Geeky Pastimes
Mega Poster
Apologies for no pictures on this one, just didn't have my phone out much at all!
We headed back to Thorpe Park yesterday for the first time since 2021. Back then we left at lunch because the park was in such a bad state, after eating a terrible burrito from the Mexican place, all the rides being on super slow operations or single trains so long queues, and everything looking a bit drab. We swore off returning until they built something new, and Hyperia was that new thing!
The night before we stayed at the Bridge Inn in Chertsey, that place was lovely! Great and secure covered parking, a lovely room and really nice cooked breakfast, can heartily recommend. As a bonus it's only a 6 minute drive to Thorpe Park!
Heading into the park, we were cautiously optimistic. We got there about 15 minute before opening, used some deal from a Cadbury's Fudge bar multipack to get two tickets at £14.50 each, the weather was nice, the car park was quiet, and everything looked to be testing. Once we got through the gate to the holding area near the beach, we saw a big sign saying Hyperia was delayed, despite seeing it testing. On a closer look, they had the water filled dummies in, and we got to see them emptying them on the ride, leaving the tops off so they sprayed water out on every inversion, it really is quite a sight, even if it's a little unsettling.
We decided to head to Swarm instead and only had to wait for two trains before we got a front row. I do like Swarm, but after being on a lot of big coasters over the last decade, it doesn't impress like it used. The lift hill doesn't feel as high, and the length of the rides leaves a lot to be desired. It really does feel like a great first drop, an ok roll, a couple of helixes and you're done. I'm not a fan of the long slow roll over the station either. After riding other wing coasters, I really miss airtime hills with Swarm, and this was to become a bit of a theme across the entire trip.
Once we got off, we saw that Hyperia was still down, Colossus seemed to be silent, and Saw and Stealth were sending empty trains around. So we headed to Nemesis Inferno, seeing it was on a 5 minute queue. Again we had to wait two or three trains for a front row seat and had a pretty good time on it. I've always thought Nemmy Inferno was a bit underrated, it's a decent enough invert and the inversions still feel fun, it's not got rough at all. A shame that the station is in quite a state with SO many spiderwebs over the roof and those bass tubes that I swear haven't worked for over 15 years. Also a pity that the smoke in the tunnel wasn't working, but at least it was on two trains, which everything seemed to be today, despite it being so quiet.
We saw Stealth was running so went over there and again, managed to get a front row with only a tiny wait. I absolutely love Stealth and we somehow got more airtime on it than we did on anything else in the park, it really flew over the top hat. It's nice that it's still got a cable launch and while I've enjoyed the bigger and newer accelerators around the world, Stealth still packs a punch. I just wish it had lap bars, as a taller guy, it's not a lot of fun getting in and out of those trains.
Checking around, we saw Hyperia still hadn't opened and Colossus was apparently on a 30 minute wait (I'm guessing maybe that was on one train) , so we went to Saw instead. Only a ten minute wait, but the whole area around Saw has got so overgrown and messy. I know Merlin go for a 'dilapidated' theme, so in theory the more run down it is, the better the theming, but it's easy to see when it's a lack of care rather than an intention. I've never been a big fan of Saw and this ride didn't change my mind. The big drop feels very short now with Hyperia nearby to compare it to, and the rest of the layout is dull, and just a bit jolty and uncomfortable. I don't like Gerstlauers (except Fury and the one that isn't Karnan at Hansa).
In the middle of an inversion on Saw I thought I saw people on a train on Hyperia, so we ran over, and sure enough it was just opening up, so the queue was still filtering in and we managed to get right up to the lift hill part of the queue before we slowed down. I was really unimpressed with the area, the theming is really lacking and it doesn't even look like a new ride. The whole area is covered in weeds and rubble, the fences have hollow posts filled with rubbish, and the only items of theming seem to be one design of wings copy and pasted all over in random locations, and some odd boards that try to tell a story with no cohesion, just some vague statements. The worst offender in the queue was that bloody lift hill motor. We were stuck standing next to it for about four dispatches and it hurt our ears, weirdly a little moreso on every other train. It's so unpleasantly loud, people ahead and behind of us were covering their ears too, I'm sure that can't be right, or safe for people to be near for too long.
