debates between Mark and… everyone else began to rage in earnest, we made our way to Crush’s coaster. It was closed, so this plan was shelved, and we opted for Tower of Terror. Now THIS was a ride I was not only excited for, but prepared to queue an annoying amount of time for – happily, we got the best of both worlds, as the queue was only long enough for one game of Top Trumps (over quite quickly, as I had a handful of Movie Park Germany cards!). As most of you know, I’d never been to Disney before, and done next to no research as it’s really not a park that’s interested me, and as a result, I had NO idea what to expect from Tower of Terror. The pre-show was interesting, if French, and continued to the theme of me having no idea what was going to happen, which was followed by the boiler room of WHY – this was undeniably atmospheric, but a far from pleasant queuing area. Happily, we weren’t here too long either, and then the ride happened – as one of the other first time riders, and somebody who likes to throw a fit where drop towers are involved, Sue took most of the attention here, while I got involved with a comfortable back seat. Not reassured by the ride op’s broken English, I took my seat and the suspense continued during the ascent and numerous floors that made very little sense to me. And then there was dropping. Then there was going up again. Then some more dropping. I. Loved. It. That’s not to say Neal isn’t absolutely spot on when he dismisses it as ‘a glorified berry bouncer’, but it WORKS, for reasons I still can’t entirely put my finger on – there’s airtime by the bucketload, which surely isn’t to be sniffed at in whatever form it’s offered, epic theming, a great atmosphere, and from what I could gather from 2 rides, a different experience every time. So, maybe not everybody was smiling as we left (or on the awful photo Marc bought!) but I was amongst those that was – and I was quite amused that Sue (who’d also loved it) joined me in the post-ride cigarette for nerve settling purposes!
Since it was just around the corner, Rock ‘n’ Rollercoaster was next on the agenda, but that was also broken – until we’d picked up fast track tickets, at which point it opened, and with a joyfully short queue. Alas, this short queue decided we wanted to listen to excessive amounts of Aerosmith. This was not the case; it being 2012 and all, I DID want to miss a thing. The assorted memorabilia in the queue line’s quite cool though, I wanted to steal their copy of The Wall! Inside the station itself, lurked a joyous ride attendant – I forget what exactly was so joyous about her, only that Neal and Rich were full of rare praise. Once again, I had next to no idea what to expect from this coaster – it was enough of a surprise to find it was unmistakeably a Vekoma, so imagine my horror when it decided it was going to LAUNCH! The surprises continued though – it was yet another company who’d beaten Intamin and managed to make enjoyable launches (we… won’t mention booster bikes) and the majority of the layout, even from near the back of the train, was pretty damn smooth. Although, there was the unfortunate business of what Neal accurately dubbed ‘the awkward corkscrew’, which interrupted an otherwise smooth layout, but again, I guess it gave it character. A second ride, since we remembered we had fastrack tickets (I LOVE Disney’s fastrack system – it makes SO much more sense, works SO much better, and aside from their obvious moneygrabbing nature, I don’t understand why other companies don’t follow suit!) followed much the same pattern, confirming that the coaster was indeed both smooth and fun, with the obvious exception of ‘the awkward corkscrew’!
After we’d reconvened and put ourselves back together, which took a surprising amount of time, Mark wanted to watch Cinemagique, and since I didn’t know what that was, and it sounded like an opportunity to sit down for 20 minutes or so without queuing, I wasn’t inclined to disagree – as long as I could sit with the cynics and not the fanboys; that meant Richard. The film confused me to begin with – it really wasn’t clear to English people WHY he’d been sucked into the film, but I guess momentary suspension of disbelief was called for – and from then on, it was pretty good – the scenes of opening and closing doors only to find various iconic film scenes the man really didn’t want to find himself as part of on the other side made me laugh a lot, but the inevitable tacked on romantic sub-plot and Disney death were severely unwanted. The first words I heard at the end were on the lines of ‘Well, THAT was entirely representative of real life…’ and to my surprise, it wasn’t my mouth (like I said, I’d liked it but for those obvious flaws) but Sue’s from which they’d come – I half expected her to steal another fag to take away the lingering taste of cheese, and much to my approval, her cynicism continued well into the queue line for the newly opened Crush’s coaster – it’s unusual when my ideals and Sue’s actually match, and she’s much better for it!
Cynical philosophy, word association and inappropriate physical contact brought us all the way to the front of the queue for Crush’s coaster – which I have to say, I don’t remember a huge amount about – aside from really annoying voiceovers in the queue line, and, as Neal had warned me, an unwanted shark getting involved at some stage. It was enjoyable and worth the wait, I know that much – but not on the scale of the outdoor spinners, nor at all comparable to either of the Winjas, but as a family attraction, I really can’t fault it – in fact, I hadn’t faulted any attraction yet, which was confusing me as much as it is you!
This didn’t continue though – I was once again starting to get hungry and lag a little bit, but Richard wanted to experience Armageddon, so I stuck with him and a few others when the group split up. This had a burdenous queue, but at least me and Sue got to sit on the floor for a bit – I’m ashamed to say I may have ‘thrown the face’ at a couple of French kids who walked on me, and proceeded to ignore me when I muttered at them in broken French and German, which was oddly satisfying. I wasn’t too keen on the attraction either – the preshow was tedious, overly long and, as Richard was quick to angrily point out, contained Bob Hoskins. The show itself was essentially a Michael Bay film – overcrowded and uneventful, with a few exciting explosions, so it was easy to understand why many people had been in no hurry to ride again – I certainly wasn’t!
From here on, I’m afraid to say, my day goes downhill rather a lot – that’s because we move over from Disney Studios (which I enjoyed moreorless every minute in over the two days) to the park proper, which was a hell of a lot more stressful. It didn’t help that our first task was to find food – I’m well aware that I’m an absolute pain in the neck to satisfy, and I’m also utterly hellish to contend with when I’m tired and hungry (although it’s been nearly 8 years guys, you should be used to me by now!), so I’ll accept responsibility for us abandoning the restaurant formerly known as Pizza Planet and ending up in a VILE fast food joint near the entrance, where we queued half an hour or so to pay around 15 Euros for the smallest portion of chicken nuggets and chips this side of… moreorless anywhere. Both required coronary inducing amounts of salt to make them bareable and neither satisfied my appetite in the slightest. As a mark of our intense disdain, Richard threw cardboard packaging around (attracting the most evil of evil looks from a dreadful woman on the table behind) before echoing Germany 2009 with his refusal to bin his tray. As I lingered, said woman decided it would be a good idea to shout instructions at me in French; it really wasn’t. Rach later pointed out that she herself had been eating a picnic. Stupid Cambridge…
Anyway, whilst that would go on to put a pretty severe taint on the day, I shall move on from it – we still had time to kill, and made our way over to Space Mountain, for which we’d picked up Fastrack tickets here. I’d lost mine, and everyone refused to wait for me, so I’m ashamed to say I DID have a little bit of a tantrum as I pulled my bag apart, and my mood didn’t improve when I found it was in my top pocket. Space bloody Mountain didn’t improve my mood either, aside from the tasteless cardigans of the unfortunate ride staff. Needless to say, Sue loved them, but then she also loved the coaster, which came as a HORRIBLE shock to me after the smoothness of Rock ‘n’ Roller – perhaps it was because Richard had dragged me to the back seat, but it beat the **** out of me, leaving me feeling every bit as broken as I had done after Goudirix the previous day – yes, the theming was probably bloody cool back in the day, and yes, there’s a lot to look at while you’re riding, but whilst you’re basically being bludgeoned to death, that’s VERY little consolation. Yeah, I wasn’t a fan – in fact, when we met the rest of the group and they ran around to join again, I basically refused – I needed to sit down, recover and have a bit of much-needed Will time, which ended up being very antisocial after a crying child (seriously, I’ve NEVER seen as many of those as there were in ‘The Happiest place on Earth’, though I must say, I sympathised) forced me into 10 minutes of slightly sulky iPod time in a smoking area it turned out I didn’t need to use.
Star Tours followed – I wasn’t keen on this idea since it wasn’t a credit, WAS a motion simulator (I was feeling delicate) AND had an indoor queue line. I tried to put on a happy face when Mark asked me nicely, but I fear I might have been unconvincing. On the positive side, the theming in the queue line was interesting after I finally got around to watching the original Star Wars films a year ago, and the lack of Jar Jar dreadful Binks was indeed a relief. As for the ride though, that did things that I sincerely wished it would not – the most offensive of which was robbing me of my bag which I forgot to hold onto, dragging it from the back to the front of the carriage, and then from the left to the right sides repeatedly. In an attempt at feeling less sick (and being glad I didn’t have the hangover of December 2008), I kept my eye shut. This was not a success.
