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A Long Overdue Return To Coasters - 3 Merlin Parks By Train

Burniel

Roller Poster
Preamble
Much like (I assume) many people, my love for coasters started in my early teens. At the time, I was stereotypically over-informed and over-opinionated for someone with a child's level of experience, although as part of a classic British "Merlin Pass family" I was very fortunate to rack up a few more credits than the average kid of my age. It was around five years ago that I found myself losing enthusiasm - I never "grew out of it" as such, I just found myself less interested as slightly more adult life events began.

Fast forward to this year and I found myself graduating university, moving back to the South London area, and hearing of a new B&M opening almost walking distance away. Obviously, I'd have to give it a go for old time's sake. And what about that record breaker coming to Thorpe next year, would be rude not to give that a go... before I knew it, I was back at both of my old home parks at every opportunity with shiny new pass in hand. A lot of what I wanted to do as a kid is more feasible now - time to give this enthusiast lark another shot.

Adventure Island - 20th August 2023
Deciding where to go for my first new park in over 6 years was made easier by limited options. A car is a luxury I'm yet to afford, so to ease myself in I figured it had to be somewhere day-trippable by public transport, with enough to do to guarantee it would feel worth it. Adventure Island became the option of choice, and 2 hours of trains (and suprisingly only 1 set of engineering works) later, I arrived in Southend.

On a sunny Sunday in mid August, Adventure Island has a great buzz. It's got that seafront vibe with compact rides crammed in every spare bit of floor (or indeed roof) space whilst clearly being operated with the facilities and capacity to handle peak summer crowds. I collected my pre-booked wristband (which I felt was reasonable value at £20) and found my way to the obvious first stop: Rage (#59).

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I had assumed comparing Rage to my only other Eurofighter would be unfair, given how much larger and more themed Saw - The Ride is, but Rage ended up being a delight. It's hard to think of much I didn't get from the ride that I do from Saw, besides the latter's indoor section and inevitable thumping headache. It was great fun and nowhere near as rough as feared, prompting an immediate second go. It did become a little more violent when re-riding later in the day, but I had no issue getting 5 total laps on it across my visit, and would perhaps have done more had the queue not built up.

After a disappointing experience on the neighbouring Skydrop, I figured the crowds would likely build as the afternoon went on, and so began to hit the junior creds in quick succession. Green Scream (#60) is a pretty fun Zierer Tivoli, and I was glad to have a seat towards the back of its enormous train. Mighty Mini Mega (#61) became my first ever Pinfari coaster, and despite its horrendous name, the experience was fine, acting as a reasonably fun family coaster albeit with weird profiling and a distinct vibration which suggested it would be a lot less fun going any faster than 25mph.

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I then became the only unaccompanied adult on Kiddi Koasta (#62) (a situation I suspect may become familiar if this hobby persists), whose tiny airtime hills at the bottom caught me by surprise, before rounding off the coasters on Barnstormer (#63), which was my favourite of the 4 purely due to the surprising force with which it takes the main helix.

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(Some excellent camerawork on these ones, I'm sure you'll agree...)

Outside of the coasters, the bulk of the park's footprint is taken up by flat rides, the most interesting of which are probably Axis (an SBF inverting Frisbee) and The Screature (an orbiter). I found the former to be a bit style over substance and lacking in force, whereas the latter was fantastic and well worth another spin later in the day. I had known not to expect Time Machine, an infamous in-house creation, to be open, but it was encouraging to see signage promising its imminent return.

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I also experienced two dark rides at the park. The first, Adventureville, I knew little about but seem to remember reading good things. The result was a perfectly adequate ride, but one which my initial expectations were a bit too high for, proved by the fact that I appreciated it "for what it was" a lot better on the second lap (each cycle comprises two circuits with different lighting). I enjoyed the slight tilt the cars do as they enter the spinning tunnel; it adds a lot to an otherwise standard effect. Similarly, Over The Hill 2: Spooksville is worth a go and is fine once you align your expectations to neon 2D theming and spooks aimed at kids.

In all, my visit to Adventure Island lasted 3-4 hours. If I'd just wanted the coasters, half of that would have sufficed. If I'd wanted to ride all the flats, another hour or two could have been spent. As it was, I was hot, growing slightly weary of over-enthusiastic announcements from superhero-costumed staff (who in all fairness deserve a lot of respect), and happy to get back on the rails. I found the park pleasant, clean, and friendly, with few negatives but equally nothing hugely impressive - though Rage was great fun. I would gladly return, but probably not before the rebirth of Time Machine or the installation of something else significant.
 
Paultons Park - 8th September 2023
“Yesterday I went, as we all must, to Peppa Pig World…”

Despite having studied in Southampton for 4 years, Paultons Park had until this week been unexplored territory for me, demonstrating just how much of a reduced priority theme parks were for me during that time. As I was already planning a trip back to the area this week for a concert, I decided it was about time to head down and finally check the place out.

The journey from my hotel in Southampton Central was an easy enough 20 minute run on the X7. Contrary to what Google Maps had me believe, the bus actually drops right outside the main entrance (at certain times on certain days), providing a relatively inexpensive direct link from station gate to turnstile. Though an earlier bus was available, I chose to arrive just before 11, and found the entrance procedure to be smooth.

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Being a September Friday, I figured crowds would be light, allowing me to enjoy the day without the need for tactical planning; I therefore headed straight for bit I was most excited for, Tornado Springs. The area seems to have drawn much praise since opening, and I'm pleased to say I agree - this is definitely some of the best theming I’ve seen in the UK. Unlike (for example) some of Merlin's newer work, the high standard is maintained throughout the area rather than being focused on single marketable pieces - the indoor queues for the coasters were particularly impressive.

Storm Chaser (#64) is the bigger coaster in the area, and the biggest in the park. It’s technically a cloned layout, but much like 99% of the clientele, I’m highly unlikely to come across another any time soon. The ride is superb, with surprising moments of intensity and a very re-ridable, if short, layout. A good spin on Dragon’s Fury is probably marginally more thrilling, but after 8 laps throughout the day I decided that Storm Chaser is the best family coaster (that I’ve done) in the UK when it comes to the overall package.

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Nearby Cyclonator is the park’s biggest flat. The restraints are a bit awkward, but the ride itself is great fun and has some good forces. Not to be missed.

My next credit was Farmyard Flyer (#65), a perfectly pleasant Zierer Force, albeit not something that needs doing more than once. Similar (though far less themed) was nearby Cat-O-Pillar Coaster (#66), a Tivoli Medium which sent me absolutely flying over the drop in the back row.

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Next up was a trek to the other side of the park to The Lost Kingdom, a Jurassic land featuring a pair of family Vekomas nestled amongst a variety of foliage and rockwork. Flight of the Pterosaur (#67) was my first Vekoma Suspended, and it was delightful. Fun and breezy on the front and unexpectedly whippy at the back, all with very comfortable lap restraints. Would make a great step-up coaster for kids transitioning from the likes of the Tivolis.

After a couple of cycles, I went to a deserted Velociraptor (#68), where I interrupted the operator’s otherwise carefree existence to obtain a front and back row ride, both as the sole passenger. Once again, this was my first of the model, and it was pretty good, though probably my least favourite of the four "bigger" coasters at the park. Still, it offered some mild forces and and a family-friendly layout. Going backwards on a coaster is always fun.