Thankfully the queue started moving quickly again after that and we got into the station. More bad theming, especially that odd projection mapped thing that seemed to be a cup getting filled with something as the train dispatches, but with the wings again?
The ride itself was a bit of an odd one. On our first ride we were put on the back row, and I was pleasantly surprised with how fast the lift hill was and the great views up there. The first drop didn't feel very interesting to me, I think the twist takes out some of the fear that I'd usually feel on something this big, and then I'm pretty sure I very briefly blacked out at the bottom of the drop, I felt my vision come back as we went back up again, it was very odd, I haven't had that on a coaster before. Then we went through the rest of the layout and I felt pretty underwhelmed throughout. The dive loop was cool, being able to look down and see just how high we were, but the overbanked turn didn't do anything for me, and where the splashdown should be (which is now a rusty trough, just a few months after opening) the brakes felt like they were just cancelling what should have been the rest of the ride. A tiny little hill and then back to the brake run, thinking 'was that it'?
I realise I probably overhyped it to myself before we went, and we've been spoiled by being able to ride things like Toutatis, Velocicoaster, Ride to Happiness, FLY, and a bunch of RMCs over the last few years, but this just didn't feel exciting or particularly fun. It's hard to position it against the other UK coasters, because I really don't feel we have world class coasters right now, but I think I still prefer riding on Stealth.
After Hyperia we went on Ghost Train because it had just opened, and we hadn't been on it since the VR was removed. I was never a big fan of it with the VR, it always felt like the visuals in the second VR section were very weak and the central section was very hit or miss depending on what effects were working or how many actors they had working. But it was immediately noticeable how scaled back this was, even with the outdoor bit of the queue line. We were lucky enough to go to the media night preview for the original ride and they worked hard then to create an atmosphere with plenty of staff in character and ambient music, all of that is gone now. Once we got into the ride (just a 5 minute wait) we had the preshow, which consisted of one staff member shouting some rules at us, then some screens showing us the rules, then a video of a guy explaining the very short backstory. The attempts at scare were just turning the lights off and making a couple of loud noises, then moving us through to the next part, where again they told us the rules and told us the short story. Then we get to see the train, and the whole spectacle of the hanging train is gone, replaced with a fake looking brick wall and a dingy version of the train. You get on the train and are told the story again, and then these two poor staff members had to try and keep us creeped out for what felt like an eternity while the ride system moved us about. They clearly hadn't planned well for the pacing, because nothing happens, it's just retelling the story over and over and then the staff trying to act creepy and making you jump by getting your face. We then got off and while I remember the original Ghost train feeling like you were really getting off at the side of a train line, into some tunnels, now it's lit and decorated in a way that it's very clear you're just in a building painted black.
They took us into a room filled with budget Halloween decorations and told us the story again, before moving around to act creepy, and then telling us to leave and get back on the train. I think they were trying to instil a sense of panic or urgency, but it just wasn't working, everyone was just casually walking back to the train, where again we were told the story, and then there's the climax with some spooky lighting and more people acting creepy and getting in your face. The whole time it was awkward more than anything else. It was a full ride and I'd say 90% of the guests were just sitting there with blank or awkward impressions, while the others were laughing at how cheesy the whole thing was. I felt so embarrassed for the staff having to try and keep it going when they had so little to work with. Once it was over they kicked us back into a coffee shop, the fake out shop was completely gone (we could see where it used to be, but everything has been removed now).
After this we were just feeling a bit down about the whole day, it really felt like everything was being done so cheaply in the park. We go to a lot of parks around the world, and I can't remember the last time I'd been to one that felt this low quality throughout. We headed onto Walking Dead, which I quite like (it's definitely a big upgrade on what X used to be) but the only cast member in character was one guy in the entrance wearing a cheap Halloween mask. He did make a few people jump though, before completely giving up on being in character so he could open the door for us (which I'm guessing was meant to open automatically). The ride is fun enough for what it is, but then in that long dark corridor on the exit someone had spilled some food or something and my wife slipped and hurt herself, getting the food on her clothes. We told the staff member at the bag drop on the way out and all they said was 'what kind of food is it'. No apology, no checking to see if she was ok, no care at all.
