Re: California and Vegas Pt 7: Six Flags Discovery Kingdom
The next day was a Saturday, which clearly isn’t ideal for a theme park visit, especially in the summer. I’d avoided going to any parks at weekends up until this point, but there really wasn’t much of an option.
California’s Great America
Getting to the park was, again, fairly straightforward. There are actually quite a few public transport options, which is good, but a little confusing deciding which one would be better. I ended taking a bus to San Jose and connecting to the tram system there, again taking about 2 hours to get to the park. Heading back later I took a regular train from nearby the park which connected with the San Francisco Metro and was a bit quicker, but a lot more expensive.
Anyway, onto the park.
It looked nice enough at first, but I absolutely **** ing HATED this place. HA. TED. IT! Just the thought of it now and I’m ready to go on a killing spree. Just looking at the pictures makes me feel like Jennifer Aniston looking at pictures of Angelina Jolie’s wedding dress.
First up, Goldstriker was down. No information on the website regarding this, and no signs out at the park entrance letting people know either.
I thought that maybe it would be open later in the day, and when I asked at guest services a few hours later, trying to decide if I wanted to hang around, they “weren’t sure”. It turns out the thing was closed for pretty much all of August because of a broken chain or something. Other park guests told me this. I wouldn’t expect guest services to go into detail, but just say, “No, it won’t be opening today,” instead of outright lying to guests that it might be. Guest services was very busy with people complaining, not just about Goldstriker and the lack of information, but about the sh**tiness of the park in general.
The first coaster I rode was Flight Deck, an old B&M invert which was actually pretty good with some old-school B&M forces going on. It was really short though. I’m talking Peter Dinklage’s trousers kind of short.
I can’t be f**ked to look it up on rcdb since the longer I spend writing about this park the stronger my desire to set myself on fire becomes, but it surely has to be the shortest of the B&M inverts.
Operations were **** ing shocking as well. They were running two trains, but they might as well have not been bothering since the second train was left sitting on the brake run for ages every time. I timed it and they were getting a train out once every 5 minutes. That’s Happy Valley levels of ineptitude.
They had a B&M stand-up, Vortex.
It’s the worst stand-up I’ve ever done, and that’s including that piece of s**t Togo in Kings Dominion. Worst B&M ever.
This was also being run in an identical manner as Flight Deck: as if it was being run by blind, retarded five-year-olds.
Rapids. Crap.
Top Spin. Didn’t do. Clearly crap.
Enterprise. Didn’t do. Clearly crap.
Log flume. Actually ok. Well the double down drop anyway. Otherwise an uninspired piece if crap.
Inverting pirate ship thing. Crap.
Kiddy cred. Crap.
Centifuge. Looks different; actually just a **** ing scrambler. Crap.
Psycho Mouse. First Arrow mouse I’ve done. Crap.
Intamin drop tower. I love these, but won’t wait 90 **** ing minutes to get on one. Crap.
Extended Disko. No thanks. Crap.
As expected, the park was busy, especially so since they had some kind of music concert on later that evening and a lot of people were there for that. It’s my fault that I hadn’t checked stuff like that out, as I would’ve likely switched around this park and Six Flags if I’d known.
Having said that, there was absolutely no excuse for them to be running the park so poorly. The queues, despite the park being busy, weren’t actually that long. Flight Deck, for example, if it was at a park who gave a flying f**k, and/or was operated by staff trying to move at least slightly faster than a quadriplegic tortoise, should have had a 20 minute queue based on the number of people and what a B&M invert on two trains should be pushing out. It was 45 minutes to an hour.
Another piss-take in this regard was Grizzly.
The line extended out pretty far, but there were no cattle pens, so there weren't actually all that many people. The line seemed to barely move and it took over an hour to get on the thing. Again, they had two trains. Again, they may as well have not **** ing bothered since loading and unloading was so ridiculously slow. They weren’t even opening the air gates to load the empty train until the other one was back on the final brake run. Absolutely inexcusable.
To add insult to injury, it was f**king s**t. It did absolutely nothing. I have no idea if this is the same ride as Grizzly at Kings Dominion, but I remember actually enjoying that ride. This thing was absolute turd though.
Crappy family/kiddy coaster was crap.
Pictures of stuff I didn’t do:
The last coaster of the day was the biggest piss take. Demon had a 90 minute wait to ride a crappy Arrow loopscrew. They were only running one train which was just **** ing ridiculous. Add in the heat and the fact that there’s no shade in the queue line, and it was probably the single worst overall coaster experience I’ve ever had.
It says it all when you’ve got teenagers in the queue saying, “Dad, why did we have to come here?” No exaggeration, but pretty much everybody in any of the queues throughout the day were thoroughly pissed off and complaining non-stop, and they were f**king right to. “Well, kids, this is why we usually go to Six Flags,” summed it up perfectly.
It is the WORST major park I’ve ever been to in pretty much every aspect. The ride selection is s**t, they run the place like s**t, the ride-ops don’t give a s**t, and the staff at guest relations are lying pieces of s**t.
On the way out of the park I could hear the sound check for the concert that evening. Who were all these people here to see?
Cher. F**king. Lloyd. I s**t you not.
I don’t think even Goldstriker running could have saved this place from being the seeping genital wart on the already syphilitic piss-flap that is Cedar Fair.
I went out that night, got battered with a bunch of drag queens, woke up ridiculously late on the Sunday and figured I should at least see the Golden Gate Bridge before I left the next morning. I’m glad I did because it is actually really impressive. I got a bus from near the hotel that went across the bay and up to the famous viewing area, then walked back down and across before jumping on a bus back to the hotel.
San Francisco. Done.