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"Where would be a good place to get a photo of Velociraptor? How about directly behind that support?"

An awkward ride then followed on Dino Chase (#69), again sat idle for lack of custom, where a friendly but very knowing greeting from the ride op preceded yet another solo ride. It was fine, would be great for young kids, though it does feel like a coaster of this size would possibly fit better in Peppa Pig World as there's not that much more for the really tiny ones to do at this end of the park.

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A noticeable change in tone is felt upon leaving The Lost Kingdom and heading towards Cobra (#70). This part of the park predates their intricate themed areas, but to be fair it was still well presented, complete with trademark perfect hedgerows. The coaster is enormous fun, and I really hope it stays around when the surrounding area inevitably gets an upgrade in future. Whilst in the area, I also rode Edge, a large Disko, where the additional seatbelt (as compared to Chessington’s Kobra, the only fray with one of these I’d had before) confused me until I realised just how bumpy it is - a sure sign it’s one of the older “thrill” rides at the park. Good fun regardless.

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Quick summary of the more minor things I did:
- Raging River (travelling-style log flume) was fine, the water was nice and clean.
- Magma (small SBF drop tower) gives moderate drops and makes it very obvious where the inspiration for Croc Drop came from.
- Boulder Dash is a kiddie flat which I thought was going to be a lot better than it was.
- Buffalo Falls was a set of three-drop dinghy slides. So yeah, pretty good.
- The zoo and garden areas were well maintained and pleasant, if not anywhere I spent lots of time.

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I also had a mooch around Peppa Pig, the only part of the park where the rides gathered a queue. It was fine, plenty to look at and lots of kiddie rides but based on the amount of marketing and general hype it has I was expecting it to be a bit bigger than it was. It more than does the job, and it's clearly pulling the off-peak crowds well, but the park have done much better things since (which is a good thing, I guess). No photos as I felt a bit self-conscious taking any.

As I hope has come across throughout, I really enjoyed Paultons Park. The place just seems to do everything the way it should be done. Immaculately clean and well presented, with great customer service and, with the addition of Tornado Springs, a very respectable set of ride hardware for a family park. The park offers a range of experiences on the level of a corporate park with the charm and friendliness of somewhere much smaller. To make the obvious comparison with Chessington, I firmly believe Paultons offers a much nicer day out, though I'm sure my assessment is heavily biased by it being so quiet I managed around 40 rides in just over 5 hours. A couple of areas are clearly still developing, but everything "new" they do is outclassing their Merlin counterpart in almost every way.

In the interests of balance, I can think of two criticisms of the park. Firstly, the nature of their bigger coasters, in particular the Vekomas, means that they can only ever run one train - hardly a problem on my visit, but I can see this being a problem as the park continues to grow. Secondly, the place could really do with a good quality dark ride to round off the lineup.

Very happy with my day, I retired to the park entrance bus stop from which (at least on my visit) a Southampton-bound bus collects at 16:28 - it's probably worth asking ahead of time though...

Until the next one.
 
Great reports @Burniel; I'm glad your reintroduction to theme parks seems to be going well!

I've never been to Adventure Island myself, so I can't comment on that one, but I’m glad you enjoyed Paultons! I went to the park in July 2021, and I have to say that even though the coasters are family coasters rather than out and out thrill machines, it’s a very nice, wholesome park that’s a lot more fun than its RCDB file suggests, in my view! The coasters are great fun, there are some pockets of very nice theming, and it just has an overall nice vibe, in my view; I’m glad you enjoyed it too!
 
Thanks @Matt N - I've been having a blast, hoping to get a few more good ones in before the end of the season.

Completely agree about Paultons. At first glance, it seems a little out of the way and expensive for what may seem like just a few family coasters, but everything from the larger rides to the facilities and grounds are presented with a level of quality I've rarely seen in this country - at least in my limited experience. It's a lovely place to be and I'd be keen to return to after their next investment.
 
Alton Towers - 11th & 12th September 2023

5-10 years ago, an annual 2-day visit to the UK's biggest (and probably best) theme park was a family tradition. Last year we returned for the first time in many years, no longer restricted in visit dates by school commitments, and enjoyed it so much a return trip was planned. Photos are limited in this one because, frankly, I was having too much fun with my folks.

A 6am start afforded us a traffic-free run north, parking up around 9:15 and through the turnstiles for around 9:30. Figuring it would be one of the busier operating coasters, we joined the pre-queue for Wicker Man and (by pure chance) were treated to a back row ride shortly after 10. This is the true definition of a family thrill coaster - comfortably rideable for all of our varying ages and coaster tolerances, and the one we most enjoyed as a group. We managed three rides over our two days, all towards the back, and it was fantastic every time. I think I somehow forgot about this when crowning Storm Chaser last week; Big Bob is clearly in a league of his own.

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With no Skyride to help out, and all of us running on reduced sleep, we resolved to work area by area, and so headed off to Forbidden Valley, setting ourselves up neatly to slowly work our way back towards the front of the park by lunchtime. Galactica rode roughly how I remember, though I had two observations. Firstly, the ride looks and operates quite run-down; the station is shabby and it seems every other train needs to be rechecked, lowered then reraised, or abandoned altogether. Secondly, disembarking riders were thanked for flying with Air - I agree with the rumours of a refurbishment in time for the grand reopening of Nemesis, and would love to see a return of the Air theme.

Speaking of Nemesis, I really missed it this visit. Experiencing the park without it really highlights just how far ahead of everything else it was, so I'm really glad the work's going in to keep it going for decades to come. We amused ourselves instead with The Blade and Nemesis Sub-Terra, the former being exactly as you'd expect for a swinging ship, but the latter being a surprise hit. Though not a headliner attraction, it's a really immersive and well thought-out experience which definitely deserves one go each trip. I really appreciate how the staff demeanour changes throughout, from friendly tour guide to military operative to all-out panic - their performances were great on our visit.

Sub-Terra's reign as pleasant surprise of the day was short-lived, as The Curse At Alton Manor knocked all of our socks off. This ride is great - the fear level is about right for the park, it's brilliantly themed, and is overall a far better dark ride than its predecessor. It's one of those rides where you still notice new things even on repeated cycles. We all love bashing Merlin every now and then, but they smashed it with this one. Rides on Runaway Mine Train (where the ride op was less than impressed at my father's insistence at shouting "choo choo" as loud as possible each lap) and Congo River Rapids (hooray for the waterfalls!) led perfectly into our planned lunch at the Towers Street café. This was my first experience of the new Aramark food, and I have to agree with the masses - poor and very overpriced.

Spinball Whizzer was the first stop after lunch, expectedly dead at this time of day. With just 2 of us choosing to ride, we spun more than I can ever remember spinning on it - I now think it's less inferior to Dragon's Fury than I have previously given it credit for. Oblivion was much the same as always, a fantastic ride with one of my favourite drops of all time, but it's such a shame the faff of walking half a mile through the queue then stacking 3-deep on the brake run makes re-rides unappealing even on quiet days; why run 4 trains on 1 station?