Finally, dreadful Star Tours was over and I was pleased to be out in the fresh air, and back on a hunt for credits. Alas, Neal was being Neal, and he didn’t want credits – he wanted a burdenous boat ride. Happily, we talked him out of It’s A Small World (fear not, I did experience all 7 minutes the following day, and it wasn’t that bad, but that’s another story) and opted for… actually, I have no idea WHAT it was, other than the boat ride of WHY, because me and Rich sat at the back of the boat, studiously ignoring everything that was going on, comparing pedometer scores and wishing Mark would put his camera away so that we could splash him.
Casey Junior was up next, and the group again split so that those who already had the credit wouldn’t have to suffer the exasperating queue. The queue was not a fun one – for a change, it was ME that had had to be moved before I got into a fight, after I complained about a crying child a little too loudly in front of a braindead parent who unfortunately turned out to be Scouse, and thus understood a small amount of English; enough to call me a ‘sad ****’ and offer me ‘a slap’ anyway – I slowly and patiently explained the consequences of his threats, so I suspect my quick wit intimidated him more than his threats did me – either way, it was a surprise to meet with that kind of aggression anywhere but Thorpe Park, and Richard intervened before the man could regret his choice of victim. That aside, you know… I can’t remember anything about Casey Junior – I think there was a cage (not as upsetting as Swam’s though!) involved, and probably a circle. It was a +1 and that was what mattered – indeed, there were only 2 left, and I was starting to think I could be back at the hotel before midnight after all!
Alas, renewed credit spite occurred – Sue pointed out that since we’d got 2 days at the park, it was probably best to leave a cred or two for the Tuesday (having been on Indiana Jones now, I can see why nobody was in a hurry to ride – what I DON’T understand is how ANYONE ever rode it in its backwards days!) and go for a few more dark rides – we may have done something else at this point, but I was still feeling fussy, so I only remember Pirates of the Caribbean.
This, as I’ll be shot if I don’t say, showed just precisely how lamentable Drayton’s attempt at the ride truly is – but aside from Owain’s vain attempts to explain the storylines to me (I have no intention of watching any of the films more than once, and will flatly refuse any offers of 3 or 4), I don’t remember a huge amount else – but for the unexpected café, it may have been well themed, but had very little ‘WOW’ factor about it. In fact, clearly my favourite part of the ride was dragging Neal into the shop afterwards to try on Jack Sparrow hats and talk like pretentious **** (that’s the remake, not the original…) for a good few minutes – well, if I can’t be childish at Disney, where CAN I?
The group now walked towards Big Thunder Mountain to pick up Fasttracks for later in the evening, before splitting again, depending on whether or not we wanted to see the parade; in a sulk, I said that I’d rather eat poison, and Richard sided with me – to my surprise, so did Sue along with Owain and Kim, who were also thoroughly sick of crowds (I’m told this was a quiet day at the main park, so I think if I arrived on a busy one, I’d head straight home again – seriously, the crowds at Disney have put me off ever wanting to go to Florida – they just made an already stressful day unbearable in parts). Sadly for the other 4, I picked those moment to sugar crash harder than I had in months (a day this long in a stressful, unfamiliar park, combined with the AWFUL fast food of earlier was alas, not ending well for me), sending me into a state of self-loathing at the very worst time – indeed, stuck in a claustrophobic queue in the middle of Phantom Manor is really not the ideal place to want to hide in a corner rocking slowly backwards and forwards. Alas, this ride was completely wasted on me because I took my glasses off, so I’m told I missed a lot of broken effects – even Mark launched a scathing attack on the ride after we met up later.
Not really knowing whether I was coming or going, I was really **** uncooperative at this point, when Richard finally found us a restaurant at a reasonable price that we’d all be able to find something to eat at (because it was a BUFFET!) and an overdue thank you to Sue for talking sense into me at this point, especially as she had to suffer the loathsome parade music in order to do so, as well as Richard for taking care to avoid any future sugar crashes! That said, it clearly wasn’t THAT much sense, as I managed to not only lose my food ticket, but cover my chips in maple syrup – which was between the chips and the crepes, and not labelled, so I assumed it was vinegar. Like I said earlier, after leaving the Studio park, NOTHING went right for me – admittedly, little of that was the fault of either park or group, but I was not enjoying myself. I felt a **** of a lot better after a big tea and some crepes though, and Kim’s reaction to Sue and Rich eating snails (Richard liked his, I don’t think Sue was too keen) as well as Sue deciding it would be a good idea to throw an apple at a strange woman cheered me up quite a bit. As content as I was going to get anywhere other than the bed back at the hotel, it was time to make a move, as we were meeting the others back at Big Thunder Mountain.
Big Thunder Mountain had been given promising reviews, so this time I was at least intrigued… but then disappointed and a little bored by the first two thirds of the layout, after which unexpected mental brilliance happened, at least bringing me back into the station with a smile on my face – as Mark rightly said, it’s not a patch on Colorado Adventure at the equally superior Phantasialand, indeed, its obvious lift hill fetish makes it more of a rival to Port Aventura’s El Diablo. Also, Richard had decided it was a good idea to steal Neal’s hat. It wasn’t.
As I’ve mentioned, I was tired now, so joining Richard in helping Mark and Marc reserve a space for the long-awaited finale show (after which I could go to somewhere that DIDN’T bombard me with bright colours and enforced happy time!!) in front of the castle, and here we sat for well over an hour, watching the crowd grow as the sun set over Paris, whilst wondering where the bloody hell everyone else had got to. Other than the drop in temperature (which could have been a LOT worse) I enjoyed this part – a chance to have a relaxing chat and the inevitable games with BOTH packs of Top Trumps to pass the time as we awaited the show. Mark and Rach were getting excited, but I suspected they were the only ones. After a few teaser test fireworks, some bright lights and ‘Ladies and gentlemen, please be aware that Disney Dreams will be starting in 10 minutes’ in around 10 different languages, Disney Dreams did indeed get under way. Not gonna lie, I expected to hate it – this sort of sappy stuff really isn’t for me, and neither’s Disney, but me, Rich and other cynics beside were actually bloody impressed – I loved the projection effects, and WISHED the effort that went into the assorted transitions of the castle into other buildings to match the scene had been reflected more elsewhere around the park – I’d laughed scornfully at Mark when he told us not to cry, but I’d have to admit that for various complicated reasons, my glasses may have been misting up a little bit towards the end, but fireworks made me happy, and I reached the end with the grin that had been missing for the last few hours back on my face, having clapped enthusiastically at anything which impressed me – which was surprisingly often. To repeat myself, if it was ALL as good as that, I’d easily be converted to Disneyism – yeah, it was sappy in parts, but it was sappy in a visually stunning way that we agreed made it bareable, and thus the day finished on a high. Actually, it didn’t, because then grotty toilets (‘I’m BLOODY SICK of that word, can we not all just synchronise our bladders, or something?!’ – Mark) had to happen, and I managed to walk in sticky Nemesis monster like liquid on the way out of the park, but Disney Dreams had managed to salvage the day (although I AM cringing inwardly every time I type the title), so I’ll forgive the sins just this once.
In conclusion, the day had just been too long for me – in stages, and possibly on a quieter day, I think I’d have managed to get a lot more enjoyment out of the park, particularly in the group we were in (and my HELL was I glad there weren’t any more of us!) but I hope I’ve managed to find enough positives amongst the trivial moaning that that wasn’t too horrendous to read – if I get around to writing about Tuesday, it’ll probably be more positives, as that was a much more relaxed day, with lower expectations. For Monday though, it was time to head slowly back to the hotel – I’d basically DIED in bed (with a leaky water bottle (yes, it WAS a leaky water bottle) in, annoyingly) by the time Richard crashed in, moderately beered up and decided to talk about work, his blossoming romance with Sue, and other things designed to make me giggle childishly for a bit, but at least ending what had been a severely bipolar [bear; the new superhero we invented in the queue for POTC] day with a smile on my face – until he opted for yet another snoring strategy tonight; hissing like a deflating tyre, but once again, that’s another story, because I need to think about going to bed and such… Personally, I’m impressed I wrote this much...!
Firstly, I’m going to agree and sympathise with Kim – 7AM this morning was really not a sight I wanted to see, and I was still very much in holiday mode – had to apologise to my favourite colleague (I’ve MISSED her this week, but I don’t think it’s mutual!!) at least once as I was still talking to her with my CFer head on. Oops. Either way, I’m looking forward to a decent night’s sleep tomorrow night!
