Cologne/ Phantasialand April 2017

[ATTACKHAMMER]

I have promised my honeys for ages that I would take them to a theme park. I was desperate to get back to my favourite park so with cheap flights on offer, I decided it was time to re-ride Taron!

We left a hideous o'clock for Stansted where we faced a disgusting queue for security and my private area kept setting off the metal detector, apparently my zip was not causing this! One of my honeys was stopped as she forget to remove a bottle of saline from her bag, us nurses are the worst tourists!

Finally we arrived in Cologne and the tried to work out how to use the bag storage machine which did not go quite to plan! Then we headed to the stunning Cathedral:

Then a service was starting, but luckily we managed to avoid it!

We decided to climb to the top, which was worth the effort:

The fair in the background did not appear to have a cred, womp womp.

We then went for lunch and beer at Hard Rock before going for a walk around the city. As we turned a corner we were welcomed to Cologne by a women squatting on the floor doing a big Mr Whippy! Stay classy Cologne!

Photos of stuff:

@nadroJ and @Nic kindly recommended a fab bar! The beer was lovely! Thanks for the recommendation!

Fab animatronics!

We then decided to head the park! We checked in and heading straight for ERT on Taron and Raik!
Then headed to the Hotel Matamba bar for a beer before bed ahead of an early start!

Next part soon!

 

[ATTACKHAMMER]

As I have some spare time I will continue sooner than expected!
I didn't realise I took so few photos.
After a tasty breakfast I was gagging to get back into the park! My honeys were very excited! The park was dead all day, with most rides walk on.

We started on the carousel:

The carousel is pretty good! It has horses you can rock back and forth, which I haven't seen before!

Next up was the Wave Swinger, which is pretty and rather good:

We then headed to Winjas. Only the Fear side was running:

I really like Winjas and the honeys enjoyed it too and were surprised by the special elements!

After Winjas I decided to take them on Temple of Night Hawk. Its an ok ride. The lighting effects are back up and running, they did not work on the Live. The honeys actually really enjoyed ToTNH, to my surprise!

The Hollywood Tour, the original CBR, is a must do. The honeys were less than impressed with this.

We then took a stroll around the park and ended up riding the dull splash battle, Wakobatox. Nothing more to say on that one.

A ride I was really looking forward to re-riding was Talacon!

We had two rides on this epic ride! Sadly I didn't manage to get a fire side ride, perhaps tomorrow...

After this we rode Chipas. The Honeys were surprised by the disco feature and loved the drop. Chipas is the best log flume in the world!

Next up was Colorado Adventure! We had four rides on this epic mine train, including a back row! The honeys took it in turns to sit next to me and enjoy the huge airtime! The best mine train in the world!

It was time to get a drink so we watched the drumming show next to Black Mamba. I was really excited to re-ride Black Mamba as I only rode it once on the live and it did not impressive me too much. We had two rides, one back row. Black Mamba is awesome! I love the hang time on the loop! For me, it is the 5th best invert that I have ridden.

Next up we headed to China to experience some attractions I have not ridden before. We started with the Ghost Train. It is awful. Literally nothing happens and the damn thing goes on forever!
Surely the Madhouse must be better? I like Madhouses, when they are well done like Hex or the one at Efteling they are good attractions. The story line for this one however was awful, from what I could understand. The pre show was awful and the ride itself has a happy ending! A happy ending on a Madhouse! What is this ****!? It could have been done so much better!

We got another drink and watched the juggling show. I decided that it was time to embark on a River Quest. I love River Quest and could not wait for the honeys to experience it! It seemed to me that the water effects were turned down, as it was not the warmest of days. The work completed in the off season has really made the ride even more awesome! The honeys were suitably shocked by our quest down the raging rapids!

In order to dry us out I decided we should go for a tour of Mystery Castle! This turned out to be the most popular ride of the trip. With three rather shocked honeys we decided to eat in the Chinese buffet before ert.

We enjoyed the buffet so much we only had time for a couple of rides on Taron.

Then we heading to the Dragon Bar, which was closed. Major spite! So went and got drunk in the other bar. Final part soon!

 

[Pink Cadillac]

Cool report. I'm looking forward to hearing what The Honeys™ thought of Taron!