It was just after 1pm now so we decided to head back into the Hyperia queue to give it another go. The main queue said 50 minutes so we tried single rider (mostly to avoid the lift hill motor) and thankfully we got on after about 20 minutes. We were both on the same train, I was on the third row and my wife was on the 5th. It was a little better further up the train, no blacking out or anything, but it still just felt a bit nothingy to me, the dive loop was still cool but it's the only element that stands out as a fun moment on the ride.
After that we just decided to leave, we'd done everything we wanted to (except Colossus, but I've done that so many times before I'm not too interested in queueing for it anymore). It was about 2pm at that point, on the way out we walked past some Octoberfest entertainment that seemed very holiday-camp quality.
Really, that was quite a good day at Thorpe Park, we didn't pay much to get in, we didn't have to queue much, and we got on the front row of a bunch of rides and managed two rides on the coaster we went there for, but we just didn't have a lot of fun. We got stuck in traffic on the way back so had plenty of time to chat about where we think Thorpe are going wrong, but I really don't think it's any one thing. The rides barely have any airtime between them, which feels odd but then we realised neither do the rollercoasters at Alton Towers or Chessington. It feels like a specific choice to have rides that focus on positive Gs and I have no idea why. The staff all seem like either they don't care, or they're struggling to make do with what they have to work with. The whole park feels run down and neglected, with the few rides that have had some attention lately (Samurai's paint job is looking very nice) just showing how bad the others (Nemesis Inferno, or even the huge structure of Slammer still sitting there) have been treated. All the coasters are ridiculously short, the entertainment is low quality, the theming is either incredibly basic or amateurish, and while we didn't have any food this time, there's a reason for that, in the past it has always been terrible, and now it's very expensive too.
I really wish we had better theme parks in the UK. I remember loving Alton Towers and Thorpe Park as a kid and a teenager, but seeing other parks like Toverland, Efteling, Phantasialand, Europa, Liseberg, Port Aventura, Parc Asterix etc do things so much better, it really doesn't make us want to face the 3/4 hour drive to bother with the Merlin Parks.
Apologies for all the negativity!
We headed back to Thorpe Park yesterday for the first time since 2021. Back then we left at lunch because the park was in such a bad state, after eating a terrible burrito from the Mexican place, all the rides being on super slow operations or single trains so long queues, and everything looking a bit drab. We swore off returning until they built something new, and Hyperia was that new thing!
The night before we stayed at the Bridge Inn in Chertsey, that place was lovely! Great and secure covered parking, a lovely room and really nice cooked breakfast, can heartily recommend. As a bonus it's only a 6 minute drive to Thorpe Park!
Heading into the park, we were cautiously optimistic. We got there about 15 minute before opening, used some deal from a Cadbury's Fudge bar multipack to get two tickets at £14.50 each, the weather was nice, the car park was quiet, and everything looked to be testing. Once we got through the gate to the holding area near the beach, we saw a big sign saying Hyperia was delayed, despite seeing it testing. On a closer look, they had the water filled dummies in, and we got to see them emptying them on the ride, leaving the tops off so they sprayed water out on every inversion, it really is quite a sight, even if it's a little unsettling.
We decided to head to Swarm instead and only had to wait for two trains before we got a front row. I do like Swarm, but after being on a lot of big coasters over the last decade, it doesn't impress like it used. The lift hill doesn't feel as high, and the length of the rides leaves a lot to be desired. It really does feel like a great first drop, an ok roll, a couple of helixes and you're done. I'm not a fan of the long slow roll over the station either. After riding other wing coasters, I really miss airtime hills with Swarm, and this was to become a bit of a theme across the entire trip.
Once we got off, we saw that Hyperia was still down, Colossus seemed to be silent, and Saw and Stealth were sending empty trains around. So we headed to Nemesis Inferno, seeing it was on a 5 minute queue. Again we had to wait two or three trains for a front row seat and had a pretty good time on it. I've always thought Nemmy Inferno was a bit underrated, it's a decent enough invert and the inversions still feel fun, it's not got rough at all. A shame that the station is in quite a state with SO many spiderwebs over the roof and those bass tubes that I swear haven't worked for over 15 years. Also a pity that the smoke in the tunnel wasn't working, but at least it was on two trains, which everything seemed to be today, despite it being so quiet.