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As the years have progressed, I've become the only family member with any desire to ride The Smiler, so a mostly-deserted single rider queue was perfect for obtaining 4 rides on it over the two days, cutting queues of 30 minutes each time. The coaster is easily the best in the park in the absence of Nemesis, the roughness is only a minor issue until the 12th inversion, and it's honestly a ride I consider the UK very lucky to have.

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We headed up to the back of the park and were fortunate to arrive just as Th13teen reopened from some downtime, snagging a ride just before 20 minutes' worth of people piled in behind us. It's fine, I wish the outdoor section was a bit more exciting, but it does its job. Rita was an unexpected bonus, it having been closed for several days prior to our visit. With it being only 3pm and the ride being walk-on, we waited 10 minutes for the front row. From this position, it's actually one of the better coaster rides you can have at Alton Towers and well worth an extra wait of 5-6 trains or so.

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We gave Gangsta Granny: The Ride a go as we were nearby, and felt as neutral towards it as we had last year. The ride just isn't exciting enough. I get that it's for kids, but I've always seen the Walliams books (having read the first few myself as a youngster) as being aimed around the 8-12 range. In other words, this ride is competing for the attention of kids who've recently gained access to the 1.2 and/or 1.4m rides. It needs to do more than move about a few screens and blast some smoke occasionally.

We did a couple of re-rides throughout the park, split briefly while I grabbed a couple on The Smiler, then called it a day. Turns out it is possible to do Towers in one 10-5 day, but only on off-peak weekdays with limited breaks and following a very disciplined route...

The next morning was a much wetter affair, which I would usually see as good news for crowds, but further discouragement for other guests is hardly needed on a September Tuesday. The day largely consisted of coaster and curse re-rides, a begrudging couple of rides on some of the temporary flat installations (Flavio's Fabulous Fandango, which actually fits in alright, and Funk 'n' Fly, which absolutely does not), and another disappointing lunch, before heading home early to get a headstart on the traffic. Two things of genuine note came out of the second day:

1. The entry and exit procedure was notably poor. We arrived to the news that the Monorail was down - sure, it happens. On the walk to the park, we noticed a number of groups trying their luck on the hotel entrance by Galactica, only to be turned away and told to walk the long way. This is one of those situations where clearly procedure must be followed, but I can think of no logical reason why when the monorail is down, it's raining, and it's a very quiet day (so it would hardly be overwhelmed), standard guests can't use this gate. Add the fact that roughly half the park opened late (it wasn't storming, just moderate rain), and I wouldn't have been pleased if I were a first-time visitor and this was my first impression.

2. I finally obtained a credit that has eluded me for many years! Octonauts Rollercoaster Adventure (#71) is a small, low-capacity coaster nestled within one of the most popular themed areas in the country, meaning I've never been able to justify waiting for it. My sister and I, both far too old to be there, proudly took our seats in the front row of an otherwise empty train and enjoyed what can only be described as a heavily sarcastic 2-lap cycle, ironically becoming one of my favourite memories of the trip.

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My signature tree with coaster in background photography returns.

So, Alton Towers - still as good as my childhood remembers? For the most part, yes. Nemesis was sorely missed, but the other coasters are still pretty good, and both The Curse and Sub-Terra were cool to get on for the first time. Operations were good and overall better than they "needed to be" for how quiet it was, despite the blip on the second morning. I do think Hex and the Skyride being closed all season is pretty rubbish, and obviously the Retrosquad continue to be an eyesore, but the park remains "special" to me (and no doubt to many others) and I'm already looking forward to my next visit, whenever that may be.
 
Drayton Manor - 7th October 2023

When initially planning trips to get back into this hobby, a first time at Drayton Manor was definitely on the list for the medium-term future. The recent announcement about "changes" to Shockwave pushed the park far higher up the priority list - it's bad enough that I missed Apocalypse, and I certainly wasn't going to risk it with Shockwave. And so, at 6am on a surprisingly warm October weekend, I embarked on the long and horrendously overpriced train journey to Tamworth.

I arrived a little before opening and found myself at what appeared to be a side/hotel entrance by the Viking area. Whether I took a wrong turn or this is the fate of all pedestrian arrivals is unclear to me, but no matter. As it was a quieter entrance, I was one of the first through when 10:30 hit, setting me up well to hit one of the lower-capacity family coasters before the rest of the crowds. I initially went for the powered coaster, but with the train still parked outside the station and maintenance still fiddling with it, I diverted instead to Accelerator (#72). This was my second family boomerang (having done my first only last month) and first of this specific layout. The theme here is... I don't really know? The queue rooms have some surprisingly good racing/random science stuff, only to let out into the most generic possible station and ride experience. Oh, and the track is green for no reason other than repainting not being in the retheme budget. To be fair, I shouldn't really comment about what could be seen when on-ride, as I was asked to remove my glasses and place them into my far less secure pocket just before departure, rendering me nearly blind to the experience - I guess this was my fault for assuming my strap wouldn't be needed on the smaller rides. The experience was fine in terms of force, though I think I enjoyed the more common "rebound" layout more.

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I guess there was some theming during the layout after all.

I didn't really know where to go next and ended up on Maelstrom, a fantastic Intamin frisbee which I think was my first of the type. With some of the Thorpe flats showing their age, this has to be up there among the best UK flat rides I've been on to date. It was also where my biggest concern for the day was alleviated, as while exiting the ride I saw a delayed first train of the day crest the lift of my main reason for visiting, making my next move obvious.

It's gutting that Shockwave (#73) seems doomed to face the conversion treatment, as I enjoyed it so much more than I expected to. The sheer novelty of inverting in a standing position just didn't seem to wear off for me, and the zero-g roll is ridiculous. It's not the smoothest, longest, or most interesting of layouts, but I found the trains less uncomfortable than I was expecting and overall thought the experience was something really unique and something that ought to be looked after with pride. With the wait never surpassing 2-3 trains (perhaps explaining why the changes are necessary), I managed 9 laps of the ride throughout the day, and could have got a couple more had I not had to leave slightly early for a train. Also, perhaps I was just lucky, but I found as a single rider in the main queue it wasn't too uncommon to be sent to fill an empty seat in the front row without having to wait in the dedicated queue, which was an added bonus.

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With all 4 coasters now operational, I set about ticking off the rest. Jormungandr (#74) is a powered coaster, a type which I personally choose to count but understand why others don't, though as I was waiting in the >30 minute queue I did think life might be easier if I chose not to count it. The lakeside setting makes this one, and though it's obviously nothing to write home about, I'm glad they kept it and vaguely themed it into the new area.

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I wasn't particularly looking forward to the wait for Troublesome Trucks Runaway Coaster (#75), not least when a sign on entry suggested it was 45 minutes, but it ended up much shorter than this. As an added win, I got called forward quite significantly due to a series of large families in front ("sorry kids, random adult coming through to ride ahead of you"). Though I'd written this off as a random kiddie coaster, it was actually a fair bit better than I'd expected. Don't judge a book and all that.

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For whatever reason, Storm Force 10 has always stuck out in my mind as a particularly iconic water ride, and so I made that my next stop. Recalling the warnings I'd read about the backwards drop, I was relieved to be placed in row 2, though surprised by how wet that section is even from this position. It's a great ride, well presented and fun.