Cheers Mark – though to be honest, I was hoping somebody else would post their Disney report first in order to fill the gaps in my memory! Also, I get the feeling we’ll have rather different things to say on the subject!!Mark said:
Monday
So, readers, when you left my charmless story, I was recovering from a severe ice cream overdose in an Ibis hotel in Vallee d’Europe, so we’ll pick up there at 8AM on bank holiday Monday. Richard’s finally desisted making a mildly annoying mouth-closed snoring noise, and Mark’s insisted we meet a lot earlier than I’d like in the reception. Following on from this, most of us decided to walk to the park entrance to pick up our tickets. Happily, the train station had a shop where I could FINALLY grab some cheap fags and a severely needed coffee and croissant while we waited for the ticket gates to open – we’d been warned to expect an hour wait, but actually it was only a minute or so… except that Sue had been a burden and left her confirmation at the hotel – we ended up waiting anyway, but she was uncharacteristically efficient.
Fast-forwarding an hour or so where nothing that doesn’t include being tired, other people fanboy/girling or pleasingly clean toilets, and you find us inside the studio park, next to a giant and extremely smug looking Buzz Lightyear, with an unsettling habit of occasionally shouting in French. We tolerated his company entirely too long for my liking. However, there was method in our madness as our standing place meant we were in pole position when RC Racer, the first credit of the day eventually got involved, and thus we avoided what looked like a stressful queue, however nicely it may have been decorated; I DID enjoy the attention to detail in the Toy Story area. And yet more giant dinosaurs of JOY. As for RC Racer itself, I really enjoyed it for the few seconds it operated for, but whoever compared it to Rush at Thorpe was spot on – just as it was gaining some height and starting to become enjoyable, it STOPPED. I also didn’t much like Disney’s policy of taking bags on EVERYTHING, this was the first of many rides where it got in the way rather a lot!
After a bit of Toy Story based faff, during which time the Disney fantasy vs. harsh reality debates between Mark and… everyone else began to rage in earnest, we made our way to Crush’s coaster. It was closed, so this plan was shelved, and we opted for Tower of Terror. Now THIS was a ride I was not only excited for, but prepared to queue an annoying amount of time for – happily, we got the best of both worlds, as the queue was only long enough for one game of Top Trumps (over quite quickly, as I had a handful of Movie Park Germany cards!). As most of you know, I’d never been to Disney before, and done next to no research as it’s really not a park that’s interested me, and as a result, I had NO idea what to expect from Tower of Terror. The pre-show was interesting, if French, and continued to the theme of me having no idea what was going to happen, which was followed by the boiler room of WHY – this was undeniably atmospheric, but a far from pleasant queuing area. Happily, we weren’t here too long either, and then the ride happened – as one of the other first time riders, and somebody who likes to throw a fit where drop towers are involved, Sue took most of the attention here, while I got involved with a comfortable back seat. Not reassured by the ride op’s broken English, I took my seat and the suspense continued during the ascent and numerous floors that made very little sense to me. And then there was dropping. Then there was going up again. Then some more dropping. I. Loved. It. That’s not to say Neal isn’t absolutely spot on when he dismisses it as ‘a glorified berry bouncer’, but it WORKS, for reasons I still can’t entirely put my finger on – there’s airtime by the bucketload, which surely isn’t to be sniffed at in whatever form it’s offered, epic theming, a great atmosphere, and from what I could gather from 2 rides, a different experience every time. So, maybe not everybody was smiling as we left (or on the awful photo Marc bought!) but I was amongst those that was – and I was quite amused that Sue (who’d also loved it) joined me in the post-ride cigarette for nerve settling purposes!
Since it was just around the corner, Rock ‘n’ Rollercoaster was next on the agenda, but that was also broken – until we’d picked up fast track tickets, at which point it opened, and with a joyfully short queue. Alas, this short queue decided we wanted to listen to excessive amounts of Aerosmith. This was not the case; it being 2012 and all, I DID want to miss a thing. The assorted memorabilia in the queue line’s quite cool though, I wanted to steal their copy of The Wall! Inside the station itself, lurked a joyous ride attendant – I forget what exactly was so joyous about her, only that Neal and Rich were full of rare praise. Once again, I had next to no idea what to expect from this coaster – it was enough of a surprise to find it was unmistakeably a Vekoma, so imagine my horror when it decided it was going to LAUNCH! The surprises continued though – it was yet another company who’d beaten Intamin and managed to make enjoyable launches (we… won’t mention booster bikes) and the majority of the layout, even from near the back of the train, was pretty damn smooth. Although, there was the unfortunate business of what Neal accurately dubbed ‘the awkward corkscrew’, which interrupted an otherwise smooth layout, but again, I guess it gave it character. A second ride, since we remembered we had fastrack tickets (I LOVE Disney’s fastrack system – it makes SO much more sense, works SO much better, and aside from their obvious moneygrabbing nature, I don’t understand why other companies don’t follow suit!) followed much the same pattern, confirming that the coaster was indeed both smooth and fun, with the obvious exception of ‘the awkward corkscrew’!
After we’d reconvened and put ourselves back together, which took a surprising amount of time, Mark wanted to watch Cinemagique, and since I didn’t know what that was, and it sounded like an opportunity to sit down for 20 minutes or so without queuing, I wasn’t inclined to disagree – as long as I could sit with the cynics and not the fanboys; that meant Richard. The film confused me to begin with – it really wasn’t clear to English people WHY he’d been sucked into the film, but I guess momentary suspension of disbelief was called for – and from then on, it was pretty good – the scenes of opening and closing doors only to find various iconic film scenes the man really didn’t want to find himself as part of on the other side made me laugh a lot, but the inevitable tacked on romantic sub-plot and Disney death were severely unwanted. The first words I heard at the end were on the lines of ‘Well, THAT was entirely representative of real life…’ and to my surprise, it wasn’t my mouth (like I said, I’d liked it but for those obvious flaws) but Sue’s from which they’d come – I half expected her to steal another fag to take away the lingering taste of cheese, and much to my approval, her cynicism continued well into the queue line for the newly opened Crush’s coaster – it’s unusual when my ideals and Sue’s actually match, and she’s much better for it!
Cynical philosophy, word association and inappropriate physical contact brought us all the way to the front of the queue for Crush’s coaster – which I have to say, I don’t remember a huge amount about – aside from really annoying voiceovers in the queue line, and, as Neal had warned me, an unwanted shark getting involved at some stage. It was enjoyable and worth the wait, I know that much – but not on the scale of the outdoor spinners, nor at all comparable to either of the Winjas, but as a family attraction, I really can’t fault it – in fact, I hadn’t faulted any attraction yet, which was confusing me as much as it is you!
This didn’t continue though – I was once again starting to get hungry and lag a little bit, but Richard wanted to experience Armageddon, so I stuck with him and a few others when the group split up. This had a burdenous queue, but at least me and Sue got to sit on the floor for a bit – I’m ashamed to say I may have ‘thrown the face’ at a couple of French kids who walked on me, and proceeded to ignore me when I muttered at them in broken French and German, which was oddly satisfying. I wasn’t too keen on the attraction either – the preshow was tedious, overly long and, as Richard was quick to angrily point out, contained Bob Hoskins. The show itself was essentially a Michael Bay film – overcrowded and uneventful, with a few exciting explosions, so it was easy to understand why many people had been in no hurry to ride again – I certainly wasn’t!
From here on, I’m afraid to say, my day goes downhill rather a lot – that’s because we move over from Disney Studios (which I enjoyed moreorless every minute in over the two days) to the park proper, which was a hell of a lot more stressful. It didn’t help that our first task was to find food – I’m well aware that I’m an absolute pain in the neck to satisfy, and I’m also utterly hellish to contend with when I’m tired and hungry (although it’s been nearly 8 years guys, you should be used to me by now!), so I’ll accept responsibility for us abandoning the restaurant formerly known as Pizza Planet and ending up in a VILE fast food joint near the entrance, where we queued half an hour or so to pay around 15 Euros for the smallest portion of chicken nuggets and chips this side of… moreorless anywhere. Both required coronary inducing amounts of salt to make them bareable and neither satisfied my appetite in the slightest. As a mark of our intense disdain, Richard threw cardboard packaging around (attracting the most evil of evil looks from a dreadful woman on the table behind) before echoing Germany 2009 with his refusal to bin his tray. As I lingered, said woman decided it would be a good idea to shout instructions at me in French; it really wasn’t. Rach later pointed out that she herself had been eating a picnic. Stupid Cambridge…
Anyway, whilst that would go on to put a pretty severe taint on the day, I shall move on from it – we still had time to kill, and made our way over to Space Mountain, for which we’d picked up Fastrack tickets here. I’d lost mine, and everyone refused to wait for me, so I’m ashamed to say I DID have a little bit of a tantrum as I pulled my bag apart, and my mood didn’t improve when I found it was in my top pocket. Space bloody Mountain didn’t improve my mood either, aside from the tasteless cardigans of the unfortunate ride staff. Needless to say, Sue loved them, but then she also loved the coaster, which came as a HORRIBLE shock to me after the smoothness of Rock ‘n’ Roller – perhaps it was because Richard had dragged me to the back seat, but it beat the **** out of me, leaving me feeling every bit as broken as I had done after Goudirix the previous day – yes, the theming was probably bloody cool back in the day, and yes, there’s a lot to look at while you’re riding, but whilst you’re basically being bludgeoned to death, that’s VERY little consolation. Yeah, I wasn’t a fan – in fact, when we met the rest of the group and they ran around to join again, I basically refused – I needed to sit down, recover and have a bit of much-needed Will time, which ended up being very antisocial after a crying child (seriously, I’ve NEVER seen as many of those as there were in ‘The Happiest place on Earth’, though I must say, I sympathised) forced me into 10 minutes of slightly sulky iPod time in a smoking area it turned out I didn’t need to use.