We saw Stealth was running so went over there and again, managed to get a front row with only a tiny wait. I absolutely love Stealth and we somehow got more airtime on it than we did on anything else in the park, it really flew over the top hat. It's nice that it's still got a cable launch and while I've enjoyed the bigger and newer accelerators around the world, Stealth still packs a punch. I just wish it had lap bars, as a taller guy, it's not a lot of fun getting in and out of those trains.
Checking around, we saw Hyperia still hadn't opened and Colossus was apparently on a 30 minute wait (I'm guessing maybe that was on one train) , so we went to Saw instead. Only a ten minute wait, but the whole area around Saw has got so overgrown and messy. I know Merlin go for a 'dilapidated' theme, so in theory the more run down it is, the better the theming, but it's easy to see when it's a lack of care rather than an intention. I've never been a big fan of Saw and this ride didn't change my mind. The big drop feels very short now with Hyperia nearby to compare it to, and the rest of the layout is dull, and just a bit jolty and uncomfortable. I don't like Gerstlauers (except Fury and the one that isn't Karnan at Hansa).
In the middle of an inversion on Saw I thought I saw people on a train on Hyperia, so we ran over, and sure enough it was just opening up, so the queue was still filtering in and we managed to get right up to the lift hill part of the queue before we slowed down. I was really unimpressed with the area, the theming is really lacking and it doesn't even look like a new ride. The whole area is covered in weeds and rubble, the fences have hollow posts filled with rubbish, and the only items of theming seem to be one design of wings copy and pasted all over in random locations, and some odd boards that try to tell a story with no cohesion, just some vague statements. The worst offender in the queue was that bloody lift hill motor. We were stuck standing next to it for about four dispatches and it hurt our ears, weirdly a little moreso on every other train. It's so unpleasantly loud, people ahead and behind of us were covering their ears too, I'm sure that can't be right, or safe for people to be near for too long.
Thankfully the queue started moving quickly again after that and we got into the station. More bad theming, especially that odd projection mapped thing that seemed to be a cup getting filled with something as the train dispatches, but with the wings again?
The ride itself was a bit of an odd one. On our first ride we were put on the back row, and I was pleasantly surprised with how fast the lift hill was and the great views up there. The first drop didn't feel very interesting to me, I think the twist takes out some of the fear that I'd usually feel on something this big, and then I'm pretty sure I very briefly blacked out at the bottom of the drop, I felt my vision come back as we went back up again, it was very odd, I haven't had that on a coaster before. Then we went through the rest of the layout and I felt pretty underwhelmed throughout. The dive loop was cool, being able to look down and see just how high we were, but the overbanked turn didn't do anything for me, and where the splashdown should be (which is now a rusty trough, just a few months after opening) the brakes felt like they were just cancelling what should have been the rest of the ride. A tiny little hill and then back to the brake run, thinking 'was that it'?
I realise I probably overhyped it to myself before we went, and we've been spoiled by being able to ride things like Toutatis, Velocicoaster, Ride to Happiness, FLY, and a bunch of RMCs over the last few years, but this just didn't feel exciting or particularly fun. It's hard to position it against the other UK coasters, because I really don't feel we have world class coasters right now, but I think I still prefer riding on Stealth.
After Hyperia we went on Ghost Train because it had just opened, and we hadn't been on it since the VR was removed. I was never a big fan of it with the VR, it always felt like the visuals in the second VR section were very weak and the central section was very hit or miss depending on what effects were working or how many actors they had working. But it was immediately noticeable how scaled back this was, even with the outdoor bit of the queue line. We were lucky enough to go to the media night preview for the original ride and they worked hard then to create an atmosphere with plenty of staff in character and ambient music, all of that is gone now. Once we got into the ride (just a 5 minute wait) we had the preshow, which consisted of one staff member shouting some rules at us, then some screens showing us the rules, then a video of a guy explaining the very short backstory. The attempts at scare were just turning the lights off and making a couple of loud noises, then moving us through to the next part, where again they told us the rules and told us the short story. Then we get to see the train, and the whole spectacle of the hanging train is gone, replaced with a fake looking brick wall and a dingy version of the train. You get on the train and are told the story again, and then these two poor staff members had to try and keep us creeped out for what felt like an eternity while the ride system moved us about. They clearly hadn't planned well for the pacing, because nothing happens, it's just retelling the story over and over and then the staff trying to act creepy and making you jump by getting your face. We then got off and while I remember the original Ghost train feeling like you were really getting off at the side of a train line, into some tunnels, now it's lit and decorated in a way that it's very clear you're just in a building painted black.