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With plenty of time to spare, I also picked up a few other bits:
- Air Race - hadn't done one of these since 2015. This one was really fun.
- Thor - it was interesting to ride a newer Disk'O and compare to the older ones I've done recently. There's a definite difference; for one thing it really felt like there wasn't a "bad seat" on this one like there often seems to be. Everyone had at least one or two times going to the top.
- Sheriff Showdown - I watched a fair bit of TPW when I was younger and will admit part of my reason for riding this was to "get a bonus". Does this sound effect no longer play or was I just too rubbish to earn it? In any case, it was alright but nothing too exciting.

I'd have loved to do The Haunting as well, but it was completely closed off for unknown reasons. The River Rapids were also closed, but this was less of a loss as I don't really see the point in such rides on a solo trip.

It was about 3 at this point, and I had to leave at about 4:30. I took a break and drafted a few things I could do: check out the zoo, queue for a better ride on Accelerator, continue hopping around minor attractions, or just keep running around the unique major roller coaster that I may never get to ride (in its current form) again. I made my decision pretty quickly, achieving the majority of my aforementioned 9 cycles during this time.

So was Drayton Manor any good? Yeah, I'd say so. I had a pleasant day and there's enough to do to fill the time on a day with moderate crowds. The setting is certainly nice and classic, with everything around the central lake, operations were about as good as the hardware allowed, and staff were friendly. They're clearly pushing towards the family market now, and that's ok. The biggest weakness with this plan in my mind is that there's not any true family headliner to draw the crowds, more just a lot of "good" rides. As a result, there's not a whole lot I feel the need to return for any time soon, especially if Shockwave changes drastically. Hopefully next year's new coaster becomes this missing piece that makes future trips more appealing.
 
Blackpool Pleasure Beach - 13th April 2024
Because calling it "Pleasure Beach Resort" is rather like calling somewhere "theme park theme park".

A new season dawns, and with my first coaster-driven international trip under my belt, a visit to the most significant park in the UK not under the wizard's ownership felt long overdue. I'd have liked to visit here sooner, but the price and journey time of trains from the south east usually come out to slightly more than a short break in a European city of your choice, making it hard to justify. I was fortunate on this occasion to be able to combine it with a trip to the north of England to visit similarly interested friends, making the journey much more appealing.

It's been some time since BPB became a gated park, but its entrance still betrays the lack of traditional entrance amenities present in the park's original design. Wandering through a gift shop, it doesn't feel at all clear that you're going the right way into one of the country's most notable amusement parks until you arrive at a security checkpoint and set of turnstiles placed uncomfortably close together.

The entrance layout was far from the only confusing aspect of the park's operation. For some reason, the park only opens 10-5 on a Saturday at the tail end of Easter holidays, giving us a fairly narrow window to get everything done. This made it all the more frustrating when we discovered every major ride wasn't scheduled to operate until 10:30 meaning, having awoken at the crack of dawn and travelled in early to maximise our ride time, we got to spend a rather pointless 45 minutes watching test runs and trying not to think of the extra sleep we could have had if we'd known this would be the case.

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It was therefore with slightly diminishing excitement that we eventually boarded Icon (#84). This was easily the highest-rated coaster in the UK I'd yet to experience, so expectations were high. Perhaps this was a mistake, or perhaps the mid-train ride early in the day was, as I didn't initially understand the hype whatesoever. I knew not to expect my first Mack launch to be as powerful as what I've become used to, and the layout itself clearly had potential, but half the time it felt it'd be going faster if someone got out and gave us a push...

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Conversely, I'd previously heard much more mixed opinions about the Big One (#85). We opted for a back row on here, and perhaps controversially I found this to be far more fun (despite not being what I'd typically look for in a coaster) than our first ride on Icon. I'd never been on a ride of this scale that wasn't at least mostly smooth, so to be flung about a bit at such speed while traversing elements not ambitious enough to cause any notable pain was a novelty and felt really fitting for a "classic" coastal amusement park. It was a great shame that afternoon winds prevented further rides on here, though I'm aware this is a common issue and I should be grateful for being able to ride it at all.

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Next up was Revolution (#86), a simple yet intense shuttle coaster. I had assumed this would be rough and uninteresting, but was delighted to be proved wrong on both counts: it was a surprisingly comfortable experience and well worth the short wait. It's not exactly the most exciting and thrilling ride of yourrr life, but it's a solid part of the park's supporting lineup.

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Just around the corner was Steeplechase (#87), probably the strangest coaster I’ve done to date. I only did the yellow track as even at a 10 minute wait it didn’t seem worth multiple laps (it feels almost wrong that you can technically get 3 creds here). Objectively, this ride sucks; it’s unexciting, low capacity, and quite painful in the corners. Despite this, I’d be very sorry if it ever disappeared - the world needs more weird rides like this.

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We hit the kids’ area for rides on Blue Flyer (#88) and Nickelodeon Streak (#89), the former being even more tame than expected (though clearly preferable to an equivalent scale cloned steel ride) and the latter much better than expected, albeit with the wonkiest lift hill I've seen so far. A token ride was also taken on Avatar Airbender, my first Disk’O without the hump. I prefer the larger ones, but these have their own appeal too, the spinning feeling far stronger.

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Avalanche (#90) was our longest wait of the day. Like many coasters on our visit, a second train (which we saw parked up just after the station) would have helped a lot here. It's a short but fun coaster, making it a pity that these models are slowly becoming rarer. Nothing to write home about, but I’d have gladly gone again had ops been better. Big Dipper (#91) then became my third "oldest ever coaster" of the day, clocking in at nearly 101 years of age. This grants it something of a free pass in the comfort department, which it very much needs. Where many of the rougher coasters in Blackpool benefit from that "classic bumpy fairground ride" feeling, this one crossed the line into genuine discomfort for me. Though as before, I'd still take it over a generic equivalent.

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It was from one rough ride to the next, as just next door lay something of a rite of passage in my coaster journey: my first ride on an SLC. I really wanted to hate Infusion (#92), to finally feel able to share in the collective and very vocal hatred enthusiasts reserve for rides of this type. In this respect, it underdelivered on first impression - the second half was rough, but manageably so, and the first half was dangerously close to being a good coaster. It was so tolerable, we even returned for another ride at the end of the day, which I'm delighted to report turned out to be the single most vile coaster experience I've had to date. It seems this ride is so cruel it even pulled this inexperience rider into a false sense of security... and thus, order is restored.

We stopped by some dark rides on the way to our final coaster. Wallace & Gromit's Thrill-O-Matic was significantly better than expected; what I'd assumed would be a standard amusement park tier dark ride turned out to be one of the best in the country - bonus points for theming a ride around cheese. Ghost Train was also solid, though debate ensued in the queue as to whether the drop on this qualifies it as a coaster. I think not, but wouldn't begrudge anyone who disagrees.

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I was fairly impressed that, despite short hours and sub-optimal operations, we'd completed the creds by 3pm, concluding with Grand National (#93). Debate once again ensued, this time on how a Möbius should be counted. We rode both sides for good measure, which I'm counting as 1 coaster, though I don't necessarily think both have to be done to claim it. The ride itself is great, easily the best woodie in the park and a fun first racing coaster.

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This one curve of track was seemingly all I thought worth photographing for Grand National.