Next, and final, part of the report: Las Vegas
The next day was a Saturday, which clearly isn’t ideal for a theme park visit, especially in the summer. I’d avoided going to any parks at weekends up until this point, but there really wasn’t much of an option.
California’s Great America
Getting to the park was, again, fairly straightforward. There are actually quite a few public transport options, which is good, but a little confusing deciding which one would be better. I ended taking a bus to San Jose and connecting to the tram system there, again taking about 2 hours to get to the park. Heading back later I took a regular train from nearby the park which connected with the San Francisco Metro and was a bit quicker, but a lot more expensive.
Anyway, onto the park.
It looked nice enough at first, but I absolutely **** ing HATED this place. HA. TED. IT! Just the thought of it now and I’m ready to go on a killing spree. Just looking at the pictures makes me feel like Jennifer Aniston looking at pictures of Angelina Jolie’s wedding dress.
First up, Goldstriker was down. No information on the website regarding this, and no signs out at the park entrance letting people know either.
I thought that maybe it would be open later in the day, and when I asked at guest services a few hours later, trying to decide if I wanted to hang around, they “weren’t sure”. It turns out the thing was closed for pretty much all of August because of a broken chain or something. Other park guests told me this. I wouldn’t expect guest services to go into detail, but just say, “No, it won’t be opening today,” instead of outright lying to guests that it might be. Guest services was very busy with people complaining, not just about Goldstriker and the lack of information, but about the sh**tiness of the park in general.
The first coaster I rode was Flight Deck, an old B&M invert which was actually pretty good with some old-school B&M forces going on. It was really short though. I’m talking Peter Dinklage’s trousers kind of short.
I can’t be f**ked to look it up on rcdb since the longer I spend writing about this park the stronger my desire to set myself on fire becomes, but it surely has to be the shortest of the B&M inverts.
Operations were **** ing shocking as well. They were running two trains, but they might as well have not been bothering since the second train was left sitting on the brake run for ages every time. I timed it and they were getting a train out once every 5 minutes. That’s Happy Valley levels of ineptitude.
They had a B&M stand-up, Vortex.
It’s the worst stand-up I’ve ever done, and that’s including that piece of s**t Togo in Kings Dominion. Worst B&M ever.
This was also being run in an identical manner as Flight Deck: as if it was being run by blind, retarded five-year-olds.
Rapids. Crap.
Top Spin. Didn’t do. Clearly crap.
Enterprise. Didn’t do. Clearly crap.
Log flume. Actually ok. Well the double down drop anyway. Otherwise an uninspired piece if crap.
Inverting pirate ship thing. Crap.
Kiddy cred. Crap.
Centifuge. Looks different; actually just a **** ing scrambler. Crap.
Psycho Mouse. First Arrow mouse I’ve done. Crap.
Intamin drop tower. I love these, but won’t wait 90 **** ing minutes to get on one. Crap.
Extended Disko. No thanks. Crap.
As expected, the park was busy, especially so since they had some kind of music concert on later that evening and a lot of people were there for that. It’s my fault that I hadn’t checked stuff like that out, as I would’ve likely switched around this park and Six Flags if I’d known.
Having said that, there was absolutely no excuse for them to be running the park so poorly. The queues, despite the park being busy, weren’t actually that long. Flight Deck, for example, if it was at a park who gave a flying f**k, and/or was operated by staff trying to move at least slightly faster than a quadriplegic tortoise, should have had a 20 minute queue based on the number of people and what a B&M invert on two trains should be pushing out. It was 45 minutes to an hour.
Another piss-take in this regard was Grizzly.
The line extended out pretty far, but there were no cattle pens, so there weren't actually all that many people. The line seemed to barely move and it took over an hour to get on the thing. Again, they had two trains. Again, they may as well have not **** ing bothered since loading and unloading was so ridiculously slow. They weren’t even opening the air gates to load the empty train until the other one was back on the final brake run. Absolutely inexcusable.
To add insult to injury, it was f**king s**t. It did absolutely nothing. I have no idea if this is the same ride as Grizzly at Kings Dominion, but I remember actually enjoying that ride. This thing was absolute turd though.
Crappy family/kiddy coaster was crap.
Pictures of stuff I didn’t do:
The last coaster of the day was the biggest piss take. Demon had a 90 minute wait to ride a crappy Arrow loopscrew. They were only running one train which was just **** ing ridiculous. Add in the heat and the fact that there’s no shade in the queue line, and it was probably the single worst overall coaster experience I’ve ever had.
It says it all when you’ve got teenagers in the queue saying, “Dad, why did we have to come here?” No exaggeration, but pretty much everybody in any of the queues throughout the day were thoroughly pissed off and complaining non-stop, and they were f**king right to. “Well, kids, this is why we usually go to Six Flags,” summed it up perfectly.
It is the WORST major park I’ve ever been to in pretty much every aspect. The ride selection is s**t, they run the place like s**t, the ride-ops don’t give a s**t, and the staff at guest relations are lying pieces of s**t.
On the way out of the park I could hear the sound check for the concert that evening. Who were all these people here to see?
Cher. F**king. Lloyd. I s**t you not.
I don’t think even Goldstriker running could have saved this place from being the seeping genital wart on the already syphilitic piss-flap that is Cedar Fair.
I went out that night, got battered with a bunch of drag queens, woke up ridiculously late on the Sunday and figured I should at least see the Golden Gate Bridge before I left the next morning. I’m glad I did because it is actually really impressive. I got a bus from near the hotel that went across the bay and up to the famous viewing area, then walked back down and across before jumping on a bus back to the hotel.
San Francisco. Done.
Next, and final, part of the report: Las Vegas
