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The Kingdom Of Thrills & Downhills

kayleigh coston

Roller Poster
Chapter 1: Pleasure*Crap* Hills
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Wipeout is the only good ride I’ve been on all day.
No roughness or queues. The second part of this ride is nuts. Going backwards down the lift hill & into the inversions backwards was insane
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Marble Madness is a labyrinth of pain. Every sharp turn is a rough edge. The brake trims don’t help matters. The only decent thing with this cred is the little drops which are average anyway
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Egg-spress wasn’t egg-cellent. Surprisingly fast for a small coaster. Its age truly showed. The floor of the trains vibrated as it went through the layout. Halfway through the ride, I had to duck my head due to how close the upper end of track was to me.
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Cannonball Express was closed. From what I heard, the thing seems to have broken down

Water Fun Factory is the only non coaster ride i went on. I was hoping to sit on the backseat of the boat due to being a single rider. Annoying I had to sit behind 2 strangers which was quite tight. On the second drop because of how close together we all were, I accidentally got head butted by one of them

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As for food £12.75 I paid for a burger meal which tasted good but was overall average.

I gave the other rides a miss due to the poor weather that ruined my visit completely. At this point I had enough and just wanted to leave. Even the sea lion enclosure was closed
£24 is a bit much for a small ride selection
Aside from that, this park really needs a big turnaround. A few structures looked run down. The ride selection is tiny and there’s only 2 main places to get food.

No theming at all around many of the rides. This is the worst theme park I’ve ever been to. Let’s just say I won’t be coming back


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Hi everyone
I’ve decided to start creating multi chapter reports of my theme park visits
Yes I’ve visited the Merlin parks many times
On my next visits, there’ll be short reports for them
In due course I will be creating a blog containing full ride reviews, attraction reviews and other things
Regarding the Merlin parks, I will create my own info guides for the main 3 parks as I visit them often
For now chapter 1 has been released regarding my recent trip today
Any feedback is appreciated
Happy reading and happy blogging!!


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Sad, Cannonball Express is by far the best thing there. It's a very below-average park when that ride is closed, that ride's operating status is a make-or-break for my visits.
Sad you missed out on the drop tower too, that one's pretty good if you're not stapled. However I do agree that Marble Madness is garbage and needs ripping out at first opportunity!
 
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