The rest of our time was taken up largely by re-rides, including two on the front row of Icon. Perhaps it had warmed up a lot, perhaps we were in a better mood, or perhaps the front really was much better, because something finally clicked. At (what felt like) greater speed, the ride was finally able to make use of its strong layout and, though I wouldn't go as far as to call it the nation's best, it's probably in the top 5 (that I've ridden).

Notably missing from the day were Sky Force (I'd have very much liked to try one of these, but they were closing it up when we got to it at around 4 - unclear if this was weather or a scheduled close, as some of the smaller rides also closed early) and Valhalla (however good it supposedly is, the temperature was too cold and our evening train journey too long to justify it - I'll be back to try it eventually).

Blackpool's a strange park. It's got some of the seafront atmosphere you'd expect, but feels slightly confused. You can't get in without paying entry, yet you're still required to scan your ticket at every ride. There's loads of old (and not-so-old) rough coasters, yet the country's smoothest thrill coaster is slapped in the middle. I'm very glad to have finally made the visit, and would recommend others do the same, but I can't say I'll be hurrying back for a few years. That is, of course, unless another Icon-level investment is made sooner.

TLDR - park's alright, 1. Icon, 2. Big One, 3. Revolution, 4. Grand National.
 
South Coastering - 20th April 2024

Buried quietly in the Southern Rail website is the DaySave ticket - a one-day rover granting unlimited off-peak travel on the Southern network. Though not having the best PR, they actually run a decent service along the south coast of England and, at £25 for the day, the ticket offers compelling value to those living in the London area looking to pick up some creds at the little seaside parks that aren't (of themselves) worth a dedicated visit.

Brighton Palace Pier
My first stop was in Brighton. I'd been here before on many a childhood day trip, but never done the rides. The pier's website boasted that rides would be open from 10am, but as I walked along the front at 10:30 it was pretty clear that none of the rides large enough to be seen from a distance had started yet. The reason for this became apparent when I arrived at the main coaster's entrance to find permanent-looking signage saying that due to "weather" they could only send trains with at least 10 people. There must have been about 10 people in the whole park at this point, so I asked at the ticket booth when they usually get enough demand to run the coasters. "Probably about midday". Mildly inconvenient but not disastrous, see you later.

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An hour passed as I toured the exotic sights of Brighton, including:
  • A very on-brand climate protest.
  • Possibly the least broken Guitar Hero arcade I've seen in some years (still very broken).
  • A pigeon being shooed out of a café.
When I arrived back at the pier, around 6 people were waiting outside Turbo (#94), and before long we'd reached the minimum ridership and were on. I wasn't really sure what to expect from my first thrill Pinfari, but what I got was actually quite decent. Some definite jolts in the transitions, but not so much as to ruin an otherwise enjoyable ride, with the fairly intense loop a clear highlight. Definitely something I'd have considered repeating had it not required another trip to my wallet.

The minimum ridership seemed even more ridiculous on Crazy Mouse (#95), where the 4-person cars were only being sent if full. Thankfully, within about 5 minutes of hanging around the entrance I was joined by a pair and another single rider. The advantage of forcing the cars to be full on a ride like this was that we got some really good spin in the second half. The disadvantage was that I was crammed somewhat awkwardly in between these two other groups. To my left was an enthusiastic young lad who spent the ride telling us how he'd waited all morning for people to ride this with but how he wasn't scared because he's been on Saw with his eyes closed. Good for you, pal.

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I'm sure the time of day didn't help, but I found Brighton Pier a bit underwhelming. Unlike some other coastal spots, there's a lot more to do in Brighton than the rides, which leads to the unusual situation where it's often quieter in the park than in the surrounding town. Throw in the fact that it's a tenner to do both of the creds, neither of which are exactly rocketing to the top of anyone's list, and it's one of the weaker places I've visited. Worth it for the one-off, though.

Harbour Park
Having spent longer than planned in Brighton, it was about 2 by the time I'd made it to this tiny fun park in Littlehampton. Instantly, this place (and Littlehampton in general) endeared itself to me far more than Brighton. There's only a handful of small rides, yet the park was signposted all through the town and had no trouble filling the train of its one coaster. It might be small, but Harbour Park was clearly the hub of the town on a sunny day in exactly the way these seaside amusements should be.

I was both proud and conflicted at how far down the shameless enthusiast path I'd travelled by visiting this town for the sole purpose of riding a wacky worm, but Ocean Coaster (#96) is something of a landmark in my count, as it's the first of this type that I've done. I sat at the back for that sweet airtime, from where it's easy to see why the layout is so cloned. It's simple and unintimidating, yet its target audience go mad for it. It's good at what it does and nothing more.

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Overall this is a nice spot offering very little of interest to me, but clearly a lot to the many other happy customers I saw.


Kidz Island
I hadn't paid attention to the specifics of what awaited me in Portsmouth and was both amused and mildly ashamed to discover that my next stop was for another wacky worm. South Parade Pier, on which Kidz Island is situated, is about a 40 minute walk from Portsmouth & Southsea station. The alternative was a 10 minute wait for a bus that would itself take half an hour. I figured as the destination was just a +1 I should at least do the town some justice and go on foot, even though I'm not completely unfamiliar with the area. This allowed me to see the exotic sights of Southsea, such as:
  • Two blokes with fantastic long grey hair carrying an amp from a house to a van.
  • Some sea, to the south.
  • Countless people with better priorities than me, rightly sat in beer gardens on this bright Saturday afternoon.
Riding Happy Caterpillar (#97) costs £3 plus a refundable £1 deposit on a "fun" card. The only obstacle to a group of one looking to ride just the coaster is that the ticket booths have a £5 card minimum; those who blew what little change they carry on a Guitar Hero machine in Brighton can find change machines accepting contactless in the neighbouring arcade. I felt awkward joining a parent and child as the only riders on the train (I guess there's a microclimate on this pier which avoids the need for a minimum ridership...) but needn't have worried. The operator gave me a knowing smile and offered suggestions on the most comfortable way to squeeze into the train, which led to a far more pleasant ride than the one I'd had along the coast.

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Clarence Pier
The final stop of the day was probably my favourite. The time of day probably helped, but it seemed to have the combination of the crowds and atmosphere as well as a couple of rides with appeal beyond adding a row to a spreadsheet. The park has an after 5pm deal comprising any 10 rides for £15, which is fair value considering a single ride on the two coasters alone will set you back 9, but after a long day and with a train home leaving in under an hour I decided to stick to the creds despite some decent-looking flats. Delightfully, ride tickets here come in the form of physical tokens instead of all that fun card nonsense. It's amazing how it's the little touches that add the most to the feel of a seafront amusement park like this.

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Tidal Wave (#98) was my first of probably many SBF spinners. I'd written this off as yet another insignificant kids' ride, so was shocked when it turned out to actually be good??? It's obviously nothing insane, but there's some noticeable force pulled in the back over the drop that was completely unexpected for a ride of this scale. This is a great small-footprint family coaster model, so I'm glad it's as cloned as it is.