 

[ATTACKHAMMER]

A photo from the evening before. Remember kids it is important to pre drink, while you're getting ready to go out.

Final part:

Waking up I was pleasantly surprised to be without a hangover. We had pretty much a full park day as our flight wasn't until the evening. The park was much busier due to school trips. Womp womp.
This was the day where I was trying to live tweet as CF. Sadly the 3g didn't work so I had to rely on the intermittent wifi.

We started by riding Winjas Force, which I still think is the better side. We had a couple of rides, again the honeys were surprised at the special elements. For some reason we rode Tittle Tattle Tree which gave views of not only Winjas but also a discarded tampon on a roof.

A very odd ride.

Next up we re-rode Talacon. Sadly I still can't manage to get on the fire side! I love Talacon, mostly because it doesn't have the stupid restraints like on Ramses' Revenge.
It had the best cycle I've ever had! Two lots of 6 spins and some full rotations.

Next up we did Maus, which was down on the previous day. I don't like the pull rope shooting style.

Next we re-rode Colorado Adventure, which was my honeys favourite cred of the trip. The second part is the best part.

Mystery Castle was next on the agenda. Today it featured some scare actors, therefore I was left deaf by three screaming honeys. Don't worry the honeys were well looked after. I cannot get over the launch on MC, it is like Dodopna turned side ways.

We then decided to re-ride Black Mamba before heading for a final ride on Taron.

I still love Taron! The launches are great, especially the second one. The sideways airtime is amazing. The honeys enjoyed Taron but found the masses of airtime a bit too much.

Thank you for reading. Think I have posted some photos from the wrong day, shoot me.

 

[Chris Brown]

Maycock you are my hero. I don't understand how you just whisk these groups of honeys away to just get creds and drink beer. I salute you my friend!

 

[davidm]

Is it just me, but Dan is doing everso well? Go Dan.

Good report, Phantasia Island is great.

 

[Hixee]

Good work Dan! Looking forward to visiting Phantasialand next week, although I won't have the honeys.

 

[nadroJ]

Good work Dan! Looking forward to visiting Phantasialand next week, although I won't have the honeys.

I feel like Ben and Lofty will be outraged by this statement XD

 

[Jarrett]

Phantasialand looks almost like a mini Disney but with better quality rides! I seriously can't wait to get there someday. And that first shot of the inside of that cathedral and the first shot of the carousel are great!

 

[Smithy]

Looking forward to booking up a trip for my birthday this year, looks like such a beautiful park. Cologne looks like a nice place to spend a half day at least too

 

[ATTACKHAMMER]

Looking forward to booking up a trip for my birthday this year, looks like such a beautiful park. Cologne looks like a nice place to spend a half day at least too

It's an incredible park!
Half a day is enough. Once you've seen the cathedral and had a wonder there is little else to do, other than drink.

 

[Rachel]

Wow Dan you're a legend!
Since my boyfriend is taking an indefinate hiatus from theme parks, can I apply to become a honey?
lol in all seriousness though, fab report and glad you all had a good time!

 

[ATTACKHAMMER]

Wow Dan you're a legend!
Since my boyfriend is taking an indefinate hiatus from theme parks, can I apply to become a honey?
lol in all seriousness though, fab report and glad you all had a good time!

You're welcome to become the first honorary honey!

Thanks! Phantasialand is always an excellent time!

 

[CSLKennyNI]

Great report and nice to see some of Cologne too - personally I'd disagree that's there's little to do there but I'm biased...
Phantasialand is wonderful and while Taron is my favourite I'm glad to hear Colorado Adventure has big fans as I love that coaster too.
Can't wait to get back to Phantasialand myself. This Wednesday is just too far away...

 

[Lofty]

I feel like Ben and Lofty will be outraged by this statement XD

Yeah, **** you @Hixee .

Great report, Dan. You've made me so excited to be going back this week.

 

[DelPiero]

I have promised my honeys for ages that I would take them to a theme park.

I haven't even started reading the report yet but this slayed me, Danthemanwhocan!

 

[zazobo]

Phantasialand is wonderful and while Taron is my favourite I'm glad to hear Colorado Adventure has big fans as I love that coaster too.

Just back from my first trip to Phantasialand- LOVED Colorado Adventure. What a brilliantly surprising little ride!