Star Tours followed – I wasn’t keen on this idea since it wasn’t a credit, WAS a motion simulator (I was feeling delicate) AND had an indoor queue line. I tried to put on a happy face when Mark asked me nicely, but I fear I might have been unconvincing. On the positive side, the theming in the queue line was interesting after I finally got around to watching the original Star Wars films a year ago, and the lack of Jar Jar dreadful Binks was indeed a relief. As for the ride though, that did things that I sincerely wished it would not – the most offensive of which was robbing me of my bag which I forgot to hold onto, dragging it from the back to the front of the carriage, and then from the left to the right sides repeatedly. In an attempt at feeling less sick (and being glad I didn’t have the hangover of December 2008), I kept my eye shut. This was not a success.
Finally, dreadful Star Tours was over and I was pleased to be out in the fresh air, and back on a hunt for credits. Alas, Neal was being Neal, and he didn’t want credits – he wanted a burdenous boat ride. Happily, we talked him out of It’s A Small World (fear not, I did experience all 7 minutes the following day, and it wasn’t that bad, but that’s another story) and opted for… actually, I have no idea WHAT it was, other than the boat ride of WHY, because me and Rich sat at the back of the boat, studiously ignoring everything that was going on, comparing pedometer scores and wishing Mark would put his camera away so that we could splash him.
Casey Junior was up next, and the group again split so that those who already had the credit wouldn’t have to suffer the exasperating queue. The queue was not a fun one – for a change, it was ME that had had to be moved before I got into a fight, after I complained about a crying child a little too loudly in front of a braindead parent who unfortunately turned out to be Scouse, and thus understood a small amount of English; enough to call me a ‘sad ****’ and offer me ‘a slap’ anyway – I slowly and patiently explained the consequences of his threats, so I suspect my quick wit intimidated him more than his threats did me – either way, it was a surprise to meet with that kind of aggression anywhere but Thorpe Park, and Richard intervened before the man could regret his choice of victim. That aside, you know… I can’t remember anything about Casey Junior – I think there was a cage (not as upsetting as Swam’s though!) involved, and probably a circle. It was a +1 and that was what mattered – indeed, there were only 2 left, and I was starting to think I could be back at the hotel before midnight after all!
Alas, renewed credit spite occurred – Sue pointed out that since we’d got 2 days at the park, it was probably best to leave a cred or two for the Tuesday (having been on Indiana Jones now, I can see why nobody was in a hurry to ride – what I DON’T understand is how ANYONE ever rode it in its backwards days!) and go for a few more dark rides – we may have done something else at this point, but I was still feeling fussy, so I only remember Pirates of the Caribbean.
This, as I’ll be shot if I don’t say, showed just precisely how lamentable Drayton’s attempt at the ride truly is – but aside from Owain’s vain attempts to explain the storylines to me (I have no intention of watching any of the films more than once, and will flatly refuse any offers of 3 or 4), I don’t remember a huge amount else – but for the unexpected café, it may have been well themed, but had very little ‘WOW’ factor about it. In fact, clearly my favourite part of the ride was dragging Neal into the shop afterwards to try on Jack Sparrow hats and talk like pretentious **** (that’s the remake, not the original…) for a good few minutes – well, if I can’t be childish at Disney, where CAN I?
The group now walked towards Big Thunder Mountain to pick up Fasttracks for later in the evening, before splitting again, depending on whether or not we wanted to see the parade; in a sulk, I said that I’d rather eat poison, and Richard sided with me – to my surprise, so did Sue along with Owain and Kim, who were also thoroughly sick of crowds (I’m told this was a quiet day at the main park, so I think if I arrived on a busy one, I’d head straight home again – seriously, the crowds at Disney have put me off ever wanting to go to Florida – they just made an already stressful day unbearable in parts). Sadly for the other 4, I picked those moment to sugar crash harder than I had in months (a day this long in a stressful, unfamiliar park, combined with the AWFUL fast food of earlier was alas, not ending well for me), sending me into a state of self-loathing at the very worst time – indeed, stuck in a claustrophobic queue in the middle of Phantom Manor is really not the ideal place to want to hide in a corner rocking slowly backwards and forwards. Alas, this ride was completely wasted on me because I took my glasses off, so I’m told I missed a lot of broken effects – even Mark launched a scathing attack on the ride after we met up later.
Not really knowing whether I was coming or going, I was really **** uncooperative at this point, when Richard finally found us a restaurant at a reasonable price that we’d all be able to find something to eat at (because it was a BUFFET!) and an overdue thank you to Sue for talking sense into me at this point, especially as she had to suffer the loathsome parade music in order to do so, as well as Richard for taking care to avoid any future sugar crashes! That said, it clearly wasn’t THAT much sense, as I managed to not only lose my food ticket, but cover my chips in maple syrup – which was between the chips and the crepes, and not labelled, so I assumed it was vinegar. Like I said earlier, after leaving the Studio park, NOTHING went right for me – admittedly, little of that was the fault of either park or group, but I was not enjoying myself. I felt a **** of a lot better after a big tea and some crepes though, and Kim’s reaction to Sue and Rich eating snails (Richard liked his, I don’t think Sue was too keen) as well as Sue deciding it would be a good idea to throw an apple at a strange woman cheered me up quite a bit. As content as I was going to get anywhere other than the bed back at the hotel, it was time to make a move, as we were meeting the others back at Big Thunder Mountain.
Big Thunder Mountain had been given promising reviews, so this time I was at least intrigued… but then disappointed and a little bored by the first two thirds of the layout, after which unexpected mental brilliance happened, at least bringing me back into the station with a smile on my face – as Mark rightly said, it’s not a patch on Colorado Adventure at the equally superior Phantasialand, indeed, its obvious lift hill fetish makes it more of a rival to Port Aventura’s El Diablo. Also, Richard had decided it was a good idea to steal Neal’s hat. It wasn’t.
As I’ve mentioned, I was tired now, so joining Richard in helping Mark and Marc reserve a space for the long-awaited finale show (after which I could go to somewhere that DIDN’T bombard me with bright colours and enforced happy time!!) in front of the castle, and here we sat for well over an hour, watching the crowd grow as the sun set over Paris, whilst wondering where the bloody hell everyone else had got to. Other than the drop in temperature (which could have been a LOT worse) I enjoyed this part – a chance to have a relaxing chat and the inevitable games with BOTH packs of Top Trumps to pass the time as we awaited the show. Mark and Rach were getting excited, but I suspected they were the only ones. After a few teaser test fireworks, some bright lights and ‘Ladies and gentlemen, please be aware that Disney Dreams will be starting in 10 minutes’ in around 10 different languages, Disney Dreams did indeed get under way. Not gonna lie, I expected to hate it – this sort of sappy stuff really isn’t for me, and neither’s Disney, but me, Rich and other cynics beside were actually bloody impressed – I loved the projection effects, and WISHED the effort that went into the assorted transitions of the castle into other buildings to match the scene had been reflected more elsewhere around the park – I’d laughed scornfully at Mark when he told us not to cry, but I’d have to admit that for various complicated reasons, my glasses may have been misting up a little bit towards the end, but fireworks made me happy, and I reached the end with the grin that had been missing for the last few hours back on my face, having clapped enthusiastically at anything which impressed me – which was surprisingly often. To repeat myself, if it was ALL as good as that, I’d easily be converted to Disneyism – yeah, it was sappy in parts, but it was sappy in a visually stunning way that we agreed made it bareable, and thus the day finished on a high. Actually, it didn’t, because then grotty toilets (‘I’m BLOODY SICK of that word, can we not all just synchronise our bladders, or something?!’ – Mark) had to happen, and I managed to walk in sticky Nemesis monster like liquid on the way out of the park, but Disney Dreams had managed to salvage the day (although I AM cringing inwardly every time I type the title), so I’ll forgive the sins just this once.