Then you have Mad Mouse (#99), an example of a model presumably born of a time when SBF sat next to Pinfari in an exam. The cars have a bemusing design, with a seatbelt coming over both shoulders and a lab bar which itself has a seatbelt. Thus, to send a car with just me required three different types of restraint to be checked. Fortunately, I don't think this layout would have produced much air even with a less restrictive harness, so this wasn't a huge loss. Indeed, for one of the larger rides of the day, it was quite underwhelming, the helix and view of the sea being the only saving graces of an otherwise boring ride.

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It may not appear very impressive in terms of rides experienced, but this day was a great little adventure. Not only did I get the creds I was after, I had the chance to explore three very different coastal areas, satisfy the mild train geek in me by spending about 6 hours on them, and try some smaller coaster models I've seen much about but which haven't been present at the larger parks I've been prioritising so far. With the right expectations, I'd recommend it as a day out. It also got me to 99 coasters, so I suppose unless anything huge comes up I'll be keeping myself occupied at the home parks until late May...
 
...or late June, as the case may be.

Thorpe Park - 22nd June 2024

I've yet to write about Thorpe Park here, but being vaguely local I'd estimate I've done about 10 visits since returning to parks a year ago (and I dread to think how many in my teen years). My first ever visit was in 2012, so for my entire theme park career the place has had 5 "big" coasters, which has made the construction of their sixth feel surreal, though I guess that's how it goes sometimes... you wait years for a new coaster at your local parks and then 2 come along (almost) at once.

Visiting Thorpe on a day where Hyperia was working and I wasn't had proved challenging, and this was my last chance to make it the big number 100 before another heading off on a different trip. Despite its valley 3 days previously, the park seemed fairly positive about it opening, albeit on 1 train, which was enough to convince me to catch a train over. I arrived shortly after 9 to see the crowds around the containment gates already forming, and while I'm not usually one for the whole "running when the park gates open" thing it felt necessary given the forewarned reduced capacity, so I borderline sprinted from the Vortex gate when it opened and ended up among the first 10 people to enter the main queue. To no one's surprise, we found the ride some way off being ready to open, but eventually our patience was rewarded when it started testing around 10:45, and I took my place on the first train at around 11:15.

Hyperia (#100) is a ride unlike anything I have experienced in my (admittedly modest) history riding coasters. I'm not sure I'd ever been as excited for a ride as I was climbing its lift, and from the moment we left the chain it delivered on all my expectations. The first drop is simply ridiculous - it's as if the park were offered all the possible variants of drop (tall, beyond vertical, twisted...) and responded simply with "yes". Indeed, perhaps my only complaint about the drop is that in the time I took to regain my senses I completely missed most of the immelmann, though its force was felt. Then comes the overbank/inversion thing, which I need a better name for because it's easily my answer to the best coaster element I've ever experienced. The stall - the first I've ever done - probably comes a close second, its positioning over the front of the queue being absolutely perfect for looking up at those already onboard dangling upside down.

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It's a shame that this is almost where the ride ends, and indeed length is Hyperia's greatest weakness. I can't help but feel like I'm essentially riding three to four really good coaster elements as opposed to one complete coaster, though those few elements are still enough make the ride unquestionably the best in the UK. The only coaster in my own count (at time of riding) of comparable quality is Taron, on which I'm torn. Hyperia has the higher high points for sure, but I think the overall package of Taron probably takes it. Depends what kind of mood I'm in I suppose.

I managed 2 further rides on Hyperia during my visit, both (I thought) helped by the single rider queue, which took around 90 minutes each time, though just before reaching the front for my final ride I learned from a group in the main queue that the 2.5 hour standby wait was also around 90 in reality. Fair play to the ride ops for keeping it moving so well on one train, I guess. With the park open until 7, there would have been time for one more, but a disastrous decision to do Saw single rider in between rides 2 and 3 combined with the generally long day made another long wait feel like too much effort for a coaster I can (provided it becomes more reliable) pop in and do any time.

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Reflecting on hitting my first major count milestone, riding the coaster that most convinced me to return to the hobby, and being back in the game for about a year, I'm really glad to have returned at a genuinely exciting time both locally and in the wider industry. I never planned to try and reach any specific count or do any specific coaster, but there was something really satisfying about hitting triple digits at a home park on the largest coaster I'd ever been on - here's to the next 100!
 
Legoland Windsor - 4th August 2024

Despite living relatively close, I had no real intentions of hitting the new coasters at Legoland this year, and certainly not on a warm summer holiday weekend. The journey by public transport seemed too long and convoluted for a park which realistically only had enough to amuse me for half a day, and as I’m hoping to get a car in the near(ish) future it seemed better to wait until then.

My hand was forced slightly when I arrived for what I'd planned to be a day at Thorpe Park to find a massive sign saying, contrary to guidance on the website, Hyperia would be closed all day. Having done a full park trip with a friend the weekend before, this scuppered me a bit; I'd only really bothered going again to spend the day making heavy use of the Hyperia single rider queue. I managed a couple of other rides as the crowds slowly grew, but it soon became clear I wasn’t getting much out of waiting upwards of an hour for stuff I’ve done dozens of times and as recently as a week prior, so I started exploring options.

Thorpe Park to Legoland by public transport wasn’t something I’d ever considered, but is more doable than I first thought, even in the middle of the day on a Sunday. I caught the first Staines-bound 950 of the day at 13:00, the 13:30 train to Windsor & Eton Riverside, then a 703 bus straight to the park entrance, getting me through the gates by 14:30. Not the most efficient way to cover 10 miles, and I wouldn't necessarily recommend planning to do it, but it probably ended up being the right decision for me in that moment. That said, I'm now feeling strangely compelled to document an attempt to visit all three southern Merlin parks by public transport in a single day... watch this space.

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The route offers a whole five minutes to explore Windsor town centre.

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The only thing that hit the nostalgia more than this view was the little men holding the letters on the road in.

With only a few hours left in the day, it was straight to business. Minifigure Speedway - Legends (#121) and Minifigure Speedway - Allstars (#122) are fairly unique, being a duelling pair of shuttle Zierer Force models, but the ride experience is largely what you’d expect for coasters of their size and type. They’re good family coasters with a decent quirk to make things more interesting, but nothing more. Fortunately, despite initially advertised as an hour, my two laps took about 20 minutes each.

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I’m a bit torn on the presentation though. I appreciate the big statue and billboard, which are both arguably more than they “needed” to do, but I also can’t help but feel the whole area feels a bit… cheap? The 2D artwork in the queue had already been scratched away in places and there’s not much else to look at - the area is all just slightly ugly. I'm also not a huge fan of how (based on my visit) you aren’t able to choose your track. I got lucky by getting different sides on each lap without having to ask, but I don’t know how sympathetic they would have been if I'd had to.

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Having not been to the park since about 2012, there were a number of other new-to-me things to do. I couldn’t bring myself to wait 30 mins for the relatively new kiddie coaster, so instead headed for my most anticipated non-coaster of the park. Flight of the Sky Lion is the UK’s only flying theatre and became my first experience of such a ride since a single cycle on Soarin’ many years ago. The ride’s entrance is spectacular, easily among the best in the country, though this was soon spoiled by an hour-long slog in its minimum effort, hot, and cramped queue line. I don’t think I’ve ever gone from hyped to thoroughly disappointed so quickly. The ride itself is pretty good for what it is, one of the best in the park but that’s not saying a great deal. It's a bit rubbish that even from the middle row the top of the screen is visible when looking straight ahead, but I guess that’s a hazard of the model. Glad to have done it, won’t wait that long again.