They took us into a room filled with budget Halloween decorations and told us the story again, before moving around to act creepy, and then telling us to leave and get back on the train. I think they were trying to instil a sense of panic or urgency, but it just wasn't working, everyone was just casually walking back to the train, where again we were told the story, and then there's the climax with some spooky lighting and more people acting creepy and getting in your face. The whole time it was awkward more than anything else. It was a full ride and I'd say 90% of the guests were just sitting there with blank or awkward impressions, while the others were laughing at how cheesy the whole thing was. I felt so embarrassed for the staff having to try and keep it going when they had so little to work with. Once it was over they kicked us back into a coffee shop, the fake out shop was completely gone (we could see where it used to be, but everything has been removed now).
After this we were just feeling a bit down about the whole day, it really felt like everything was being done so cheaply in the park. We go to a lot of parks around the world, and I can't remember the last time I'd been to one that felt this low quality throughout. We headed onto Walking Dead, which I quite like (it's definitely a big upgrade on what X used to be) but the only cast member in character was one guy in the entrance wearing a cheap Halloween mask. He did make a few people jump though, before completely giving up on being in character so he could open the door for us (which I'm guessing was meant to open automatically). The ride is fun enough for what it is, but then in that long dark corridor on the exit someone had spilled some food or something and my wife slipped and hurt herself, getting the food on her clothes. We told the staff member at the bag drop on the way out and all they said was 'what kind of food is it'. No apology, no checking to see if she was ok, no care at all.
It was just after 1pm now so we decided to head back into the Hyperia queue to give it another go. The main queue said 50 minutes so we tried single rider (mostly to avoid the lift hill motor) and thankfully we got on after about 20 minutes. We were both on the same train, I was on the third row and my wife was on the 5th. It was a little better further up the train, no blacking out or anything, but it still just felt a bit nothingy to me, the dive loop was still cool but it's the only element that stands out as a fun moment on the ride.
After that we just decided to leave, we'd done everything we wanted to (except Colossus, but I've done that so many times before I'm not too interested in queueing for it anymore). It was about 2pm at that point, on the way out we walked past some Octoberfest entertainment that seemed very holiday-camp quality.
Really, that was quite a good day at Thorpe Park, we didn't pay much to get in, we didn't have to queue much, and we got on the front row of a bunch of rides and managed two rides on the coaster we went there for, but we just didn't have a lot of fun. We got stuck in traffic on the way back so had plenty of time to chat about where we think Thorpe are going wrong, but I really don't think it's any one thing. The rides barely have any airtime between them, which feels odd but then we realised neither do the rollercoasters at Alton Towers or Chessington. It feels like a specific choice to have rides that focus on positive Gs and I have no idea why. The staff all seem like either they don't care, or they're struggling to make do with what they have to work with. The whole park feels run down and neglected, with the few rides that have had some attention lately (Samurai's paint job is looking very nice) just showing how bad the others (Nemesis Inferno, or even the huge structure of Slammer still sitting there) have been treated. All the coasters are ridiculously short, the entertainment is low quality, the theming is either incredibly basic or amateurish, and while we didn't have any food this time, there's a reason for that, in the past it has always been terrible, and now it's very expensive too.
I really wish we had better theme parks in the UK. I remember loving Alton Towers and Thorpe Park as a kid and a teenager, but seeing other parks like Toverland, Efteling, Phantasialand, Europa, Liseberg, Port Aventura, Parc Asterix etc do things so much better, it really doesn't make us want to face the 3/4 hour drive to bother with the Merlin Parks.
Apologies for all the negativity!