In conclusion, the day had just been too long for me – in stages, and possibly on a quieter day, I think I’d have managed to get a lot more enjoyment out of the park, particularly in the group we were in (and my HELL was I glad there weren’t any more of us!) but I hope I’ve managed to find enough positives amongst the trivial moaning that that wasn’t too horrendous to read – if I get around to writing about Tuesday, it’ll probably be more positives, as that was a much more relaxed day, with lower expectations. For Monday though, it was time to head slowly back to the hotel – I’d basically DIED in bed (with a leaky water bottle (yes, it WAS a leaky water bottle) in, annoyingly) by the time Richard crashed in, moderately beered up and decided to talk about work, his blossoming romance with Sue, and other things designed to make me giggle childishly for a bit, but at least ending what had been a severely bipolar [bear; the new superhero we invented in the queue for POTC] day with a smile on my face – until he opted for yet another snoring strategy tonight; hissing like a deflating tyre, but once again, that’s another story, because I need to think about going to bed and such… Personally, I’m impressed I wrote this much...!
caffeine_demon
Strata Poster
Ben said:
Ya know - I thought I was going to say similar when I went to paris a few years ago - But I actually thought their TOT had a bit more "punch" than the orlando version - and was pleasantly surprised with most of the rest of the park too!
Mark
Strata Poster
Erm, Will, actually, it wasn't just me that 'insisted' we meet so early. I actually wanted to meet at 8.30 and Richard said it would be better to meet earlier. Of course, this decision was all made on the basis that we thought it was going to take an 60 to 90 minutes to sort out tickets because of queues...
And also... 'Mark wanted to watch Cinemaqiue'... Erm... not exactly. I asked if anyonee else wanted to see it!! I made a point of saying that although I liked it, it wouldnt be everyones cup of tea and therefore wasnt fussed either way! The only reason we did it was because Neal pointed out there was a show starting within minutes...
And also... 'Mark wanted to watch Cinemaqiue'... Erm... not exactly. I asked if anyonee else wanted to see it!! I made a point of saying that although I liked it, it wouldnt be everyones cup of tea and therefore wasnt fussed either way! The only reason we did it was because Neal pointed out there was a show starting within minutes...
nadroJ
CF Legend
Cinemagique is so good, I love it and it's a really nice way to sit down for 20 minutes =].
It's good to read a Disney report from someone who is quite cynical towards the whole thing, I guess it gives a less biased view of stuff?
And I'm really jealous that you guys got to go on the storyboat ride thing, it was closed when I went at Easter =[.
It's good to read a Disney report from someone who is quite cynical towards the whole thing, I guess it gives a less biased view of stuff?
And I'm really jealous that you guys got to go on the storyboat ride thing, it was closed when I went at Easter =[.
Tbh if you go to Disney for the creds then your never going to get the best out of it which is why we suggested doing other things the park has to offer. Such as the dark rides and the shows.
You either love it or hate it though.
Yes the food, toilets and broken rides and broken theming was bloody anoying and tbh I was a bit let down myself in the state of basic fundimentals that's meant to make Disney parks better than the rest.
I did just burst out laughing at your maple chips incident.
You either love it or hate it though.
Yes the food, toilets and broken rides and broken theming was bloody anoying and tbh I was a bit let down myself in the state of basic fundimentals that's meant to make Disney parks better than the rest.
I did just burst out laughing at your maple chips incident.
Will
Strata Poster
^
So did I, but it took a while; all would have been well if it had gone on the pork and not the chips!
And GAH, I'm beginning to remember why I used to open all my trip reports with a disclaimer - yeah, I'm human and not even my memory's infallible these days, so I will make the odd mistake. Basically Mark, I was just trying to emphasise how much more enthusiasm you had going into those days compared with myself and a few other members, not make it sound like you spend the days barking orders at us, which was of course not the case. I'd have liked some extra recovery time in bed was all, but like that was going to happen with Rich around And as for Cinemagique, you're quite right, it was Neal's fault and again, I didn't hate it, but was quite prepared to see faults as and when they occured.
I didn't love or hate Disney - but it'll be a LONG time before I go back, there's just so much better in terms of theming, atmosphere, rides, the works elsewhere in Germany, Holland etc...
On a vaguely related note, is one of you lot trying to PM me? I've had a couple of 'new message alerts' in the last 24 hours but gone to the inbox to find it empty? The mystery involved suggests that all signs point to Sue...
So did I, but it took a while; all would have been well if it had gone on the pork and not the chips!
And GAH, I'm beginning to remember why I used to open all my trip reports with a disclaimer - yeah, I'm human and not even my memory's infallible these days, so I will make the odd mistake. Basically Mark, I was just trying to emphasise how much more enthusiasm you had going into those days compared with myself and a few other members, not make it sound like you spend the days barking orders at us, which was of course not the case. I'd have liked some extra recovery time in bed was all, but like that was going to happen with Rich around
And as for Cinemagique, you're quite right, it was Neal's fault and again, I didn't hate it, but was quite prepared to see faults as and when they occured.I didn't love or hate Disney - but it'll be a LONG time before I go back, there's just so much better in terms of theming, atmosphere, rides, the works elsewhere in Germany, Holland etc...
On a vaguely related note, is one of you lot trying to PM me? I've had a couple of 'new message alerts' in the last 24 hours but gone to the inbox to find it empty? The mystery involved suggests that all signs point to Sue...
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Mark
Strata Poster
See, for me, it isn't the theming that lets the place down so much (apart from the broken theming/effects within attractions). Like I have said before, DLP is actually one of the prettiest of the parks. What lets the resort down is the atmosphere aspect. The staff always seem really non-enthusiastic for the most part and I think another problem is the heavily multi-nationality nature of it. I noted sooo many times how nobody even bothered with the words 'excuse me' across our time there. I was pushed and shoved out of the way on many an occasion (much like the rest of the group) without so much as a 'desole'. Is it the case that people are at least subconsicously aware of the diverse range of languages being used and so they just don't bother to try with 'excuse me' or so on because, well, 'they probably wouldnt understand me anyways'. It is that, or just the many of the european cultures that are unbelievably rude? (By British standards of course, for their culture it may very well be the norm)
I certainly did go into DLP with utmost enthusiasm and excitement as you mentioned Will. I always go into DLP with that same giddy bouncy excitement... yet every single time I visit I come away feeling that taint of dissapointment. Something that doesn't happen in the American counterparts. It is not like I go there with the intention of ripping the park to shreds (as some people seem to think I do). I truly want the place to excel as a Disney experience. I am a self confessed Disney Parks fanboy and if I wasn't self confessed I am pretty sure others could tell of my passion and enthusiasm for the place. Without a doubt I want it to be brilliant and for there to be no wrong, however, I won't just ignore the faults and pretend they don't exist, just because I am fan.
As I was saying to Marc on the way home, across the two days at Disney there were moments that it felt just like any other theme park. That feeling wasn't there all the time, but it did rear its head a few times. Put it this way, the amount of broken effects and so on within the rides instantly made me think of a very 'Merlin' approach to the parks. :-( Thankfully, these moments are normally offset with something that is utterly brilliant, such as the Dreams show <3 <3 <3 but like it I say, it doesn't mean I can just excuse the faults because some of it is brilliant.
As ever, I have still returned from DLP with a mixed bag of feelings :-/
I certainly did go into DLP with utmost enthusiasm and excitement as you mentioned Will. I always go into DLP with that same giddy bouncy excitement... yet every single time I visit I come away feeling that taint of dissapointment. Something that doesn't happen in the American counterparts. It is not like I go there with the intention of ripping the park to shreds (as some people seem to think I do). I truly want the place to excel as a Disney experience. I am a self confessed Disney Parks fanboy and if I wasn't self confessed I am pretty sure others could tell of my passion and enthusiasm for the place. Without a doubt I want it to be brilliant and for there to be no wrong, however, I won't just ignore the faults and pretend they don't exist, just because I am fan.
As I was saying to Marc on the way home, across the two days at Disney there were moments that it felt just like any other theme park. That feeling wasn't there all the time, but it did rear its head a few times. Put it this way, the amount of broken effects and so on within the rides instantly made me think of a very 'Merlin' approach to the parks. :-( Thankfully, these moments are normally offset with something that is utterly brilliant, such as the Dreams show <3 <3 <3 but like it I say, it doesn't mean I can just excuse the faults because some of it is brilliant.
