20 Years of CF: Tat Giveaway #3 - Gone and better best forgotten

[Ian]

(If anybody is humming a Steps tune in their head, help yourself to a lollipop.)

Whenever a ride is removed or a park closes down, we automatically go through the motions of outrage and vowing never to visit that park again, then sadness sets in. We cry. And then we cry some more.

However, there are some rides, and dare I say it, some parks, that are better off being melted down into a bridge in China, or developed for new housing estates. For this tat giveaway, I want to read a short poem, limerick or haiku about any ride or a park that you're glad to see the back of. You have a week to post as many as you like. @Hixee and I will judge them and pick one winner, who will get their hands of this mousemat!

We're looking for originality, humour and cleverness. Something that would make us grin. Here's an example:
Oh Pleasure Island you were ****,
With no top rides, the Boomerang was it.
Your tried your best to please the goons.
But they'd rather ride the creds at Dunes.
For the sealions we no longer brood,
For they were reincarnated as cat food.
Family ownerships arguments we all did gander,
But you couldn't compete with our beloved Amanda.
So long Pleasure Island, your presence we miss,
Are the toilets still closed cus I'm busting for a piss.

Go crazy!

Small Print
1. Competition open to CoasterForce members who joined before 14th February 2021.
2. Competition ends at 18:00, 22nd February 2021 (UK time).
3. You will be required to give CF an address to mail the item to, so please get a responsible adults permission before entering if you are a minor.
4. Please see CF's Terms & Conditions for everything else.

 

[Hutch]

I'll through my hat in the ring.

Here's a poem about the beloved Goliath at SFNE.

Dammit Goliath, what have you done?
I thought coasters were supposed to be fun!
Vertical drops? Well that sounds great!
Oh no, riding this was such a mistake.
Terrible trains that leave you pain,
Headaches, soreness, and utter disdain.
I exit the ride, feeling like ****,
Questioning whether the cred was worth it.
I couldn’t believe a ride would make me
Prefer a ride on the SLC.
But now that I’ve gained this awful cred,
I wish for Goliath to soon be dead!

 

[DelPiero]

Sticking with the Steps theme.



Here I lie, in a lost and lonely part of Ripon

Held in time, in a world of Covid I’m slowly rotton

Going home, you just can’t leave me all alone

You really should be riding me, riding me

Hating me, hating me



Ultimate

When the feelings gone but only halfway done

It’s the Ultimate

When your legs in pain and you’re now called Jane

It’s hard to bear

Oh **** there’s a deer, never mind hold my beer.

 

[Howie]

The Wild Mouse is gone
Pun-driven poetry standoff
Bit of an Icon.

 

[Eyebrows]

(I’m not entering the giveaway, I just wanted to try my hand at coaster poetry)

Dearest Volcano
We know it was time to go.
You closed without a reason
For the 2018 season.

Right from the blastoff,
We knew you’d be passed off,
There were so many signs
That we only saw from behind.

Your flames were lukewarm,
Your motors were shot,
They built you inside of a dark ride, my god!
Your trackwork was roughening,
Your layout meandered,
Every week someone had to come in with a sander.
Your parts were from Europe,
They broke without fail,
And whenever they did they’d take a month in the mail.
Your top hat would rollback,
And have to relaunch.
Though fun, the capacity flow this would staunch.
A multi-launched invert
On Papa Smurf’s lawn?
What kind of drugs was Paramount on?

Some people will say,
“But she still had fight”
They know deep down Cedar Fair was right.

Dearest Volcano,
Though some are still pissed,
It was a good 20 years, and you will be missed.
I hate that you’re gone,
But man, you were old.
And I’m excited to see what this park’s future holds.

 

[caffeine_demon]

Coverred in litter
Crap rides and no atmosphere
that was Camelot

 

[caffeine_demon]

There once was a ride called Gwazi
Was worse than being dragged through the Mojave
As it went down the track
It ruined your back
It's better off flushed down the Khazi!

 

[Will]

There once was a ride called Submission
A victim of flat ride attrition
Restraints crushed your thighs
Hangtime popped your eyes
Fag area assumed its position

 

[caffeine_demon]

Should be like lava
But why the pi$$ poor throughput?
That's volcano, duh!

 

[jay37415]

old arrow looper
beat the **** out of my head
steel Phantom its name

 

[JoshC.]

German park, your simulator was bad,
It made me, and everyone, very sad.
Taron came along, to get goons out of bed,
Race for Atlantis, closed, for a new cred.
Jokes galore during construction of walls,
And of no schedules, if you had balls.
Covid came, and masses of crowds, they die,
But fear not, because along came their FLY.
Race for Atlantis, good riddance, to you,
China, Crazy Bats, now time that you flew.

(Vaguely attempted to have been written in iambic pentameter even though I've still no clue what that really is)

 

[caffeine_demon]

Ow ow oof oof ow
tornado breaks all your bones
oof oof ow ow ow

 

[Ian]

Entires are closed!

Thank you all for you your little ditty, Hixee and I will confer and be back with the winners name in a bitty...

 

[Ian]

We've consulted and declare the winner to be @DelPiero! The tune has been stuck in my head since day one. Please can you send me an address to post it to - either via PM on here or email ian@coasterforce.com

An honourable mention to Caffeine Demon who was a close second.