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For nostalgia alone, a ride on The Dragon was a must. Either this or Apprentice was my first ever credit circa 2006, and it’s a great little ride. I’d forgotten how good the indoor section and second outdoor drop were. It has a touch of jank, but this just adds to the charm.

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Bus timings home dictated a firm stop at 6, leaving just enough time to do Haunted House Monster Party. Not loads to say about this one, it’s a reasonably well themed madhouse (despite lacking much of a story) but once you’ve done one you’ve done them all. The various sound effects coming from my fellow riders suggested most of them were genuinely surprised by the illusion, so it seems to be doing its job.

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Not visible in this shot - the very noticeable wall the budget didn't cover a facade for.

Overall thoughts - it was kind of as expected really, a good park for which I’m a bad judge. From a first visit in over 10 years, the place seems as popular and ideal for its target audience as I remember it. Throughout the afternoon, I saw countless kids enjoying a theme park for the first time at the exact same place I did nearly two decades ago, which put a smile on my face far more than any generic junior attraction ever could. Some decent stuff has gone in over the past few years, which has definitely helped with its ever-increasing gate figure. With the Duplo cred and Ninjago dark ride still up for grabs, I could see myself back here in the not-too-distant future, but as a general rule I’ll be sticking to the hyper up the road.
 
Great report @Burniel! I'm impressed that you managed to get 5 rides in in 3.5 hours at Legoland; when I went in June, I only managed 6 with about 2 extra hours in the park!

I also have to agree with Thorpe and Legoland being quite easy to get between on public transport. I did a trip containing both parks back in June, and I did it the opposite way around to you; I started with Legoland, and worked my way to Thorpe Park. I thought it was easy and worked very well; coming from Bristol Parkway and the GWR rail network, I liked that I didn't have to enter London to get to/from either park or between the two parks! I could get to Windsor & Eton Central by changing at Reading, I got to Staines from Windsor & Eton Riverside, and then I went from Staines back to Reading to go home.

I'm interested to hear how you manage to do all three London parks in one day, though, as Chessington seems like a right pain to get to on the train compared to the other two...
 
I'm interested to hear how you manage to do all three London parks in one day, though, as Chessington seems like a right pain to get to on the train compared to the other two...
Completely forgot I did this a month ago and left the report in draft. So wonder no more!

3 Merlin parks by public transport - 1st September 2024

With the calendar quickly filling up for the final couple of months of the season, I wasn't sure whether I’d get around to testing this ridiculous idea. But an opening came up one Sunday as social plans earlier in the week rendered me less exhausted than expected (in other words, I managed a rare showing of restraint at the bar the night before). Sunday timetables and scheduled engineering works were sure to wreck my chances of doing it in an optimal time, but it seemed uncertain whether I'd have another chance to do this before Halloween, so underslept and underplanned though I was, off I went to try to ride a coaster at all 3 southern Merlin parks in 1 day using only public transport.

The day began with a relaxed wake up call ahead of a 9:30 arrival at Chessington, my closest of the three. Much could be said about this choice of starting line. Undoubtedly, the most efficient route starts by rope-dropping Legoland (the only park without single rider available), hits Thorpe Park at lunchtime (the only time of day when the shuttle buses run in both directions), and finishes with CWOA. It also probably takes place on a quiet weekday. But given the circumstances, the fact that Lego would have required a 6:30am start, and it making sense to finish at the best and latest-closing park, I opted for the inefficient Chessington -> Legoland -> Thorpe route.

With public transport arriving at the quieter Lodge entrance, I'd assumed 9:30 would be sufficient for my arrival at Chessington, but the 100+ people already ahead of me in the turnstile queues made my plan of being in and out in under half an hour seem at risk. Gates opened at 9:50 and I hot-footed it straight to Vampire, behind about 3-4 trains of people where, in an example of customer service the likes of which I haven’t seen from my local park in years, the ride started accepting passengers a whole 6 minutes early. Result! The queue gleefully watched one whole train complete its lap before the ride immediately went down. The usual spiel plays… “engineering and management are on their way”… I don’t have time for this.

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I like to think the ride went on strike because its contract stated it wouldn't accept public riders until 10am

And so, though an incorrect move in any other situation, I immediately abandoned my desirable place near the front of a now hour-long queue for one of the park’s better rides in favour of my far less enjoyable back-up plan. While it’s an inferior ride, Rattlesnake never has a queue before 10:30 as the park scatters to the big 3, making it a safe bet for a quick hit. Frankly, I’d have gone straight there at opening if not for the fact I’d be completely snookered if it didn’t open on time. But with park app confirming it had indeed opened, I marched over and… success! Ride obtained within 5 minutes and off I went to confuse the staff at the crowded entrance by asking to leave at 10:15.

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No handstamp thanks, that's me done for the day.

Usually, the route from Chessington to Legoland would be an easy choice: head towards London, change to the Windsor line at Clapham Junction, and grab a bus from Windsor & Eton Riverside. But engineering works meant this would take longer than usual, causing Google Maps to at some times of day recommend many a questionable set of bus connections to try and better the circuitous train journey. But with my speedy ride on Rattlesnake allowing me to catch the 10:39 out of Chessington South as hoped, I opted for the relative security of the rails. The journey went as planned, and I made it to Windsor at 12:20. This left a relaxed connection onto a 702 bus at 12:47, though I nearly missed it by going for a walk about town (being a London-Windsor "express", the 702 seems to be generously timetabled for traffic and will think nothing of departing major stops early).

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The SWR posters at major stations have a surprisingly accurate depiction of Hyperia.

It was 1:05, nearly three hours since leaving Chessington, that I walked into Legoland for the second time in both the past month and the past ten years. No plan of action here other than “whichever has the shortest queue”, but as luck would have it that was Minifigure Speedway. Some 30 minutes later (a shorter wait than I'd feared), I found myself on the back row of the Allstars train. My opinion on these is the same as when I first rode them: while they fit the park well, they really aren’t anything to write home about and the tacky presentation reeks of modern day Merlin.

No time for any more enjoyment of the area, as I marched straight back up the hill in search of the park exit. Legoland to Thorpe is generally easy enough - a short train journey with bus connections either side - but at this time on a Sunday the infrequency of local buses at both ends makes life a bit harder. My limited planning had identified a relatively painless route to Thorpe provided I could get back to Windsor & Eton Riverside by 2:34, and I'd anticipated three possible outcomes surrounding this:
- By some miracle, be in and out of Legoland within 25 minutes and catch the same 702 back to Windsor on its return journey, arriving in plenty of time for the desired train.
- Miss the 702, but still leave the park with enough time (and energy) to make the 3.2 mile journey to the train station on foot.
- Accept that the 2:34 can’t be done due to the misalignment of trains and buses, stay in Legoland longer than necessary, and face a 1 hour delay in getting to Thorpe Park.

With option 1 unsurprisingly off the table, I decided to attempt to walk/run it. I’m a fast walker, and regularly do such distances for fun, so with 50 minutes in hand it seemed possible without having to shamelessly sprint through town. It was becoming a hot day, but I had reserve snacks, plenty of water with me, and no desire to spend any longer in a busy kids’ park I’d already visited recently.