As ever, I have still returned from DLP with a mixed bag of feelings :-/
Will
Strata Poster
And so, we reach the final chapter of the trip, and if you thought my memory was letting me down before, with a week gone by since the start of the trip now, it's now particularly hazy from a trip that as I've mentioned before perhaps didn't have as many stand out memorable moments of brilliance as its 2009/10/11 counterparts. Howsoever, whilst there might even be entire attractions missing here and there, and I'll probably call people the wrong names (not like I've known you for a third of my life or anything!!), let's see what I can remember...
Tuesday
Again, the day started earlier than I'd have liked, and this time it definitely WAS Richard to blame, though his groan was perhaps inevitably louder than mine as he flailed his limbs pathetically in search of the elusive snooze button. A quick shower and some packing later, we all convened in the lobby, where there was a definite combination of 'end of holiday gloom' and tiredness in the air, and the walk to the park was a noticeably subdued one. We didn't reach the resort quite as early as the previous day, but had a comfortable amount of time to avail ourselves of relatively cheap caffeine and other stimulants from the glorious shop of the entrance, whilst I pondered the fact that, whilst they're perhaps the rudest natives this side of Spain, the French remain a bloody good looking race
For reasons I forget, getting into the park turned out to be a bit of a palaver, perhaps because this time it was the main park and not the Studios we were held outside. Mark had diplomatically suggested we kicked off today with the dark rides which had been neglected the day before and were likely to be relatively quiet early on, so we followed him (via the Dragon’s lair, which I’d have to admit to being VERY impressed by) to pick up Fasttrack tickets for Peter Pan, before joining a relatively short queue for Pinnochio, which rather embarrassingly, I find I don’t know how to spell. Aside from getting Sonata Arctica’s brilliant ‘The Boy who Wanted To Be A Real Puppet’ stuck in my head and then spending ages trying to shift it, my memories are hazy, though I remember the ride not making a huge amount of sense, and probably trying to bother us with moral messages – as for its actual substance, I’m afraid to say that aside from the fact that the props were obviously Disney based, there really wasn’t a lot to set it aside from a dark ride at Blackpool, for example.
Peter Pan was next, and looking at the queue line, I was very glad we had the Fastracks, as it looked undesirable to say the least. I remember the ride showing early promise, the combination of the unusual suspended cars with the flight over London was used to great effect, but the illusion of flight wasn’t continued, and the ride was rounded off with an incoherent sequence of random scenes – perhaps I’m being overly cynical (I’m good at that, hence riding in the cynic car with Rich, Sue and co.) or overly demanding, but I just expect more from a name like Disney – now that I’ve seen what they’re capable of I want that extra mile, extra magic dareIsayit from EVERY attraction, and for the most part, it was lacked.
And it wasn’t about to get any better as we rounded off the dark train rides with Snow White’s Scary Adventure, which I’d have to say, was at least accurately named – but here again, I find a main criticism. I spotted an obvious pattern with each of the three dark rides, but nowhere was it more glaringly annoying than with Snow White –the ride began with a generic sequence of dark, sinister scenes that basically screamed ‘bad things, terrible things, things beyond your mortal understanding’. This was then abruptly followed by an ill-fitting, Walt-approved, family friendly and frankly unnecessary happy ending for which there was no explanation or logical transition, as the curse of the romantic subplot once again reared its oh-so-ugly head. Why, just why? Essentially, for the most part this ride impressed me – who (but those who’ve queued for Vampire alone in late October) knew that trees could be quite so sinister – but the finale left me with a genuinely sickly aftertaste.
And just when you thought it was safe to go back into Disneyland, Neal reminded me there was still one more dark ride to be conquered, and that taste in my mouth wouldn’t be going anywhere any time soon. I can blast Maiden as I type all I like, but there’s no escaping the fact that as soon as I type the phrase ‘It’s a Small World’, I WILL have the theme song in my head, and yet that’s half the bizarre charm of the attraction, sure it’s annoying as hell (but hey, aren’t all the best people?) but that’s what makes it memorable. In the queue line, it was genuinely refreshing to have a conversation consisting almost entirely of Simpsons quotes (many of them at the expense of EuroDisney) for what felt like the first time in ages, and whilst the duration of the ride itself was hefty enough to leave even the dreaded EuroMir firmly in the shade, there was at least a grim smile on my face throughout. It was apparent from this that I was in a better mood than the previous day, and while I’d still agree that spending an entire day aboard would be classed as a cruel and unusual punishment, I’ve had a soft spot for ‘around the world’ type rides ever since my first trip to Alton Towers in ’92 (Around the World in 80 Days sadly made way for Toyland Tours two years later) which, in a perverse way, this satisfied. Perhaps it was just relief that the experience wasn’t as harrowing as I expected, but I can’t bring myself to slate It’s A Small World. That irritates me, so we’ll move on.
Richard had bought liquorice in the shop earlier, and supplied me with some in order to delay any potential sugar crashes (unlikely – the last rides had more combined sickly sweetness than my daily coffee intake) improving the day still further. At this point, we bid a temporary farewell to Mark & Marc as the group split, and the rest of us got lost in a maze. The maze was rather silly, and Sue was lost in it for longer than the rest of us, so Neal and myself occupied an ice cream cart which was abandoned nearby and made an oddly comfortable seat – until Richard decided to push it!! En route to Indiana Jones however, I’d learn the hard way NOT to occupy bench space between Richard and Sue as the increasingly obvious sexual chemistry between the pair over-spilled once again leading to an impromptu wrestling match and bad news for anyone else on the bench. You can’t take them anywhere…
Places where I have no intention of being taken again any time soon include: the queue for Indiana Jones and the Temple of WHY, or indeed the ride itself – the queue was long, but arrival in the station as we grew closer to our holy grail – the final credit of the trip. I’ve just spent a minute or two trying to come up with a ‘Why did it have to be snakes!?’ pun, but I’m sad to say I’ve failed. The true scale of the problem only became obvious to me as we climbed the lift hill ‘WAIT, this is just a Pinfari in Intamin’s clothing,’ I screamed, with alarm as we drew perilously close to a vertical loop perhaps more punishing than anything I’d encountered on even Sunday. Basically, it was rough as hell, not enjoyable in the slightest, and I genuinely don’t envy anyone who had to experience it IN REVERSE in pursuit of a +1 back in the day.
Once more needing some time to recover, it was now decreed to be lunch time, and we wandered back towards the entrance in search of something to eat; the others found sandwiches, but whilst I wanted a sandwich, none of them looked Will friendly, so me and Kim opted for a repeat performance of the fast food of WHY. Like the rest of Disney, it didn’t seem nearly as bad now our expectations had been suitably lowered – I can’t quite escape the impression that Disney make their ‘cheaper’ food quite so **** in the hope that people take the 30EUR+ options each time, but even if my waistline could support that kind of lifestyle, a CAO Associate’s pocket certainly can’t!! Anyway, despite the drizzle which decided to get involved at this point, this was a more peaceful lunchtime (maybe because we’d lost Neal and Sue who wanted Mexican, ‘cos they’re silly) which provided opportunities to wind Richard up, as well as providing ice cream and leftover chocolate torte when Sue made her return.
Life continued to be good, and it got better as we decided to go back to the Studios Park for the remaining few hours to revisit our favourite attractions, and there was never going to be any argument from anyone about where to start. If anything, Tower of Terror was even better than the day before – the advantage of the ‘glorified berry bouncer’ style of operation is that it’s nearly always going to be provided a different experience, and this one truly packed a punch and once again, I loved it. The queue was also good fun for everyone except Sue who experienced severe bothering and dishevelment at the unlikely hands of Neal… and perhaps the people behind us who had no bloody clue what travesty was unfolding ahead of them!
The park’s second best ride (as far as I’m concerned) was next up, as we’d picked up fasttrack tickets for Rock ‘n’ Rollercoaster earlier. Now, I don’t like Aerosmith (not even after the journey back from Dover) and I’m in complete agreement with Sue that the theming idea alone reeks of stale cheddar, but this time around it worked – I was sat with Neal towards the front of the train, accentuating the ride’s smoothness (with the obvious exception) as well as occupying a rare spot where the speakers were working to perfection, and this time, the ride wasn’t just unexpectedly enjoyable but genuinely brilliant.
But epic as my best Rock ‘n’ Roller experience had clearly been, the standout memory was still to come. During the queue, me and Sue had childishly passed the time by drooling over some small, dark character with far too much eyeshadow a little ahead of us in the queue, but only now did we notice her companion. To cut a long story short, I’ll just say that some people around here aren’t nearly as unique as they like to think they are; Richard’s attempt at subtlety was even more hilarious; losing track of his overly sized feet, he ended up walking straight into her as she stood phographing the on-ride photo screens with her phone (even the resulting withering stare was basically a shot-for-shot remake), before nearly running a mile in alarm. He was convinced, but now I’m convinced that I’ve milked far too much mileage from this particular non-story.
The group shrank still further at this point – Sue, Kim and Owain couldn’t get enough Tower of Terror, whilst I headed for the Studio Tour trams with Richard, Rach and Neal. These had a frustrating queue, and the experience itself was a variable one, the obvious saving grace of which was the genius of Jeremy Irons who provided the voiceover. The ride featured a considerable expanse of dead space, but this was interrupted by two brilliantly orchestrated disaster segments, the Central London one most memorable for an apparently indestructible Volvo sitting, unscratched amidst the carnage of what seemed to be London after a dragon attack, much to the delight of at least two of my companions! In short, you really can’t go wrong with explosions, but of course, the other three with me had experienced bigger and better elsewhere in Europe…
Alas, we had to make our way back to the main park for the final time now, as we were meeting Mark and Marc soon to ride some train or other. Upon meeting, we perhaps predictably lost Sue to the toilets (after an unexpected rant on the many flaws of gender segregation in public toilets with which I was obviously in agreement!) and decided to play the game of ‘pretending to be in the middle of a blazing row’ when she returned. It didn’t really work out, me and Rich both forgot our lines meaning we started giggling and throwing seeds at each other very quickly, before he eventually called me Francis and walked off.
I’m not entirely sure what the train ride with which we rounded off the day was, or what it was in aid of – only that both it and its queue went on for a very long time, and that throughout both ride and queue, the time-killing activities were moreorless a rehash of everything that had gone before, and predominantly at the expense of Sue. There was boredom, scurrilous rumours and impromptu foot massages, as well as a train that providing some stalling action Mr. Stone would have been proud of, each time it tried and failed to leave a station with carriages more overladen than… [insert inappropriate remark involving immigrants here]. It was at least a relaxing, for the most part, way to end a trip that had mostly been anything BUT relaxing, but it was also quite a tedious one – I wasn’t sad to finally see Main Street station again what felt like a VERY long time later.
And because of the excessive duration of the train ride, we ourselves were now strapped for time, and would have to catch ANOTHER train (happily a VERY short one) back to the hotel to begin the trek back to England, but first, it was time to say goodbye to Rach (in retrospect, perhaps 20% was too optimistic a loudness quotient for her back on the Sunday!) and try to empty our wallets of as much shrapnel as possible – I picked up an Eiffel tower keyring for the scary girl at work who’d demanded one after I told her I wouldn’t be able to bring back any cheap fags, and I’m pleased to report she was grudgingly nice to me for the rest of the week!!
Meanwhile, back at the hotel, I decided to ruin everyone’s lives by deliberately using the female toilet from a standing position, before we got in the car. I don’t really know why I’m reporting this part of the story; suffice to say the ferry crossing that followed was far and away the best I’ve ever enjoyed – we managed to catch an earlier one, and it seems Tuesday evenings are a dead time as it was basically us and a handful of lonely truckers – no faff to get on (aside from DREADFUL man), no queues for anything, no screaming kids and to cap it all, the sea was like a mill pond – if only it could have taken us all the way to Chislehurst.
After we got off the ferry of unexpected JOY (and FINALLY some British food and an epic coffee) and said what felt like the latest in a long line of sad goodbyes, the most pressing concern was keeping me, Richard, Sue, Owain and Kim awake from Dover to Chislehurst, but Richard rose to the occasion admirably with a selection of **** awful music (everything from Maroon 5 to Does It Offend You, Yeah, via Bryan Adams and Electric Six) for us to sing to at top volume, perhaps unexpectedly providing the longest, loudest laughing fit of the entire trip right at the death – mission accomplished, well done that man (and I don’t care how busy you are, you’d better have read all this!!) – since this is basically the end, aside from the fact that I’ve got You’re So Vain in my head now, as usual, a massive thank you for all the driving (aside from the ugly iPod incident) and organisation that meant once again, the most stress this trip caused me was actually having to be there! And thanks to everyone who was there and made it what it was as well, because this is pretty much the time for me to sign off…
As I said, maybe it wasn’t one of the all time greats in terms of CF’s foreign exploits, but it was not without its charm – I’ve enjoyed revisiting the whole thing in these reports quite a lot, and I hope you have too, if anything, this has reminded me that I’m actually not a bad writer, if I do say so myself!
...and in true Disney dark ride style, we all lived happily ever after.
Tuesday
Again, the day started earlier than I'd have liked, and this time it definitely WAS Richard to blame, though his groan was perhaps inevitably louder than mine as he flailed his limbs pathetically in search of the elusive snooze button. A quick shower and some packing later, we all convened in the lobby, where there was a definite combination of 'end of holiday gloom' and tiredness in the air, and the walk to the park was a noticeably subdued one. We didn't reach the resort quite as early as the previous day, but had a comfortable amount of time to avail ourselves of relatively cheap caffeine and other stimulants from the glorious shop of the entrance, whilst I pondered the fact that, whilst they're perhaps the rudest natives this side of Spain, the French remain a bloody good looking race
For reasons I forget, getting into the park turned out to be a bit of a palaver, perhaps because this time it was the main park and not the Studios we were held outside. Mark had diplomatically suggested we kicked off today with the dark rides which had been neglected the day before and were likely to be relatively quiet early on, so we followed him (via the Dragon’s lair, which I’d have to admit to being VERY impressed by) to pick up Fasttrack tickets for Peter Pan, before joining a relatively short queue for Pinnochio, which rather embarrassingly, I find I don’t know how to spell. Aside from getting Sonata Arctica’s brilliant ‘The Boy who Wanted To Be A Real Puppet’ stuck in my head and then spending ages trying to shift it, my memories are hazy, though I remember the ride not making a huge amount of sense, and probably trying to bother us with moral messages – as for its actual substance, I’m afraid to say that aside from the fact that the props were obviously Disney based, there really wasn’t a lot to set it aside from a dark ride at Blackpool, for example.
Peter Pan was next, and looking at the queue line, I was very glad we had the Fastracks, as it looked undesirable to say the least. I remember the ride showing early promise, the combination of the unusual suspended cars with the flight over London was used to great effect, but the illusion of flight wasn’t continued, and the ride was rounded off with an incoherent sequence of random scenes – perhaps I’m being overly cynical (I’m good at that, hence riding in the cynic car with Rich, Sue and co.) or overly demanding, but I just expect more from a name like Disney – now that I’ve seen what they’re capable of I want that extra mile, extra magic dareIsayit from EVERY attraction, and for the most part, it was lacked.
And it wasn’t about to get any better as we rounded off the dark train rides with Snow White’s Scary Adventure, which I’d have to say, was at least accurately named – but here again, I find a main criticism. I spotted an obvious pattern with each of the three dark rides, but nowhere was it more glaringly annoying than with Snow White –the ride began with a generic sequence of dark, sinister scenes that basically screamed ‘bad things, terrible things, things beyond your mortal understanding’. This was then abruptly followed by an ill-fitting, Walt-approved, family friendly and frankly unnecessary happy ending for which there was no explanation or logical transition, as the curse of the romantic subplot once again reared its oh-so-ugly head. Why, just why? Essentially, for the most part this ride impressed me – who (but those who’ve queued for Vampire alone in late October) knew that trees could be quite so sinister – but the finale left me with a genuinely sickly aftertaste.
And just when you thought it was safe to go back into Disneyland, Neal reminded me there was still one more dark ride to be conquered, and that taste in my mouth wouldn’t be going anywhere any time soon. I can blast Maiden as I type all I like, but there’s no escaping the fact that as soon as I type the phrase ‘It’s a Small World’, I WILL have the theme song in my head, and yet that’s half the bizarre charm of the attraction, sure it’s annoying as hell (but hey, aren’t all the best people?) but that’s what makes it memorable. In the queue line, it was genuinely refreshing to have a conversation consisting almost entirely of Simpsons quotes (many of them at the expense of EuroDisney) for what felt like the first time in ages, and whilst the duration of the ride itself was hefty enough to leave even the dreaded EuroMir firmly in the shade, there was at least a grim smile on my face throughout. It was apparent from this that I was in a better mood than the previous day, and while I’d still agree that spending an entire day aboard would be classed as a cruel and unusual punishment, I’ve had a soft spot for ‘around the world’ type rides ever since my first trip to Alton Towers in ’92 (Around the World in 80 Days sadly made way for Toyland Tours two years later) which, in a perverse way, this satisfied. Perhaps it was just relief that the experience wasn’t as harrowing as I expected, but I can’t bring myself to slate It’s A Small World. That irritates me, so we’ll move on.