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Leaving Legoland on foot allows you to fulfil a childhood dream by getting as close as you like to the Lego letters.

Did I come to regret this decision? Absolutely. Does a 3-mile walk being the quickest option kind of disprove my point about the challenge being possible solely by public transport? Probably. But 50 minutes of power walking and intense questioning of life choices later, I narrowly caught my desired train, where I made quick work of my remaining food on the short run over to Staines.

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During the morning, a regular 950 express bus operates between Staines railway station and Thorpe Park. Bright blue, overpriced, and invariably crammed with more people than it should be allowed to carry, it’s an essential part of the Thorpe Park experience for any non-driving visitor. Beyond about 1pm, however, guests are left to their own devices, and thus I found myself walking over to the bus station in search of an alternate ride. My target was the 446, which offers an hourly Sunday service between Heathrow and Woking, including a stop on the main road just by the Thorpe Park roundabout. This connection was why the 2:34 train at Windsor was so crucial, as it set me up perfectly for the 3pm 446 from Staines.

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Made it! And even at this time, there's a security queue.

I wouldn’t go as far as to say proud, but there was a definite feeling of satisfaction upon entering Thorpe Park. I was 5 hours of travel and miles of walking worse for wear with only 2 family coasters to show for it, but I'd arrived at the final park about as quickly as my most optimistic plan had estimated, passing the Thorpe turnstiles 5 hours and 25 minutes after scanning in at Lodge Gate that morning. Time to complete this ridiculous endeavour by snagging a ride on the UK's best roller coaster.

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Oh you HAVE to be kidding me...

In a turn of luck that felt almost personal, Saw was also temporarily down, rendering both major coasters offering single rider unavailable. I suppose I could technically have gone for Flying Fish or The Walking Dead if I wanted the best possible finishing time, but that felt wrong somehow. Trapped among the late summer queues, inflated due to reduced availability, I eventually opted for the 1 hour wait for Nemesis Inferno. For some reason, though I ride it countless times a season, this coaster always either over- or under-delivers for me. Perhaps aided by the hot day, and my own general rundown state, my ride in the penultimate row felt especially forceful on this occasion. A very welcome change after a mere wild mouse and off-brand family boomerang.

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Oh look, it's back open now. Maybe I should have missed that train in Windsor.

With the challenge now fully complete, I doubled back for a compulsory lap on the now-reopened Hyperia. Unsurprisingly after downtime, the single rider queue was almost full, though still just about quicker than main. I waited about an hour and got assigned row 6 (I've done somewhere between 10 and 15 rides on here and pretty sure I've now been given every row besides the back). The ride was incredible as always, but the intensity definitely killed what little energy I had left. A quick glance at the app suggested, despite it now approaching 6pm, I'd still be looking at another 45 minute wait for anything worth doing, so I binned the final hour off. It felt foolish to call the day quits after doing so few rides, but I'd got what I came for and had yet another diverted train ride home still to come.

The final result, including my first coaster at Thorpe, was 6 hours and 37 minutes (take notes, Guinness) - so if you want to try and do the same, there's the time to beat. Would I recommend it? Meh. At the end of the day, it's a travel challenge that happens to involve theme parks; if that appeals to you, maybe give it a go (though perhaps not on a Sunday). Personally, I spent my time at Chessington and Legoland stressed about upcoming connections and was too knackered to properly enjoy Thorpe, so a nerdy interest in the transport and the thrill of doing it as a "challenge" were the only real sources of entertainment. I probably enjoyed it more than a trip to any of the parks individually, having done them all at least once already this season, but I won't rush to repeat it.

09:30ish: arrive at CWOA
09:50: gates open, fast-walk to Vampire
09:55: Vampire opens early!
10:02: Vampire confirmed down
10:10: Rattlesnake ridden, 1/3 parks complete
10:18: depart CWOA, walk to Chessington South
10:39-11:06: Chessington South -> Clapham Junction
11:24-12:20: Clapham Junction -> Windsor & Eton Riverside
12:45-13:02: Theatre Royal (Windsor) -> Legoland Main Entrance
13:05: enter Legoland, head for Minifigure Speedway
13:39: Minifigure Speedway ridden, 2/3 parks complete
13:45: exit Legoland
13:45-14:32: Legoland Main Entrance -> Windsor & Eton Riverside [on foot]
14:34-14:45: Windsor & Eton Riverside -> Staines
14:59-15:08: Staines Bus Station -> Thorpe Park Roundabout
15:15: enter Thorpe Park, head for Hyperia
15:30: ditch Hyperia and Saw, enter Nemesis Inferno
16:27: Nemesis Inferno ridden, 3/3 parks complete

Costs (all train tickets off-peak singles with 1/3 railcard discount applied):
Chessington South to Windsor & Eton Riverside (SWR): £4.65
Bus 702 to Legoland (single): £2.00
Windsor & Eton Riverside to Staines (SWR): £2.20
Bus 446 to Thorpe Park: £2.60

Total - £11.45
(+ £9.50 in travel getting to/from the start/finish line = £20.95)

Honestly not too expensive considering how many hours of travel this came to. £3.80 one-way for the 950 home from Thorpe Park is exploitative though.
 
For the transport geek in me, that sounds like an epic day @Burniel! Doing something like that would give me an odd sense of satisfaction…

I’m staggered, however, that you managed to walk from Legoland Windsor’s entrance to Windsor & Eton Riverside in 48 minutes… when I went as a non-driver to Legoland, I purposely vetoed walking because Maps’ best estimates reckoned that the walk between Legoland’s front entrance (as in The Beginning rather than the road entrance to the park) and Windsor & Eton Riverside was 1h 15m, and that was sending you through the park itself and through forbidden staff only areas! I’m a fast walker myself and will easily wipe a good few minutes off Maps’ ETA on a typical walk (the ostensibly 42 minute walk between Wilnecote station and Drayton Manor, for example, took me more like 30-35 minutes), but even I can’t imagine doing a “1h 15m+ on Maps” walk in 48 minutes… how fast were you going?

Your comments about the 950 take me back as well… even on the term time June Monday when I rode it, that bus was rammed beyond belief to the point of arguably almost being a safety hazard. I did get the bus ride there for free, though, as the card machine was broken and the bus driver just waved us all on…
 
Thanks! I definitely have fonder memories looking back on it than I did at the time, though an odd sense of satisfaction is a good way of describing the feeling of arriving at park #3.

I can’t imagine doing a “1h 15m+ on Maps” walk in 48 minutes… how fast were you going?
About 4mph I guess :p Pre-pandemic I used to work somewhere a similar distance away, so to avoid getting buses and arriving at awkward times, I would sometimes walk it and time how long it took. I soon got competitive with myself and before I knew it I'd got my time down from about an hour to just under 50 minutes. Earphones and the right music is a game changer!
 
3 Merlin parks by public transport - 1st September 2024

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The coveted badge for ‘most sadistic theme park day of the year’ has been well and truly earned.
 
Why would you do this, sounds like a terrible idea by car, let alone public transport 🤣

Just because you could, doesn't mean you should.
 
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