Richard had bought liquorice in the shop earlier, and supplied me with some in order to delay any potential sugar crashes (unlikely – the last rides had more combined sickly sweetness than my daily coffee intake) improving the day still further. At this point, we bid a temporary farewell to Mark & Marc as the group split, and the rest of us got lost in a maze. The maze was rather silly, and Sue was lost in it for longer than the rest of us, so Neal and myself occupied an ice cream cart which was abandoned nearby and made an oddly comfortable seat – until Richard decided to push it!! En route to Indiana Jones however, I’d learn the hard way NOT to occupy bench space between Richard and Sue as the increasingly obvious sexual chemistry between the pair over-spilled once again leading to an impromptu wrestling match and bad news for anyone else on the bench. You can’t take them anywhere…
Places where I have no intention of being taken again any time soon include: the queue for Indiana Jones and the Temple of WHY, or indeed the ride itself – the queue was long, but arrival in the station as we grew closer to our holy grail – the final credit of the trip. I’ve just spent a minute or two trying to come up with a ‘Why did it have to be snakes!?’ pun, but I’m sad to say I’ve failed. The true scale of the problem only became obvious to me as we climbed the lift hill ‘WAIT, this is just a Pinfari in Intamin’s clothing,’ I screamed, with alarm as we drew perilously close to a vertical loop perhaps more punishing than anything I’d encountered on even Sunday. Basically, it was rough as hell, not enjoyable in the slightest, and I genuinely don’t envy anyone who had to experience it IN REVERSE in pursuit of a +1 back in the day.
Once more needing some time to recover, it was now decreed to be lunch time, and we wandered back towards the entrance in search of something to eat; the others found sandwiches, but whilst I wanted a sandwich, none of them looked Will friendly, so me and Kim opted for a repeat performance of the fast food of WHY. Like the rest of Disney, it didn’t seem nearly as bad now our expectations had been suitably lowered – I can’t quite escape the impression that Disney make their ‘cheaper’ food quite so **** in the hope that people take the 30EUR+ options each time, but even if my waistline could support that kind of lifestyle, a CAO Associate’s pocket certainly can’t!! Anyway, despite the drizzle which decided to get involved at this point, this was a more peaceful lunchtime (maybe because we’d lost Neal and Sue who wanted Mexican, ‘cos they’re silly) which provided opportunities to wind Richard up, as well as providing ice cream and leftover chocolate torte when Sue made her return.
Life continued to be good, and it got better as we decided to go back to the Studios Park for the remaining few hours to revisit our favourite attractions, and there was never going to be any argument from anyone about where to start. If anything, Tower of Terror was even better than the day before – the advantage of the ‘glorified berry bouncer’ style of operation is that it’s nearly always going to be provided a different experience, and this one truly packed a punch and once again, I loved it. The queue was also good fun for everyone except Sue who experienced severe bothering and dishevelment at the unlikely hands of Neal… and perhaps the people behind us who had no bloody clue what travesty was unfolding ahead of them!
The park’s second best ride (as far as I’m concerned) was next up, as we’d picked up fasttrack tickets for Rock ‘n’ Rollercoaster earlier. Now, I don’t like Aerosmith (not even after the journey back from Dover) and I’m in complete agreement with Sue that the theming idea alone reeks of stale cheddar, but this time around it worked – I was sat with Neal towards the front of the train, accentuating the ride’s smoothness (with the obvious exception) as well as occupying a rare spot where the speakers were working to perfection, and this time, the ride wasn’t just unexpectedly enjoyable but genuinely brilliant.
But epic as my best Rock ‘n’ Roller experience had clearly been, the standout memory was still to come. During the queue, me and Sue had childishly passed the time by drooling over some small, dark character with far too much eyeshadow a little ahead of us in the queue, but only now did we notice her companion. To cut a long story short, I’ll just say that some people around here aren’t nearly as unique as they like to think they are; Richard’s attempt at subtlety was even more hilarious; losing track of his overly sized feet, he ended up walking straight into her as she stood phographing the on-ride photo screens with her phone (even the resulting withering stare was basically a shot-for-shot remake), before nearly running a mile in alarm. He was convinced, but now I’m convinced that I’ve milked far too much mileage from this particular non-story.
The group shrank still further at this point – Sue, Kim and Owain couldn’t get enough Tower of Terror, whilst I headed for the Studio Tour trams with Richard, Rach and Neal. These had a frustrating queue, and the experience itself was a variable one, the obvious saving grace of which was the genius of Jeremy Irons who provided the voiceover. The ride featured a considerable expanse of dead space, but this was interrupted by two brilliantly orchestrated disaster segments, the Central London one most memorable for an apparently indestructible Volvo sitting, unscratched amidst the carnage of what seemed to be London after a dragon attack, much to the delight of at least two of my companions! In short, you really can’t go wrong with explosions, but of course, the other three with me had experienced bigger and better elsewhere in Europe…
Alas, we had to make our way back to the main park for the final time now, as we were meeting Mark and Marc soon to ride some train or other. Upon meeting, we perhaps predictably lost Sue to the toilets (after an unexpected rant on the many flaws of gender segregation in public toilets with which I was obviously in agreement!) and decided to play the game of ‘pretending to be in the middle of a blazing row’ when she returned. It didn’t really work out, me and Rich both forgot our lines meaning we started giggling and throwing seeds at each other very quickly, before he eventually called me Francis and walked off.
I’m not entirely sure what the train ride with which we rounded off the day was, or what it was in aid of – only that both it and its queue went on for a very long time, and that throughout both ride and queue, the time-killing activities were moreorless a rehash of everything that had gone before, and predominantly at the expense of Sue. There was boredom, scurrilous rumours and impromptu foot massages, as well as a train that providing some stalling action Mr. Stone would have been proud of, each time it tried and failed to leave a station with carriages more overladen than… [insert inappropriate remark involving immigrants here]. It was at least a relaxing, for the most part, way to end a trip that had mostly been anything BUT relaxing, but it was also quite a tedious one – I wasn’t sad to finally see Main Street station again what felt like a VERY long time later.
And because of the excessive duration of the train ride, we ourselves were now strapped for time, and would have to catch ANOTHER train (happily a VERY short one) back to the hotel to begin the trek back to England, but first, it was time to say goodbye to Rach (in retrospect, perhaps 20% was too optimistic a loudness quotient for her back on the Sunday!) and try to empty our wallets of as much shrapnel as possible – I picked up an Eiffel tower keyring for the scary girl at work who’d demanded one after I told her I wouldn’t be able to bring back any cheap fags, and I’m pleased to report she was grudgingly nice to me for the rest of the week!!
Meanwhile, back at the hotel, I decided to ruin everyone’s lives by deliberately using the female toilet from a standing position, before we got in the car. I don’t really know why I’m reporting this part of the story; suffice to say the ferry crossing that followed was far and away the best I’ve ever enjoyed – we managed to catch an earlier one, and it seems Tuesday evenings are a dead time as it was basically us and a handful of lonely truckers – no faff to get on (aside from DREADFUL man), no queues for anything, no screaming kids and to cap it all, the sea was like a mill pond – if only it could have taken us all the way to Chislehurst.
After we got off the ferry of unexpected JOY (and FINALLY some British food and an epic coffee) and said what felt like the latest in a long line of sad goodbyes, the most pressing concern was keeping me, Richard, Sue, Owain and Kim awake from Dover to Chislehurst, but Richard rose to the occasion admirably with a selection of **** awful music (everything from Maroon 5 to Does It Offend You, Yeah, via Bryan Adams and Electric Six) for us to sing to at top volume, perhaps unexpectedly providing the longest, loudest laughing fit of the entire trip right at the death – mission accomplished, well done that man (and I don’t care how busy you are, you’d better have read all this!!) – since this is basically the end, aside from the fact that I’ve got You’re So Vain in my head now, as usual, a massive thank you for all the driving (aside from the ugly iPod incident) and organisation that meant once again, the most stress this trip caused me was actually having to be there! And thanks to everyone who was there and made it what it was as well, because this is pretty much the time for me to sign off…
As I said, maybe it wasn’t one of the all time greats in terms of CF’s foreign exploits, but it was not without its charm – I’ve enjoyed revisiting the whole thing in these reports quite a lot, and I hope you have too, if anything, this has reminded me that I’m actually not a bad writer, if I do say so myself!
...and in true Disney dark ride style, we all lived happily ever after.
Will
Strata Poster
That's probably just the way I write to be fair, don't know if anybody else wants to agree or disagree with me on that? In terms of our group behaviour and ethics, I wouldn't say we were any different from normal (besides me vs. the man in the Casey Jr. queue, which to be fair could have happened anywhere) and considerably less annoying than certain people on the trip last Spring - even Neal was oddly subdued for the most part; but yes, I have a propensity to be childish and embarassing, so if that makes you feel better about missing the trip, by all means fly with itgavin said:
